Forbidden

Chapter 6 - Clarity

Everything I thought about Karai had changed. I felt lost and confused, almost like I didn't even know her anymore. However in the midst of it all, I still felt a strong attachment for her...

Over the next couple of days, I keep a low profile. I decided on more than one occasion to skip out on patrol, fearing that I would bump into Karai again. It's one thing to keep a secret relationship hidden, but to keep a secret relationship with the enemy's daughter hidden from your three brothers is a whole other story.

The thing that upsets me the most, is knowing that for the first time in my life there might be something I'm involved with that I cannot control. Something I can't handle. Maybe Karai really does have a black heart? Maybe there really is no sense in trying to make her good? I was always taught to try my hardest and do what's right; but maybe this time around doing what's right is letting Karai figure out her identity for herself? Even if that means she risks everything?

---

I'm sitting in the lair, watching an old episode of Space Heroes. Raph has gone out with Casey, Donnie's in his lab working on some new project of his, and Mikey... well, I don't really know where Mikey is.

As the credits roll for the end of the episode, I roll onto the back of my shell and just stare at the concrete ceiling of my home, trying to get some sort of clarity on what to do about Karai. I've never handled this sort of thing on my own before, and to be honest it really scares me. As a leader, my biggest fear is failure. That fear is emphasised even more because if I fail I don't just let down my brothers; I let down everyone. I let down Splinter, I let down every citizen of New York.

"Leonardo?"

My eyes open immediately as I hear the familiar deep sound of Splinter's voice. I look directly above me to see him standing over me, both hands calmly relaxed behind his back. He raises an eyebrow.

"Sensei," I say, scrambling to my feet. "You startled me."

"What are you doing lounging around?" He asks sensitively. My eyes wander to the floor, as I try to not make eye contact in fear of accidentally saying something I shouldn't. Splinter rests a hand on my shoulder. "Come with me, my son." I follow him into his bedroom, where he lights a candle and sits in the middle of the room. I sit too, as he prepares himself into a meditation position and slowly lowers his eyelids. "Tell me, what troubles you?"

I purse my lips together, and close my eyes as well. "I'm just feeling a little out of sorts recently. I don't expect you to understand."

He hums a short response. "Tell me, Leonardo, are you feeling out of sorts because of a girl?" My eyes flick open, as my jaw hangs low. He chuckles. "Just because I am old, does not mean I have forgotten everything about life as a human." I sigh deeply as I recline back onto the floor, arms and legs spread out wide like I'm making snow angels.

"I'm just so confused, Sensei." I say. "I thought that she was one thing, and it turns out she was another. I don't even know what I want anymore."

He hums again. "Sometimes, we need to let others figure things out for themselves." He changes position. "Perhaps this girl needs to decide what she wants as well?"

I nod and sigh. "It's just..." I sit up. "She comes across as a bit of a criminal." At that moment, Splinter's face changes to stone cold, and for a second I think he's figured it all out. "But, I know that inside she's really got a good heart."

He hums once more, except this time it's not so much of a relaxed hum. "You say this girl is a criminal?"

I wave my hands in front of me. "No, no it's not that she is a criminal, it's that she comes across as one. She doesn't like to follow the rules, if you get what I mean?"

He nods, and his posture relaxes again. "Well, maybe you need to allow this girl to get caught in her own undoings before she decides on what she is."

Suddenly, an idea sparks in my head. Karai thinks she's invincible. True, she's a highly trained, deadly assassin who is capable of killing an entire army in under a minute; but she's not indestructible. Sooner or later she's going to get too cocky, and she'll fall just short of the finish line. When she does, that's when I'll step in and she can decide for herself whether she's a villain or a hero.

I jump to my feet. "That's it! Thank you, Sensei." I bow and walk towards the door. Before I can leave, Splinter stops me.

"Leonardo," he says. I stop and turn around. "When you are dealing with this girl, remember not to allow yourself to get too attached. You must not allow your feelings to blind you to where your loyalties lie."

I nod, and exit the room. Although I know that he's right, I know it's too late to not get too attached. For the first time in my life, I feel like there's someone out there for me. Someone special. I can't get her out of my head, and every time we touch I feel magic. Every time her and I kiss, I feel as though I could fly. What Karai and I have is pure and true, and if I can just get her to see that, then maybe, just maybe, she'll see the goodness in herself for what it really is.

But for now, I finally have my clarity. It's all so clear now. Like a fly caught in a spiders web, Karai will fall from grace, and when she does - I'll be there to catch her.