promises.

26

"Hey Noah. It's Christmas. Yeah, Christmas. And you know what that's like for me, or well, I hope you remember what it's like. It's about one in the afternoon and everyone is downstairs opening gifts, laughing and having a great time. Despite the fact that I practically told everyone that Riley and I are together. Anyway, I'm moping around in Riley's bedroom, just laying in bed playing games on my phone because I can't face the day. I have apples and candy in my bag from the other day to keep me occupied ，but don't ask why. Anyway, I'm just completely ignoring my sadness and letting it seep through me, but whatever. Ugh, Noah, it's hard you know. When the three people who meant the most to you aren't with you right now, in my case, it's you, Riley and my dad. I miss all of you more and more each day. Riley I can't miss because he's beside me most of the time, but whenever he's away, I feel like a part of me is gone too. It's just the way it is with love. When the other person's gone, you feel instantly weaker. You wouldn't know because you never got to expierence true love, just puppy love. At fourteen years old, no one really knows what love is. Except for me, after we broke up, I knew I was in love with Riley when I first saw him. I think you guys would have a great bond. It's a shame you can't come see me just for a day, it hurts me to know I'm never seeing my best friend and ex boyfriend again. You were like a brother to me before we got together, we had been friends for so long that I just assumed you were my brother anyway, and then I grew up. I grew up and I realized that no matter how badly you want happiness to collide within you all the time, it every now and then gets replaced with sadness. That's just the way it is. That's the way life is.

*Riley*

It's a constant streams of ups and downs, hellos and goodbyes, talk to you soons and I love yous. Basically what I'm trying to say, is even though it may look like it in the clouds of heaven, life is not always rainbows and butterflies. You can't have a rainbow without a little rain. Anyway, I'm going to stop bugging you with my hopeless problems that I know will never ever be fixed and I'll ask about you. How are you? How's God treating you up there? He has a special place for you, considering you were so young.

So young?

Oh, and did you bring any of your 'Attack On Titan' novels? I know you loved reading those. You always ranted to me about how much you loved Levi and Eren together. It was quite nice seeing someone as passionate with manga as you were. You're probably listening to Bad Romance by Lady Gaga and jamming out like crazy. Everyone has probably joined you, you were always the life of the party. You used to grind on girls right in front of me, but that's okay because I did every now and then too. But this was a bit after you and I broke up, and it was my best friend, so it never meant anything. And then I met Riley. And god I thought he was so perfect from the start.

I started to blush.

And then once I got to know him, he made my insides flutter like butterflies trying to escape the caccoon once they're fully grown. He told me once that I was the happiness that he's been searching for. I died a little inside. Just lile I did when he left me. It was April 13. The weather was rainy and windy, just like my life was. I know the exact timing, exact words said and exact feeling. I never pictured that. Ever. But I'm so happy it wasn't in the way you left me. Because I don't know what I'd do. Anyway, I figured out by a text from my mom that she supports Riley and I and that she called it all along. My mother truly is great. Then she asked if I'm coming downstairs and that there's a surprise for me.

I bolted down the stairs.

What should I do Noah? Should I go downstairs?

*Oliver*

Or should I stay up here where I'm safe from all the negativity and memories of my father? I'm going to take a deep breath and face the day. I have to. Thanks for listening Noah, I really appreciate it. I'll come visit your gravestone soon. Thanks for being you. Love, Oliver."