Have A Little Faith (Harry Styles FanFic)

20- Hush

ARTIST: Hellyeah       SONG: Hush

..."...Locks up your heart like a secret closet...So no one can penetrate...You just can't stand the touch...Affection weighs too much..."...

"The coward in me, wants to tell you that I would have never asked you to sit with me at Sonic while Jake went and let his mom in the house. If I would have just went with Jake, then I would have stopped seeing him and I would have never had to see you or hear about you again. The emotional part of me, wants to go back to last Saturday morning, before I kissed you and tell you all the ugly truth to my past so you would have told me to get out of your house and never darken your doorstep again."

"I would have never said that to you. I might have asked you to go home that day but it wasn't because of anything you did or said. I asked you to go home because I let myself think about my own fucked up past and I just didn't want to end up saying anything more. I didn't want to risk saying anything that might make you not want to talk to me anymore. You don't know how much it meant to me, to hear you say that you hoped I would still want to see you after you left. I could see how badly you really didn't want to leave that day but you showed me respect and understanding by doing what I asked you to. I know I've said this before and I will keep saying it until you finally believe me; nothing you can say, will make me not want you, Faith."

"We're about to find out whether or not that's true. Be patient with me and I will tell you the reason why I am the way that I am."

"I've got nothing but time, pretty girl." I say as I raise her hand to my mouth and kiss her soft skin.

"I told you, that my mom spends a lot of time at the bars, looking for a man to bring home, right?"

"Yes."

"Okay, well, when I was eight years old, not only was my mom a heavy drinker but she also had a cocaine addiction. One night, my mom came home and she had this guy with her; his name was Steve. Steve stayed with us for two days and on the third day, my mom left me alone with him so she could go and get her fix. Four days went by and still no mom. Steve was nice to me; he would watch cartoons with me and he even managed to find food for me to eat for those first four days. On the fifth day, Steve went to the neighbor's trailer and sat out on the porch all day getting drunk. It was the middle of the night before he came back into the trailer and when he came into my room, I thought he was just checking on me but then he crawled into the bed next to me. I still wasn't worried because he had been nothing but nice to me but then he...he started touching me. I asked him to stop but he wouldn't listen to me. He took off my nightgown...I begged him to stop again when he tried to take off my underwear..."

Faith stops talking and she has tears streaming down her face as she takes few deep breaths to try to calm herself down. 

I don't want to hear anymore.

I have a good idea of where this story is going and I really don't know if I can handle hearing the details.

I need to let her talk though.

I'm never going to understand her if I don't know the truth.

Silent tears stream down my face as I pull her hand to my mouth again so I can kiss her fingers gently in an attempt to soothe her and coax her into continuing on with her story. 

She won't look at me, she keeps her eyes focused on the lake and after a few more deep breaths, she clears her throat and starts talking again while she looks out at the water.