nicotine [unhealthy desires 2]

32

Matty

"I love you." She said. And it was like all my organs got crushed into one ball of too many emotions covered with beautiful pain. All my suffering, now I love. I couldn't comprehend what she has just said. Suddenly I feel like my mind is denying that this is reality. Did she really say that or was it just the self deception my brain forced into the tight pattern of an actual reality. Was this real? Or is it just a projection of my daydreams. I felt like I was falling even though my legs were still on the porcalien floor. Finally, I smiled. She loves me.

"Say it again." I demanded. That was selfish, I know. But I had to make sure it was real. I had to grasp the absoluteness of it. And she did. Then I held her with all that's in me. I fell into her like a comet resting on a surface. Finally, resting. We hug for a while till we hear Ross' voice over the music which is later turned off so everyone can hear him clearly. He cleared his voice, then started speaking once again. "Hello, guys and gals. Friends, I would like to officially welcome you in the privacy of my home. You are here for a purpose, everyone is of course. But the purpose differs. Everyone has a set amount of goals and fulfillments that they'd like to achieve, in life, and perhaps tonight as well. I assume all your intentions are good, for this particular moment. And so, my comrades, let us celebrate. To the fact that we're here for a reason, and to the hope within us that allows us to believe we'll achieve it. So, Cheers!" Ross finishes his little speech with raising his glass mid air, as others start clinking theirs. The soft music starts blaring again, and the crowds start chattering. And in a second you forget that we were all just silent to listen, for once. His speech was thoughtful, smart in a way. But I felt like there was a hidden meaning to all of this. But if Ross was playing matchmaker or trying to get his fellows to make amends, that wouldn't be such a bad thing, I thought.

Leila has gone to the ladies room, leaving me overjoyed in the corner, alone. As people clinked their cups earlier I stood hands folded, empty. I guess just one glass wouldn't hurt, I decided as I took the bottle of bourbon from the chiffonier I knew Ross stored most of the whiskey in. I poured myself a cup and put the bottle aside. Then decided to go check on Leila.