nicotine [unhealthy desires 2]

31

(exciting things this chapter! vote and comment.)

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The lemo driver has arrived, outside stood a young man with the door open wide for only me, with an extended hand which i took, i was in the gigantic lemo by myself.

I discovered a mini-chocolate-fountain at the side with some strawberries and marshmallows next to it. It looked delicious but i was too scared to ruin my dress. So i tried holding myself. There was also multiple champagne bottles on the left side, with a couple of filled glasses next to them. I took one. The champagne was clear as the night sky, it was gold and transparent and tasted like stars. I took another one.

We arrived in what seemed like two minutes, but I think Ross' house was pretty far away from mine so I must've been enjoying the luxury of this lemo more than I thought. I stepped out with the help of a different young man this time, the moment I was standing on the ground another man extended his arm politly with a smile, "Mademoiselle." He said, i extended my arm for him to hold, and he did in a gentle manner as he escorted me inside.

Inside, the first thing I noticed was how high the ceiling was, with classic giant golden chandeliers hung up. It looked like a museum, since the walls had this roman touch, there was a fountain too, with multiple people I've never met before in my life crowded around too engulfed in their conversation, men and women each holding a glass or a little snack as their lips opened in laughter as others watched in amusement.

I looked behind me noticing that the young man who escorted me was now gone, leaving me standing by myself in Ross' huge home. I felt very tiny, like I was just a speck, barely seen but seen enough for people to notice my awkwardness and embarrassment as I stand here alone. I felt like I was nothing.

"Darling." Matty's voice whispered in my ear completely making me forget what I was thinking about. The minute I hear his voice I feel like I'm getting wrapping me in silk. Always.

"Hey." I say softly as I turn around to meet his glitchy, glittery suit dressed self, looking more than fine tonight. Not only that, meeting his eyes I noticed he had blue eyeshadow, examining his face I could also spot a hint of pink blush over his cheeks and a faded red lipstick applied over his thin lips. "Pampered yourself, I see." I think outloud. I don't really mind that he's a man and he has make up on, even though he's the only man. But i like it.

This is exactly what I admire about him so much, that he would do whatever he wanted if he was too convinced with it, and he wouldn't be ashamed because it was what he believed. It's just not about the makeup thing but his decisions and just how he is. Matty isn't like anyone, he believes in something and he does whatever to make it happen. He doesn't give up easily and he has no shame.

"This, my dear, is me telling the world I'm all about breaking gender norms." He says taking a sip of his champagne which I take from his grip, he didn't argue or say anything,

I sigh. "No drinking tonight, please" He nods to that, which makes me grateful.

"I'm not going to, but you have to promise me something." He says his voice unsteady, his eyes uncertain. I keep looking at him, waiting for him to continue. "You have to give me one more chance."

"Matty," I start but he cuts me off. "No, I know what you're gonna say and I know I haven't been on my best behavior. You know how I've been, with the drinking and everything, my parents and so on. I know this isn't an excuse for how I've ever treated you, Leila. And I know it isn't fair. But you don't understand how I felt when I saw you for the first time in months back in Seattle. "He takes a deep breath, making me realize this must be hard for him, too. "It felt like all of a sudden light had entered my chest, illuminating every weight and every grudge I held and I just had this feeling of clarity. Like I was suddenly cleansed and purified. Like all the showers I took to scrape off the self-loathing and hate and the non-existence of you next to me from my skin have finally payed off."  I looked at him as he said all those words making my heart shake, and as he spoke, I knew what I was going to say. The words kept repeating their self over and over like a mantra in my brain. He was looking down now, at his shoes. Given that he stopped talking for a minute now and I haven't said anything.

"No. Matty," I said, making him look up at me, I cupped his face with both hands looking deep into his eyes, and I was sure. I was sure now. "I love you."