Please Don't Take My Sunshine Away [Solangelo]

Gone With The Wind// Chapter 8

Will

No one had to tell me anything. No one had to go up to me, poke their finger at my chest and yell, "Who do you think you are?! Doing something stupid like that?!" Or "Fix your mess, Solace!"

Sometimes, I really wish that others would go up to me and say that instead of awkwardly looking away and pretending they hadn't seen me.

Sometimes, I wish I could go back and fix what I had done.

Sometimes, I wish that a stupid monster would just come and kill me.

It's been 3 days since Nico and I broke up. 3 days. That's how long it's been since he disappeared. Everyone was still friendly with me. They still smiled when I walked by. My siblings tried to talk to me. But it was clear that they were all giving me a message. This is your mistake. Fix it.

Yeah well, message received.

I wish I could take it all back. Because then I would never have had to listen to Jason say with a panicked face, "He's gone." And then the whole camp wouldn't have had to spend hours searching for him. And then I wouldn't have had to watch as Hazel arrived a day afterwards, deciding to stop by to visit her brother. Of all the times. And then I wouldn't have had to watch as Annabeth and Piper gave her the news that her only brother was missing. And then I wouldn't have had to watch her painfully sob. Funny thing is, I cried. But not with her. Not with them. I didn't tell them that I was sorry and then bursted into sobs. I walked far away from all the cabins as possible and then I cried. I sat on the ground, face buried deep in my palms, and I cried. Not loudly. It wasn't even audible. It was silent. I hate myself for crying. I caused the mess in the first place. I didn't deserve to cry. I didn't deserve to be forgiven.

You know that feeling where there isn't really anything wrong but you can't help but have a feeling in your gut? Like nothing's wrong, but at the same time, nothing's right? That feeling that leaves you lonely and alone and depressed?

I couldn't shake that feeling off me. I shut everyone away. I never smiled, I rarely talked. I just sat there. Sometimes, I walked far away as I possibly could and I looked around, once, twice. I waited for a five minutes. When nothing interrupts me in those five minutes, I let it out. I start crying.

I cry because it hurts. I cry because I can't stand myself. I cry because I let go of the greatest person ever. I cry because it's my mistake.

During dinner, I don't pray to gods to help me. I rarely even pray. I don't want them telling me that I need to fix what I did. No one had to tell me. I knew. That feeling lingered on me for every second of every day. It was just there. Unseen. Unheard. It barely makes its presence knowable. That's what's so awful about it. It just sits there quietly, occasionally reminding you it's there. And all you can do is think about that feeling every second of every day.

Sometimes, I wish that someone will go up to me and punch me. They'll start punching me because I'm worthless and I hurt Nico. Oh gods. That's the worst part. Not that I feel guilty. It's the fact that I hurt Nico. He was gone with the wind and the sunshine and the stars. I spend most of my time sitting on a rock, isolating myself from everyone. I sit there and I just talk. I talk about the most random things. I say, 'How's your day so far? Mine's been okay. I used to love going to the beach. Surfing and tanning all day. Do you like going to the beach? Did you know that once, I threw a card at the sun during Father's Day because I thought the sun would reach out and grab it? I was five.'

I babble on to absolutely nobody and I tell myself that I'm pretending to talk to somebody. The problem is I know who I pretend to talk to. But I never say the name because I actually could be talking to someone and they could actually have a name. On some days, I make it obvious. Like yesterday when I said, 'I had a great time talking. Stay safe, I miss you.' And then I sit there and hope. I hope that the wind will carry my words and somehow, they'll end up to who I want it to. They'll find their way to who they belong to.

***

I take a deep breath as I stare at my clock. 11:45, it read. Just 15 more minutes. I had to fix my mistake. I scanned my eyes all over my cabin. All of my siblings seemed to be asleep. I know that I'll have to be back before 6. Because that's when the sun starts rising and when the sun is up, we're up. The only thing keeping me up is the fact that he is out there. He could be battling monsters to the death. Weaker than the last time. Slowly suffering and dying with a hole not only in his chest, but in his heart too.

My heart tore itself apart just imagining that. I didn't have the strength to think positively. It was time to face reality. I slowly climbed out of bed, taking slow, small breaths. I didn't let any out. Not when I sneaked outside and ran off. I didn't know where I was going, I just knew that I had to go. I didn't stop. Not when I knew that the camp was no longer in sight. Not when I was so far gone that I could hear the noises of cars and street walkers. I didn't care if I ran into any monsters. I had one priority and that was to find Nico.

I ignored it, but I couldn't help but fear. For all I knew, he could be dead. He could by dying right now. I swallowed the lump forming in my throat. I had to find him. Screw coming back before six. I would take years of it meant bringing him to camp safely.

As I took a deep breath, I had no idea where to start. He could've shadow traveled any place on earth, but it didn't matter. I won't stop until I find him.

I'm coming, Nico.

~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: Hey guys! Thank you so much for all the comments and votes and stuff! You guys are awesome! So since I'm on winter break, I'll post more. I know the last chapter was sad. I almost didn't want to post it and write it all over again, but I figured out a way to twist it so the fanfic came with more action. So since I'm curious and a friend of mine brought this to my attention, if you guys want to, ask me questions about me that you've been wondering. Your comments and votes really do mean a lot to me and I do appreciate them and I want to get to know some of you so you guys just don't know me by my user or something. Anyways, so comment and tell me what you thought on this chapter and maybe a question to ask me and I'll answer them in the next chapter? Thank you guys! Love you! ^_^