r e m n a n t s [on an indefinite hiatus]

chapter sixty-four: stained

His hands were stained with lots of blood.

Drips and drops of red liquid of water and emotion.

They weren't real blood though and sometimes I wish it should've been just that.

Because those types of wounds heal, but this wasn't like any kind of pain nor wound;

The blood on his hands were from the girls whose hearts he has broken;

And maybe it's karma that him right before he could even repent;

Because he feels it now seeping through his veins.

Funny how if this happenend in the past he wouldn't care;

After all girls used to be just a bunch of toys for him.

That was until she came.

She came and everything changed, she changed him but what she didn't understand was that he didn't need to change.

He was what he is, she just had to accept him;

But sometimes words are just like rain that falls from the sky;

They fall down but get forgotten by.

She didn't understand.

She wouldn't understand.

She refused to understand.

It was too much for him to take, too much.

She became his everything but left with not even a warning.

He promised before that he wouldn't give away all of him but he did anyway and now he had to pay for it.

It was just too much.
Maybe too much that he couldn't take it.

So he did the only thing he could ever think of;

The only thing that he thought that would take it all away;

The guilt, the pain, the memories, every remnant of everything.

He closed his eyes as the darkness overwhelmed him.

The blood on his hands now weren't full of broken hearts or tears.

His hands were now stained with his own real blood.

And I could've saved him if only I had the chance;

If only I could.

But what can I do when I can't even tell him that it was going to be okay, that it's okay to cry, to be guilty and that he wasn't alone?

That he was fine just the way he used to be, the way he is?

That tomorrow is going to be better than this?

What can I do?

What can a lifeless girl do?

Nothing.

Nothing but to watch him every single day cry and waste away his own life and kill a part of him on the process.

Nothing but to watch him sleep as his tears rolled down his cheeks.

Nothing but to hate myself for being dead.

Nothing but to wish that I should've just stayed alive instead.

Nothing, nothing.

Because what can a ghost do?
What can a mere phantom do?

How can a ghost save a life when it doesn't have one?

If only things were different, if only it was.

If only.
--------------------------------------------------------------------

I don't even know if this makes sense but YAY I ACTUALLY UPDATED HAHAHAHAHA.

Btw, have you read the latest update of NicAthena's Defying Gravity? IT'S SO INTENSE. SO AMAZING. SO JABHSSVHAGA I CRY.