Mother I've been cutting
Don't blame yourself
The blame should go to me
You see I made the choice
To sign a contract of blood with deceit
I've been convinced quite throughly
That you don't need me or want me
Not by your actions or words -no-
I was blinded by irrationality
Hopelessness colored my days monotone washed out bleak and grey
Deep within me I knew the truth
It resonated throughout my inner core
I was never going to be happy
I wasn't meant to be
And so I sold my soul to the cheapest bidder
My truth is that I don't deserve kindness
Misery is my companion
Who once held my hand as I shattered from the inevitable knowledge
That I'm worthless
Life is worthy -someone more deserving should have it-
While I am not
My life is not priceless
It is nothing
But a waste a terrible wretched farce
Pretending I have a place in this immortal play
That I have a role of importance
When I am missing an significant part of myself
A name
A piece that I could call self
I am not unique
I am not ordinary
I don't want to be anything
Let me wander this land of drought barren of vitality reeking of desolation
Let me suffocate on the dust of others who have tried to conquer this ruthless empty space
I don't want to return because I can't
I made it past the ragged peaks of no man's land
The numbness I feel could compare to calm serenity
Yet it is only a coating of dust I have gathered on my journey
Grimy filthy dirty
Comforting and familiar to my contaminated skin
Mother I've been cutting
Don't blame yourself
As the problem was me
Your actions spoke love and your words conveyed support
I pushed them away
My actions inflicted pain and suffering
I smeared a sheet of paper with red
Scared of the uncertainty
That surrounds the living
My mouth spew lies and my eyes were shaded with the color of deception
I made a choice
Not because of you
Please believe me
While my words were tainted with treachery when I said,
"I'm not lying, I am happy."
Know this one truth
I never meant to hurt you
I only wanted to hurt a monster -who?-
Who else but me
YOU ARE READING
Undone
PoetryA hodgepodge of topics that mostly deal with mental health written as poems or prose.
