Santa went down the Chimney and started putting presents under the tree. He went to leave and noticed the most beautiful red headed women laying there in her naughty nighties, She said santa do you wanna stay and play, He said HO HO HO Gotta go Gotta Go gotta deliver presents to the kids Ho HO. So he went to leave again and She said once more, "Santa dont you want to stay and play" as she took off her nighties and was layin there in a sexxy g-string, He said Ho Ho HO gotta go gotta go gotta deliver presents to the kids dont you know ho ho, So he went to leave one last time and the women said again, "Santa stay and play" and when he turned around she was laying there completely naked, The most beautiful thing in the world spread eagle, He said hey hey hey gotta stay gotta stay, cant go up the chimney with my pecker this way!
As a little girl climbed onto Santa's lap, Santa asked the usual, "And what would you like for Christmas?" The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped, "Didn't you get my E-mail?"
It was slightly before Thanksgiving. The trip went reasonably well, and I was ready to go back. The airport on the other end had turned a tacky red and green, and loudspeakers blared annoying elevator renditions of cherished Christmas carols. Being someone who took Christmas very seriously, and being slightly tired, I was not in a particularly good mood. Going to check in my luggage (which, for some reason, had become one suitcase with entirely new clothes), I saw hanging mistletoe. Not real mistletoe, but very cheap plastic with red paint on some of the rounder parts and green paint on some of the flatter and pointier parts, that could be taken for mistletoe only in a very Picasso sort of way. With a considerable degree of irritation and nowhere else to vent it, I said to the attendant, "Even if I were not married, I would not want to kiss you under such a ghastly mockery of mistletoe." "Sir, look more closely at where the mistletoe is." (pause) "Ok, I see that it's above the luggage scale, which is the place you'd have to step forward for a kiss." "That's not why it's there." (pause) "Ok, I give up. Why is it there?" "It's there so you can kiss your luggage goodbye." submissons by:
Are you Christmas, because I want to Merry you. Let's both be naughty this year and save Santa the trip. Is your name Jingle Bells, cause you look like you go all the way Can I take a picture of you, so I can show santa exactly what I want for Christmas. If your left leg was thanksgiving, and your right leg is Christmas, can I come visit you between the holidays? Shouldn't you be on top of the tree, Angel? If i was the Grinch, I wouldn't steal Christmas. I'd steal you. You know I would love to show you the toys my elves make for adults. How about I slip down your chimney, at half past midnight? Wanna meet Santa's little helper? What do you say we make this a Not-so-Silent Night? Believe me if you ever saw it, you would even say it glows! Screw the nice list, I've got you on my "nice and naughty list! That's not a candy cane in my pocket. I'm just glad to see you! My best toys run on batteries Hey Cutie ever do it in a sleigh? He may have a nice car but I have a fast sleigh I know its not Christmas, but Santa's lap is always ready. Santa's lap isn't the only place wishes come true. Hey Babe, when was the last time you did it in a sleigh? Interested in seeing the "North Pole"? (Well, that's what the Mrs. calls it) If you jingle my bells ill promise you a white christmas
Dirty Johnny climbs onto Santa's lap at the department store. Santa says, "I'll bet I know what you want for Christmas." And with his index finger he taps the boy on the nose with every letter he spells, "T-O-Y-S." The little boy answers, "No, I have enough toys." Santa tries again, tapping Johnny's nose with every letter, "C-A-N-D-Y." Again, Johnny says, "No, I have all kinds of candy." "Well, what would you like for Christmas?" Santa asks. Johnny replies, tapping Santa on the nose, "P-U-S-S-Y. And don't tell me you don't have any because I can smell it on your finger!"
