Behind the Secrets

F I F T H T E E N

"Be careful," Jason shouts at me as I stand up from the bed. He is treating me like I'm a priceless glass vase.

"I'm okay," I assure him.

Today we are leaving the hospital, finally. I feel a bit better but now I am gonna have to deal with the backlash of everything. It's hard. Every since I woke up it's been hard on me. To realize what I did and how it effected the people I care about. Then I just wanted to be dead, wanted to not be save but that's "selfish" of me. I don't want to hurt anyone. I just wanted to get away from the pain, I didn't think anyone would've really cared. If anything, I thought they'd be glad I was gone.

But I am alive and with living, especially after what I did, calls for karma. I have to talk to my friends knowing they are gonna treat me differently. I have to go to group therapy later today, and once every week. I have to go back to my home and know it's all going to change. The part that scares me is that I don't know whether the change is good or bad.

"You guys ready?" Tori asked walking into the room.

"Yeah I think we got everything," Jason replied. Tori heads back out and I turn to him.

"Are you gonna tell her?"

"I don't know, what even do I say?" He asks.

"Just be honest with her."

"It's not like we were anything really so I mean I don't really have to explain anything to her."

"But you know she has feelings for you and wanted more," I replied.

"Yeah," he sighed.

"So you have to tell her something."

"I know I will," he said turning to me "Shall we?"

"We shall," I reply.

∞

"Are you okay?" Spencer ask sitting on the edge of my bed.

"Not really but that's okay," I replied.

"I should've never left, I'm sorry Alex."

"Hey look at me," I pick his head up and look into his eye "This isn't on you."

"I know I know but if I didn't leave maybe it all would've been better," he grabs my hand.

"According to the doctor it's clinical depression meaning my brain physically can't allow me to be happy sometimes no matter the situation. They got me on antidepressants and I am doing better kinda but there is only so much I can do as of right now."

Next thing I know he lips were on mine at first I'm taken off guard and let him kiss me then I pull away. He looks confused but all he can say is sorry.

"You don't need to apologize. Don't get me wrong I wanna kiss you but right now I think I should be focusing on me."

"I completely get it. I'm gonna head out and let you get some sleep. I love you," he kisses my forehead and exits the room but as he exits Kai enters.

"Don't say it, I've heard it enough today I really don't wanna hear it another time."

"Okay, he sits next to me. "I'm not gonna apologize for that but I am sorry about everything with us, I didn't think April would tell you."