promises.

11

      "I'm sorry Oliver. I really am." Riley told me, I could tell he was trying to be strong by the white colour of his clenched knuckles and bleeding lips.

     "How many times do you have to say that before I actually believe you?" I asked him, I couldn't help but burst into tears. My heart was sinking in my chest, beating rapidly. My legs shook and I felt like throwing up.

"I just can't do this anymore." Riley told me, angrily.

My heart sunk even lower with everything he said.

"It's just too hard for me. Don't get me wrong, I love you, it's just, it's difficult because- I'm just going through a hard time right now." He told me, pacing back and forth in my room.

"I love you? First you tell me that you don't want me anymore for whatever reason, then it's all like "oh yeah, I'm still in love with you." Which one is it?" I snapped at him.

"I just want what's best for you. And what's best for you is not me. Not us." Riley stammered, before holding his hand on the door handle. 

He wouldn't.

"You'll find someone better." He told me, his back facing me. This reminded me of the very first day I met him,

Except,

that ended on good terms.

"But there is no one better." I told him. He sighed before letting a tear stream down his pale face before turning to look at me.

It hurt, looking at him hurt.

"I'm an arrogant asshole that's addicted to drugs and this feeling that the devil exists. You don't need me in your life." Riley said to me.

The words cut like knives.

These words are knives and often leave scars.

"I've needed you for the past two years, you can't tell me that's not needing you." I hesitantly said to him.

Riley hugged me and pecked my lips before starting to the door.

"Goodbye Oli, I'm sorry." His voice cried out before touching the door handle again.

But this time,

walking out for real.

As soon as the door closed, I collapsed onto my bed, bawling my eyes out for a good half a night.

I didn't sleep that night. At all.

I was too busy thinking about the fact that I lost everything I've ever loved.

I guess when he left, he took a big piece of me with him.

I hope he's careful with it, because I don't want it even more shattered than it was when it left.

He was right, I will find someone better, but why would I want to when all I want is him? 

I hope he finds someone too.

Someone who can take his arrogance away. Or someone who will love him unconditionally. Someone who will give him the love that I never did.

Someone that will set up spontaneous dates at the carnival, and beg him to ride the ferris wheel with them. Someone who will pull cheesy pranks on him and demand a kiss afterwards. Someone who will put a smile on his face when he has tears in his eyes. Someone who will be there for him when he needs them the most.

And most of all, someone that is exactly like me.

and as I glance up into the sky with chapped, puffy lips and bloodshot, groggy eyes, I wish for him. but this time, I don't wish for him to be next to me.

I wish for someone to fall for him.

but even if he did find someone new, it could never be in the way that I loved him.

I wish for him to be happy.

even if it meant me hurting myself in the process.

goodbye, Riley Turner.

I hope I'll see you again.

maybe when we're older and have children, and we're married ，to other people.

maybe we'll stop by at a local coffee shop again and catch up on things that have happened in our lives.

maybe we'll sit on the roof of my house again, watching the stars, drinking alcohol, and we'll tell each other all the dirty little secrets that we've hid from each other all these years.

maybe we'll meet by accident and fall in love all over again.

maybe we'll count in a new year again, and share a secret kiss while no one else is looking.

maybe you'll surprise me with a puppy in our living room again.

maybe I'll write a song about you, and maybe you'll be sitting in the front row of one of my concerts, singing along to the lyrics of the song because you took the time to memorize them.

maybe we'll lay on my sister's bed and listen to music again，all the lyrics that spill our hearts out.

maybe we'll try and rap to songs again, then crash onto the ground in laughter when we both realize what fools we are.

maybe we'll take silly pictures again. you'll have your tongue sticking out and I'll be pulling my ears and puffing my face to look like a monkey.

maybe we'll curl up on my grandma's leather couch again, simply because you're afraid of thunderstorms.

maybe we'll meet again, in a new life, when our lives are different, but maybe we'll do all the things that we loved doing together.

maybe we'll fall in love all over again.

maybe, just maybe, if I wish hard enough, these could all be true again.

maybe just maybe, if you wished for the same exact thing, a miracle could happen.

until then, I will shut my eyes and think about everything we've done together, and all the things I wish I said to you, but kept bottled up inside because I was scared of your harsh response.

maybe, just maybe, you will love me again.

and we'll be forever and ever, once and for all.

I love you,

Riley Turner.

I always have.

I always will.