Come Inside the Mind of Jack - Things That Annoy Me

Shopping...

Sometimes I think that I would be better off being all alone. Nothing would be able to annoy me then. But I must get rid of that idiot in the mirror first. Even while doing the simplest of things someone always seems to annoy the hell out of me. Here are some things that make my blood boil while shopping!

1****

Smug bastards... I'm cheap, many of you probably already know this. That's why I hate shopping at those high class clothing stores. There's always some balding bastard with a black turtle neck sweater (Like Steve Jobs) standing around the store waiting to judge you because you don't look as "sophisticated" as them. They greet you with "May I help you?" but in a pretentious and nasal voice. I always imagine them with a french accent. They then follow you around and you can hear them making noises of disapproval... You know what? They should shut the hell up! They're not any better... They're working at a bloody clothing store with minimum wage! Whenever they make those noises I feel like buying everything in the store just to show them that I could... I'd probably be in deep trouble with the loan sharks after that though... Actually, they're pretty damn smart! Maybe that was their plan in the first place, to make you angry so you buy their stuff out of spite. What's up with the turtle necks anyway? Are buttons and zippers too complicated for them to figure out?

2****

People who push in line... Don't these guys have any manners? I'm waiting in line forever then this one jerk shows up with a shirt that he's almost bursting out of.  What a bastard! I've been waiting here for 20 minutes and this guy just barges in. Worst of all... He invites 5 of his other friends to join in. What the hell? It's like they're begging to get strangled. Maybe these guys are famous. Maybe I should start calling them "Your Majesty" whenever I see them. Maybe their life depended on it because they're starving. Maybe I'm Arnold Schwarzenegger. You know what's even worse than when 6 bastards push in? It's when the 6th bastard gets the last of the thing that you were waiting in line for. As they're walking away with the last of the long awaited item, you see them laughing. They're probably laughing at you... Laughing at you for being a poor sucker who doesn't push in line. These guys must live like kings, why don't they just tell their butler to wait in line for them?

3****

Slow walkers in small corridors... If you're already late to a meeting then don't bother going through the shortcut in the shopping centre because you'll end up being even later! The fault lies with these slow walking bastards in tight corridors. At least have some courtesy to stand to the left so I could squeeze through! They're walking down this small hallway thinking that they own it. It's like they're strutting in slow motion whereas your time just ticks on by faster than ever. Then when you get to an escalator you see 2 bastards standing next to each other... How the hell am I supposed to get through? I have to stand there like an idiot while waiting for the stairs to move up. The ride seems to last an eternity. I'd rather ride a snail to the moon. After you get past that. There's the bigger hallway that could normally fit 2 people. You see a slow walker? No problem! Just walk around him... Oh wait there's always a bloody problem! Just when you see a gap next to the slow guy for you to walk past. There's another bastard walking towards it. This jerk is not too slow and not too fast but slow enough to prevent you from making it past the first slow bastard. You always think you have enough time to squeeze through when the second bastard slows down a bit but then he speeds back up again! There I am moving back and forth trying to make my way through, dancing around like a complete moron. These 2 guys should join the synchronized walking team since they're so bloody good at moving up and down the hallway with identical slow as hell movements. They'll win gold for sure.

Thank you once again for reading! It warms my heart to know that Wattpad doesn't test their stories on animals.

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