Why doesn't Santa have any children ?Because he only comes once a year, and when he does, it's down the chimney.
Why is Christmas just like a day at the office ?You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
What do you call a snowman in the summer? A puddle. What do you call a snowman in the tropics? Lost.
Your mum is so fat that I took a picture of her last christmas and its still printing!
Christmas light displays are the freestyle rap battles of the suburbs.
Q. What happened when Guy ate the Christmas decorations? A. He went down with tinsel-itis.
What's the difference between snowmen and snowladies ?Snowballs.
Why did the snowman have a smile on his face ?Because the snowblower was coming down the block.
How did the chickens dance at the Christmas party?Chick to chick!
What do monkeys sing at Christmas?Jungle Bells, Jungle bells!
What's easier to make: a snowman or a snowwoman??A snowwoman is easier to make, 'cause with a snowman you have to hollow out the head and pack all that extra snow into balls to make its testicles!!
On the first Xmas, the first of three Wise Men stepped carefully into the stable but sank his golden slipper into a big pile of manure."Jesus Christ!" he yelled.The woman beside the manger turned to her husband and said, "Now, Joseph, isn't that a better name for the kid than Irving?"
Why is Santa Claus always so happy? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
What do the female reindeer do when Santa takes the male reindeer out on Christmas Eve ?They go into town, and blow a few bucks.
What did the big candle say to the little candle?I'm going out tonight!
What do angry mice send to each other at Christmas?Cross mouse cards!
What does Father Christmas write on his Christmas cards?A – ABCDEFGHIJKMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ (No-L!!)!
Where do mistletoe go to become famous? "Holly" wood!
Why are women's breasts like a train set a kid gets at Christmas time ? Because they were originally made for children but the father wants to play with them.
How are a Christmas tree and a priest alike ? They both have ornamental balls.
