NCIS: LA FANFICTION: Madison

Shock

As the weeks went on I went to counseling...but the dreams kept going. Deeks always ran in when I woke up screaming. He and Kensi both had guns in their hands...just a reflex I guess. I tried to kill myself again and almost succeeded. I took a whole bottle of pills. "What did you do?! Maddie what did you do!" He said holding the bottle of pills. I just cried. He picked me up and carried me to the car quickly. Kensi sat in the back seat to make sure I stayed awake. I started getting sleepy. "Stay awake." She said. "Deeks!" She yelled nervously. "Slap her a little Kensi!" He was stressed I caused him that stress. We arrived to the hospital and I was taken to the ER. I got my stomach pumped. When I finally got to go home Deeks was not happy. "You need to fight it...we can't keep doing this." He said. "I know...it's just hard." I sighed. "I know, but we can't keep doing this." He ran his fingers through his hair. I sighed and nodded. Counseling kept going on and on. Weeks passed and I hadn't done anything reckless. I had a dream about killing myself. I woke up in the kitchen holding a knife. I threw in on the counter and backed up. I was breathing hard. I called for Deeks and he came to the kitchen. "I slept walked...and I almost...oh my god...I almost." I ran my fingers through my hair. "It's okay, you didn't want to and that is progress." He kissed my head. It was hard to keep myself from killing myself, but I did my best. I had a dream about hanging myself. I woke up with Deeks taking a cord of my throat. I was so shocked. It was uncontrollable. He felt bad...I couldn't help it...and neither could he. I was walking by my Uncle Deeks' room. I heard crying. I thought it was Kensi, but it was Deeks. "I don't know what to do...every night it's something different...its...I feel like its my fault." He cried. I started crying. The voice was back in my head. "Your making him miserable! Kill yourself! Do it now!" It screamed. I covered my ears and dropped to the floor screaming. I felt someone touch my back. I couldn't stop screaming and crying. "Die!" I heard. "No!!!" I screamed. My vision was blurred. "Get up and run! Go to the kitchen and grab a knife! Stab yourself!" It yelled. I got up and was about to run, but Deeks grabbed me. I kept crying. "Maddie...it's alright...calm down." He said. "I have to listen to her!" I cried. "Who?" Kensi asked. "The voice!" I cried. "What?" Deeks asked. "Do it!" It screamed. I tried squirming out of his arms. He held me tighter. "Madison!" It yelled. I knew the. It was my mothers voice in my head. I stopped squirming. I was in shock.