promises.

one

I feel like there's always that one person in your life that makes you question your entire existence. they either make you feel so warm inside, or so torn up. in my case, both emotions were strongly taking over me.

You know what they say? "the first person you think about before you fall asleep at night is either causing your happiness or your tears." I don't know if that theory is correct, but at this exact moment, I definitely did feel the tears bottle up in the corners of my emerald green eyes.

I just never thought that someone could make me smile just by hearing their voice, or wanting to break down whenever they're away from me for more than a few hours. but isn't that weird, how both these things are positive and negative, yet they both show how much I love him. I guess that's why they say love is a weakness, because while it strengthens you, it also makes you the most vunerable you've ever been.

And that was exactly my problem, I let him crawl inside of my brain cells to destroy what was left of the good me, and he destroyed it. yet, to this day, I don't stop thinking about him, and I'll never stop loving him. but if anyone found out, I'd be staked. also, my band and I's career would be over in seconds. maybe that's why he left me for that short while, maybe he was scared of somebody finding out, so that's why he took his stuff and left.

Yet，when I saw him with that other guy, my heart cried inside just a tiny bit.

"Get over him." They told me.

I told them I would, yet I still haven't.

Nothing hurts more than trying so hard to be good enough, and to be replaced by somebody better.

I sighed before plugging my headphones into my phone and started down the empty, black street. the street lights were on, there were minimal cars driving on the road，and not a single soul walking.

I approached the front door of his house, shakily pulling out my phone, I typed a quick message and hit send.

'window.' the response came back as.

the rain poured down suddenly, really out of nowhere.

I glanced up at the window, noticing a body climbing out of it.

a streak of lightning lit up the jet black sky as he stood himself in front of me. his platinum blonde hair was more tousled than normal, yet his sky blue eyes looked more lifeless and his skin looked paler than normal. it surprised me that I hadn't felt his lips against mine, or the electrifying touch of his hand in mine for nearly a year.

"what are you doing here?" he asked me after a long while.

"it's 4 am, and there was lightning outside my window. I wonder if it is the same voltage that runs through my veins when I think about you." I blurted out before stopping myself.

"you still think about me?" he looked around, almost nervously, before glancing me directly in the eyes.

I looked down at my muddy, wet shoes.

"who wouldn't?" I asked him, rubbing my arms to keep warm.

"I guess you're right. you haven't really left my mind either." he told me, his vocal expressions more saddened and rehearsed. he'd probably said that line multiple times over.

"well, I just wanted to see you. I guess I'll go." I told him, before being halted into the warm, framiliar hug I'd been craving since the day he got up and walked away.

"what was that for?" I asked him，hugging him tighter than I ever have before. I could still smell his alcohol smell on me.

"let the rain wash away, the pain of yesterday." he whispered in my ear before disappearing into nowhere.

"until next time." I mumbled to myself, before starting home for a very reckless sleep.