Frozen Dreams

Chapter 12

So I changed my cover... What do you think?
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"This doesn't make any sense!" I exclaimed and slammed the journal in my hands shut.

Kila, Ivey, and I were currently sitting on the floor of my bedroom with journals and photo albums surrounding us. We have been at it for three hours and it's currently 11:00 at night and my dad is still down stairs drinking. What's even more interesting is Latoya hasn't returned home yet.

She knows dad's drunk too...huh...

Anyways, after our hours of working, we still haven't really found anything new. My mind is running and I can't fit any pieces of this stupid puzzle together. I take a deep breath and close my eyes.

"Iz, it's okay. We'll find something sooner or later," Ivey's words don't help me at all.

They go through one ear and out the other. I sigh and reopen the journal, flipping through pages of my father's handwriting. It seems as though another half an hour has passed before I hear Kila's gasp.

Ivey and I immediately look up expectantly at Kila, waiting for her to speak. She is still looking down at the page of the journal, but I can't help noticing her face pale as she reads. My sister and I wait patiently, but the tension seems to build in the room. Finally, my frustration gets the best of me.

"KILA! What did you find?" I am hardly able to hide the irritation in my voice.

She looks up at me, a tear escaping her eye. Softly, she tosses the book to me and takes a shaky breath.  "It's another note from your dad, to your mom....on the night she died."

I look down at the handwriting and felt Ivey's presence scoot closer to me as I read:

Naoni,
I stayed with you all day at the hospital and plan to for the rest of the night. I hope you get better... It's all my fault your in this position and I am more sorry than you'll ever know.
You're my wife and forever my love.
I can't believe I yelled at you and let you get out of the car. I will make that boy pay for what he has done. You can count on it. He will pay for hurting you....
Well, it still comes back to me. It's still, and will always be, my fault. Should the girls know? I'm not so sure. They are young and won't understand. I don't think I'll tell them what happened to you, at least not yet. Stay strong my love, you're forever in my heart and you WILL live from this.
Forever yours,
Tobey

"Wow," Ivey murmured.

"Something really big happened that night, something so big dad couldn't tell us.  No, not couldn't, wouldn't tell us.  I just...can't understand this."  My voice was shaking with anger and confusion.

How could he keep something about our mom from us? He knew how much we loved her. She's our everything.  Well, was our everything.  My stomach was churning with anger and my patience was starting to run thin.

"I need to go," I said hastily, grabbing some clothes and throwing on a jacket and shoes.  "I need to clear my mind for a bit."

I started walking towards the door, but Ivey's quiet voice stopped me.  "Where are you going?"

I turned around and looked at my sisters face, clouded with many emotions.  "I'm going to the one place where everything makes sense." 

With that, I turned around and ran out of the house.

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As I pulled my skates out of my locker, I felt another tear run down my cheek. I threw my skates back in my locker in frustration and ran to the bathroom. I am so sick of crying, it's weak and stupid. Ever since we found out dad was lying all there has been, between Ivey and I, are tears. It's annoying.

I checked under each stall to make sure I was alone, and looked at myself in the mirror. Bright hazel eyes stared back at me, a little red from tears. I turned on the sink and splashed water on my face as if it would wash everything away. Drying my face, I take a deep breath and leave the bathroom.

I grab my skates and close my locker then sit at the closest bench to me. As I lace my skates, the sadness creeps away and I can't help but start feeling excited. The pounding of my heart speeds up and butterflies erupt in my stomach. I feel myself smile when I grab my binder, water bottle, and phone and run to the door that leads me onto the ice. I take a deep breath and step onto the cold solid ground. The feeling that comes after is indescribable. It just seems that all fits right. I place my stuff on the ledge of the wall surrounding the ice and take off. Feeling my edges dig into the ice and growl. Feeling the wind hit my face and move my ponytail. Feeling my knees bend softly and my arms move gracefully.

It's these feelings that remind me why I fell in love with this sport.

It's not the jumping, spinning, moves, figures or combos; it's the freedom I feel as I'm stroking around. It's the sense of home I get as I turn and move to random music. Nobody truly understands it and many judge me, but I don't care. None of those people matter when I'm on the ice. All that really matters is me, the music, the ice, and my skates.

After some time I go to the wall and check the time; 12:25 am.

Damn, it's already been a half an hour.

I'm honestly surprised the rink is open right now. Yet, I do know the owner and he knows I like to come here late a night.

I hadn't realized that not once during that half an hour, I thought of the whole mom situation. Skating just helps me...forget. At least for a few hours. My phone buzzes and I look to see a text from Ivey:

Everything okay? Latoya came home. Not happy. Come home as soon as ur ready. I'll cover u until u come:)

I can't help but smile, got to love my sister. How could I survive without her? I quickly text back:

Find anything else?

Some time later my phone goes off again:

Sort of? You'll see...

I sigh and turn to face the ice. This is my true home. This place excepts me and is always here. No matter what I find out I'll always have this. I can count on the rink more than my own father.

That's sad...

I grab my stuff, knowing I have to face the situation at home eventually, and get off the ice.

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Hey readers? I'm not so sure how I feel about this chapter... I sorta have writers block right now so I'm still trying to figure things out. I'm so sorry for the slow updates, I'm really trying but with busy schedules and, like I said, writers block I haven't written a lot. Hopefully since I'm on break I'll write more...

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

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