Dear Dad,

June 4/ 2014

Dear Dad,

My birthday is coming up, soon-ish..

I still have a job.. I'm still hoping you and Mom aren't upset about it.. I mean, I feel like you are and that I'm a burden on you guys because I don't (have a job, that is).

I'm sure Mom's already told you of the fight that happened today.. so, here's my part, in case she got something wrong. 

In a way, I've caused everything that's wrong.. All this time, I tell them (my siblings) what they want to hear so they're not mad at me (instead of each other). Doing that gets them mad each other because they both believe they have me on their side; that I'm backing them up in the fights that they pick with each other. They get mad if I don't pick a side, but afterwards, I just quietly nod and agree with whatever they're saying and they're fine with me again.

Mom said that I can't keep doing that and asked if I felt that Kat gets spoiled more than Jessi and I did at her age. I said 'yes'. Mom asked with what; "Conversation? Items? What?"

I don't care if you guys talk to her more than you do with me- I don't have much to say. I do feel like she gets more stuff than me and Jessi did at her age and that she doesn't get punished as much as we did. You guys say she's in trouble and is grounded off of her electronics, but you never actually do anything..

I can tell that lately, you're not happy.. and I'm worried for you and wish that there was something I could do to help you.. And Mom. I'm worried for her too. She'd said to me,"How do you think I feel watching two of my children fighting like they do?"

Thinking of my own, hypothetical children fighting like it's world war three almost made me want to cry. That's your own flesh and blood going at each others throats and wanting you to pick sides..

"How are you not depressed?" I'd asked her.

"I am," she replied," I just don't show it."