Daddy's still here.

Life in the present

Her eyes stare right through me as I watch her twirl in the new falling snow; her hair getting tangled but she doesn't care. Those slightly pinked lips turned up in a sly smile directed towards me which she knows drives me wild. The big coat around her keeping her warm along with the mittens I gave her for Christmas. She glances over at me and hits her small smile.

"What are you staring at mister?" Her voice rings like a chore and spends my soul soaring.

"You." I walk to her and hold her against my chest, she places her hands over my heart and smiles wildly now.

"Why? There isn't anything on my face is there?" She raises her hands to cover her face and I gently remove them so I can cherish those blush stained cheeks.

"No there isn't anything on your face." I say quickly leaning down to ignite the fire that burns inside me when our lips touch.

"Your so beautiful. I just can't figure out how your mine." I whisper to her as I break our kiss.

She leans her forehead against mine and looks at me, our eyes connected in a trance as though we're reading each others thoughts.

"Your mine too, right?" She breaks the silence stare and I blink.

"I've been yours sense the moment you stepped into that bus. When you say in front of me; I was wrapped round your little finger when you dropped your pencil and asked if I'd get it for you, ever though you dropped it on purpose." I wink at her and she laughs.

Oh her laugh.

It's rich and full; so full of life and happiness and I was overwhelmed that I was the cause of such a heart warming, joyful laughter.

"I love you Jason." She whispers to me, pecking me lips quickly before twirling out of my grasp, my hand slowly leaving hers.

Our fingers still lingered together, but the more she twirls the further away she got; so our hands fell and as mine does, I whisper back.

"I love you to my dear."

__________

"Dad! Come on, I'm going to be late for school!!" I open my eyes to see Maddie giving me the normal teenager look of disbelief. I prop myself up on my elbows and look at her.

"Keys?" I ask rubbing my eyes.

"They are down stairs on the counter." She smiles.

I nod. "Ok. Ok."

She claps her hands and hurries out of the room, her back pack slung over one shoulder. Geez she's gotten big. It feels like just yesterday we had Christmas with Abbie's parents, but it was 6 years ago. Work has gotten busier, Maddie is in high school now. I look at the picture of Abbie on my night stand.

"Times going by my love....I wish you could be with us." I whisper swinging my legs out of bed and putting on some socks.

"Dad..." I glance up and Maddie is standing in the door way.

"Yeah sweetheart?"

"Do you miss mom?"

I put my foot down after I'm don't putting the sock on and look at the picture of Abbie.

"More than anything." I say honestly. "Why do you ask?" I look back to my beautiful daughter

She shrugs a little and hurries out of the room.

Maddie asks little things like that from time to time, but than drops the subject. I wish she felt computable asking me anything about her mother, but I think I am part of the reason why she won't. She knows how much I loved her mother. She knows that it still affects me deeply that she's gone. She knows that I will do everything in my paper to make her happy.

I walk down stairs and Maddie hands me the keys as we walk to the front door. When we are almost to the school Maddie glanced over at me, confection clear on her face.

"What's on your mind maddster?" I look at her out of the corner of my eye and she fiddles with her fingers just like her mother used to do.

"I know you've told me a thousand times, but will you tell me how you and mom got together?" She glances at me with a nervous face.

I smile a little, "of course I will; but why are you so nervous to ask me about your mother?"

She shrugs, "because I know that you miss her. I miss her too, but I can't really say that because I never got to know her very well...." Her voice is a little strained and I slow than pull over to the side of the road. I put my blinker on and put the car in park. I turn to face her; she looks at me with sad eyes.

"Maddie, baby girl. You have just as much right to miss her as I do. You knew her in a way I didn't get to. You loved her way before you were born. She loved you from the moment she found out you were growing inside her."

She listens closely and then her bottom lip trembles and I lean over pulling her into my arms. "Don't cry my little girl, shhhh. Daddy's still here."

I hold her in my arms as if she will disappear like Abbie did; she is growing up too fast and it's hard to lose her in many different ways. Maybe she wouldn't have so much sadness in her life if I had remarried to give her a mother.....though I'd never be able to forget Abbie which would be unfair to the woman who loved me. My eyes begin to water and my voice cracks as i think about not making my daughter happy. That I've made her have a hole in her life that I caused before of my selfishness.

"I'm sorry...." I let my arms loosen and Maddie pulls back to look at me, confusion in her eyes. "I wronged you from what it should be like to have a mother."

I look away from her and then Maddie hugs me tightly.

"Daddy, you didn't wrong me in any way!!! Oh my goodness, you've been the best parent any child could ever ask for. I understand why you couldn't remarry." I glance at her as tears breaks down my face.

"Dad you didn't do anything wrong raising me. Mom is so proud of you. I'm proud of you too. So don't think that you made a mistake, because you didn't." She wipes a tear off my cheek and I pull her into a hug and she holds onto me tightly.

"I love you my little girl." I say into her ear.

"I love you too daddy."

"I'll always be here for you, you know that right?" I ask.

She laughs a little, "of course dad. Your right here, where you always have been."