promises.

22

"I know we left things on bad terms but are we at least sleeping together?" Riley asked me, half sad, half happy.

I can't believe he had the nerve.

But then, where would I sleep?

I sighed.

"Even though I'm still very mad at you, I'll sleep next to you, but you have to keep your distance." I said to him as calmly as I could.

Dinner was going to be awkward.

Movie night was going to be awkward.

Bed was going to be awkward.

I didn't want to be mad at him, I really didn't, but I had to be.

After a very silent dinner, my parents set up Christmas movies on the tv. It was Christmas tomorrow, and for once in my entire life, I wasn't excited.

I sat next to my mom on the couch and Riley sat in front of me on the floor.

"There's a whole couch，sit next to me." I demanded him.

"You're mad at me." He replied, looking sad.

"Babe ，not anymore, please." I begged him and my mom watched in confusion as he climbed next to me and snuggled against me.

Being mad at him was stupid.

Just then, I did the unthinkable.

And held his hand.

Without anything covering it.

Part of me wanted everyone to see, part of me wanted no one to see.

But if I couldn't show my affection, then what was the point of loving someone ?

And for God's Sake, I did love him.

I can feel my dad looking down at me and nodding in approval.

He gave me a look of confusion as I gripped his hand a bit tighter, he moved closer to hide it, our arms touching. We were so close together that nothing could come between us.

Just then, another storm picked up, and immediately, Riley buried his head in my chest. I knew he wanted to jump into me so badly, I could feel it.

Rick and my mom turned to look at us as I started to stroke his hair.

Riley's sobs were tiny, but grew more as he threw himself onto me and I held him as he trembled.

Rick patted his head and said "I love you." Before walking to bed.

My mom just stared at me as we sat there, cuddling on the couch.

Vanessa was in shock and Jordan was smirking at me.

His grandparents had gone to bed early, so we didn't really see them much.

"He's afraid of storms." I told her, holding his hand in mine.

"He can shake somewhere else. He doesn't have to be on top of you." My mom said a bit sternly.

"I was the closest person to him, it's instincts mother." I told her and I felt Riley squirm closer onto me.

My mom didn't say anything, but she shook her head, turned the tv off and said goodnight before stumbling up the stairs.

Riley started trembling furiously and I hugged him tighter, stroking his hair.

"It's okay, you're alright." I reassured him as the wind picked up a whole lot.

Jordan and Vanessa just stared at us.

Riley looked up at me, and God I wanted to kiss him so badly, but Vanessa and Jordan, one would tell.

Whatever.

I kissed him lightly, which slowly calmed him down. He still lay there, in my arms, slowly falling asleep.

I stood up, releasing him and accidentally dropping him on the ground.

He jumped on my back and I carried him upstairs after saying goodnight to Jordan and Vanessa.

I was screwed, but it would be worth it.

I placed Riley on the bed，and immediately, he got up and changed.

"Do I still have to keep my distance?" He asked me as he crawled into bed.

"Yes." I said, teasing him.

"You asshole." Riley said, leaning over to kiss me.

"Nah, you don't." I told him, wrapping my arms around him.

I'm glad I wasn't mad at him any longer. That act wouldn't last long.

Once I knew that Riley was completely asleep, I got out of bed and walked downstairs, passed the nicely decorated Christmas tree and outside to the pool. The air was freezing, but the pool water was exceptionally warm.

"Dad, if you can hear me, it's your son, Oliver. It's Christmas tomorrow and I'm still not excited. I'm sorry for that little outburst with mom and Riley. He was just scared and I am the one that comforts him. How are things with you? I miss you. I've written and sent you many letters, but I haven't gotten a return, and I've also called you, but only gotten your voicemail, and then I realize... You're gone. But I like your voice, it's soothing. You could read me grocery lists and I'd still be amused. I love you dad, keep fighting, and I'll be joining you in heaven before my 30th, so I guess I'll meet you then. Cheers." I said, out loud, looking around at everything outside.

"Hey, Noah, I don't know if you can hear me, but how are things? You haven't picked up your calls in years. I miss your Austrailian accent and humor. It's been way too long since the last time I saw you, and to be honest, I miss you. But I have a new guy in my life now, I think you'd really like him if you met him. Maybe, I don't know. He has his eyebrow pierced like you do, he smokes like you did and he's my boyfriend, like you were... I knew I'd have to say goodbye, but I never thought in a million years that it would this way. I guess ropes and hooks really are some people's best friends. I sobbed when you died, but maybe not as much as I should have. Yeah, I still think about you, but my thoughts are focused mostly on Riley now. His dsd is super cool and his grandparents are amazing, and I'm actually somewhat happy again. But I want to know about you, tell me, how's your new friends? How's your new girlfriend or boyfriend? I reckon you have one, just because you're, well you. It's snowing here and oh my God, I'm in the most beautiful city in America. New York City. I knew you always wanted to come here, and you've never seen snow before. I'll send you a postcard okay? It's white and it's cold, don't take that in the wrong way with that dirty mind of yours. It's quite fun to play in, make snow people, snow angels and play hockey on. That is ，if you had taught me to skate properly instead of letting me fall as soon as I laced my skates up. I kept them all these years, and I'll probably be going tomorrow. Tomorrow at 1 p.m. hopefully, I'll see you there. That would be nice to catch up again. Anyway Noah, it's about 2 in the morning and I'm quite sleepy and cold because I'm an idiot and I'm outside with no jacket on, but I just wanted to talk to you, to see how things are going and to tell you about my life right now. Goodbye Noah. Hopefully I'll see you soon. Keep rocking that ginger hair of yours." I closed my burning eyes and let the tears fall before coldly walking into the house and burying myself against Riley again.

"Goodnight, Riley." I kissed his forehead.

He didn't answer.

He must have been sound asleep.

"I love you." He replied, sleepily.

"I love you too." I said to him.

Merry Christmas, Riley, dad and Noah.

I'm thinking about you.