Finding Hope [A Carl Grimes FanFic]

C8 ~ Big Little Lies

[If I don't say who's POV it is, it's Hope]

It's not everyday that you sit in bed thinking, "I miss when my obnoxious boyfriend would ditch me at the park to go play video games with his friends." 

Ahh those were the good days.  Well the better days than now. 

I currently sat criss crossed on my rock hard bed, thinking if Carl would ever speak to me again. I know it's stupid and child like to be obsessing over it, but it's hard to get out of my mind.  Every time I try to push it away, it just comes bouncing back. I keep telling myself it's not my fault, I'm just not ready to commit to something as big as love again. But then I think about how hurt he looked when I couldn't say it and feel horrible again. 

Earlier today I saw Rick talking to Carl. Lizzie had talked to me for the first time since she got here.            She said, "Carl's pretty cute, too bad you're dating, oh and we're all heading to story time now, wanna come?" When she said, "too bad you're dating" I felt my heart sink like the Titanic. 

I felt my hands clench and my body go stiff. I tried to answer as calmly as possible, "Thanks for the offer but that's for kids." I guess I came off to strong or rude because she left with a huff and a slump in her shoulders. 

Lizzie always seemed like a weirdo to me, I feel like she's going to be that person that has a pretty face but a messed personality. 

I grabbed my doodle book and flip through the pages. They were mostly drawings of how I felt when... he.. and I stopped well, I don't exactly know what we were but whatever we were it felt real. 

I stopped and hesitated at the drawing I drew recently, it was of my probably now dead boyfriend. I just call him my "Ex." It's easier than saying his name because, he was my first love. He wasn't a very good boyfriend and I caught him cheating on me with my best friend behind the bleachers.... like who makes out in 6th grade? I guess he just wanted what he wasn't getting from me.

The worst part was, I still loved him, even after he cheated on me. 

But lets stop talking about that, It's making me more depressed than I already am. 

I set down my doodle book and look up to my door frame to see Carl standing there. 

"Hey," he said. I was taken a back, he just hated me like yesterday. 

"Uh, hi?"  I said him clearly hearing the confusion in my voice, he took a step forward, making me adjust my legs so their now hanging over the bed side. 

"C-can I sit down?" he asks speaking with a carefully nervous tone. 

"Uh, yeah," I say moving over a bit for him to sit. He sits down as far away as possible. 

"Listen, I'm sor-" I begin to say but he interups me,

"No, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have dropped that like that. Especially so early into our relationship." He says not taking a breath and trying to avoid eye contact. 

I just blinked, scared if I say the wrong thing he'll leave. I haven't been this close to him in a couple weeks.  And if I'm being honest, I missed being around him, he always smelled like a dream. Even in this disgusting world. 

"So..." he paused thinking of what to say, this was an awkward situation for both of us. 

"How are you?" he asks sincerely

Horrible

"I'm okay,"

"That's good... me too." he states, I could tell he was trying to get our eyes to meet, but I avoided eye contact, sure if I looked I'd lose control of my actions and go into a deep trance from his beautiful blue eyes. 

I miss you 

"What have you been doing since ... you know," I say scratching the back of my head

"Mostly reading comic books, you?" he says awkwardly almost like he was lying, but I had been lying too so it's okay. 

Spying on you

"Doodling," I say keeping my gaze fixed on my feet.

"Cool," he mutters, his voice traveling off, "This is awkward right?" 

"So awkward," I reply lifting my head up to face him, thanking god he brought up something I could relate to, If he asked another shy question, I think I'd die. 

"Not as awkward as when you didn't say I love you back, but still awkward," he said his tone deepening turning angrier. I slowly widen my eyes. This is my nightmares come to life. Please tell me I'm dreaming. I stand up, 

"I'm sorry, It's just a sore topic for me. After what happened with my first boyfriend.." 

"What? You dated for 3 months when you said I love you and he cheated on you? Yet you still loved him? ......Well past you and me have a lot in common right now!" He spat storming out of my cell. 

I stood in awe at what just happened, did we just have our second fight? 

and was it just me or did he just say he still loved me?

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

A/N

Hey guys!  I"M REALLY SORRY ABOUT THE SUPER SHORT CHAPTER! BUT WOULD YOU RATHER HAVE A SHORT CHAPTER OR NO CHAPTER AT ALL! 

That's also another thing I wanted to ask you guys for the upcoming chapters. Would you rather have one or two long chapters per week? 

or

four to six chapters per week?

Answer in the comments which you think is better!!!!!

OKAY BTW

This is the last chapter before the big "ATTACK" then they are separated for a while and then they may or may not find each other! SO! I'm not really going by the story line right now, but I will be getting back on track! I just forget mostly everything that happened at the prison so, SORRY! 

TELL ME WHO YOU THINK HER "EX" BF WAS? BTW 

he will be in the sort of near future! 

hope you enjoyed this chappie, if you did, PLEASE,

Give this story a vote

input a comment, anything at all, even FIATOE! ;)  If you get that I will love you forever! (It's a 22 jump street reference) 

FOLLOW ME!! I WILL follow back!!! Love you guys!

Thanks For Reading

~ Kayla