Sex on television can't hurt you... unless you fall off.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm
Drink 'till she's cute, but stop before the wedding
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines
Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met
I intend to live forever - so far, so good
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
I got a gun for my wife, best trade I've ever made.
Anyone can give up smoking, but it takes a real man to face cancer.
Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion.
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked
something.
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
