Behind the Secrets

T E N

Have you every just laid down in bed and stare at the ceiling wondering where did it all go wrong? I knew I had a problem but I thought it was just something I could get over. A phase in my life. I thought I was okay and maybe this will all blow over. But it didn't.

"Depression?" I ask

"Depression." Dr. Thompkins repeats 

"I mean I knew I was a little sad, but depression?"

"Alex you are more than a little sad. You are distancing yourself from your friends, your having anger outburst, your losing interest in things you liked and from you past you used drink and sometimes do drugs. Depression is more than being a little sad. You are more than a little sad."

"I thought it was nothing... Just a phase."

"This is more than just a phase." She says "Can I ask why did you start drinking?"

"I wanted to forget." I said thinking about my past "I wanted to forget the person I was, I am. I wanted to forget my problems. To feel free."

"It's okay to feel this way. Sometimes you feel a certain way and you can't help it, and that's okay. You have to realize it's okay to have feelings good and bad but if you try to suppress it, the turn out won't be good." I nod my head but I can't wrap it all around.

I have depression.

*•*•*•*•*•*

"Depression?" Kat asks and I nod.

"Depression."

"Al how could you not tell anyone how you were feeling until now."

"I don't know."

"Is that your catch phrase or something cause you tend to say it a lot." She says "You know what you should do, talk to people. We're your friends. We are here for you. You need to realize that okay?"

"Okay." I says as I wipe the tears from my face.

"How about we start off with something easy? Like telling you brother your not a virgin." I stare at her "You can't keep it hidden forever. He's gonna find out and it's best if you tell him."

"I don't want him to see me differently."

"He's your brother. Your twin. You'll still be his sister and he will still love you." She says "And if he says shit call him out for being a hypocrite."

I laugh a little, wiping the rest of the tears off my face and nodding. "Fine tomorrow at the winter get together."

"Yes tell him Christmas Even he has to be in a jolly mood or he'll get coal for Santa." I reached over and hugged her.

"I love you."

"I know."

*•*•*•*•*•*

I walk down the states to have my brother and Cole burst into laughter. "Nice onesie." Cole said in between laughs.

"Don't disrespect Pikachu." I said as I walked to the table a took a chip, placing it in my mouth. "Especially not on Christmas Eve." Cole raises his hands in surrender then I turn to my brother "If you don't like it I could always take it off I mean I'm wearing only underwear, including my bra, and a tank top underneath."