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Chapter 12 - Gone Girl

It felt like a horrible nightmare. Karai, the one girl I have ever shown any affection for and who has ever shown any affection towards me, was gone. Coping with the grief was the hardest thing I have ever had to do...

Raph hugged me tightly while hot tears streamed down my face. "Everything is gonna be okay, Leo." He says.

I want to believe him, but I can't find the strength to even think about anything but Karai. Painful flashes of her face before she brought the warehouse down haunt my memories. Every time I close my eyes, I see her. It's almost like her ghost is haunting me, reminding me of her presence.

When Raph lets me go, I fall to my knees. My head hangs low, and my hands are shaking like crazy. My eyes are tightly shut, yet tears still run rampant down my face. This pain is like nothing else I have ever felt before. It's not like when you get kicked in the stomach in the middle of a fight or when you get a cut on your arm from someone else's weapon, but more like you've had a vital piece of you torn out and you've been left to bleed to death. It hurts more than any wound I have ever sustained before. It's not the type of pain I'm used to. It's worse.

Frank had informed us of an old apartment he had on 11th street, and that he would be safe staying there until he could safely return to his lab. Once we drop him off, he gives me a sad look.

"She didn't die in vain, Leonardo." He says softly.

I clench my teeth together and turn my head away so I wouldn't face him. He steps off the Shellraiser, and slinks away into his apartment.

I fight back tears. Despite his bitter sympathy, I know that deep down he had something against Karai. It seems that a lot of people do, actually. Everyone keeps saying to me that Karai isn't who she says she is, that she's not the same person I thought I knew. They say that I think I have her all figured out, but there is a major piece missing from the puzzle. But I know that Karai was just as good-hearted and kind as anyone could ever be, despite her dark background.

When we reach the lair, the first thing I do is lock myself in my room. I can't deal with this if I'm walking around in a place where Karai was a mere few hours ago. I need some time to myself to calm down and try and grieve.

I pull my knees to my chest, and tuck my head between them. Soft tears trickle down my face, running down my legs.

It's not fair. She didn't deserve to die. She didn't deserve what she got. She was trying to save us, and because of that she didn't need to be killed. She saved us. She saved all of us. She gave herself up in order to save those that she loved. But it doesn't justify her being killed.

I hear a soft knock at my door. "Leo?" It's April. "Leo, can I come in?" After no answer, she slowly opens the door, and quietly walks towards me. She sits next to me, and rests a hand on my arm. "You can't just lock yourself up for the rest of your life."

"Yes I can." I reply, not even bothering to look up.

"What about your training? What about New York?"

"Let Raph handle it. He's always wanted to be leader, after all." Another tear falls from my eye.

"But they need you." She says softly. "Karai would have wanted you to--"

"How would you know what Karai would have wanted?!" I snap at her, finally looking up. "You didn't know her like I did! None of you did!"

"Leo..." April goes to touch my arm but I move away.

"None of you will ever understand what sort of pain I'm going through. You have never had someone you love be killed right in front of your eyes." April looks hurt and starts to back away. I curl back up into a little ball and start to sob. "It's not fair."

She sits in front of me. "Nothing is ever fair." She says. "Remember when my dad was taken by the Kraang?" I look up, remembering the painful memory. "I was on my own for ages. It took me forever to finally get over grieving for him."

"What're you saying?" I ask.

She sighs. "I'm saying, you need to give it some time. Pain won't last forever unless you make it. You need to try and get over this yourself." She stands up. "You're a leader, Leo. You need to be strong." She heads towards the door, and takes one step before turning around and facing me. "I know I may not have known Karai as well as you did, but if there's one thing I do know, it's that she wouldn't want you to give up."

I lie back on my bed once April has left the room. My heart aches in ways I could never even imagine, and my face is wet and slippery from my endless waterfall of tears. I sigh deeply, before resting my arms behind my head and starring at the concrete ceiling.

For hours, I feel like I just look upwards. Not even blinking. In my head I recite a poem I once heard someone singing on the streets one patrol night.

You may not be perfect,

But you are mine.

You may not always have the best breath,

But you are mine.

You may not always have a smile on your face,

Or always think you look beautiful,

But you are mine.

And all of these things I tell you now,

Is just a reminder of how much I love you.

You are special to me in more ways than I can count,

And for the amount of joy and happiness you bring to me every time I see your face,

I cannot thank you enough.

And no one else but me can understand how much you mean to me,

Because you are the one and only.

You are mine.

I'll miss you Karai. Each and every day. A day will not go by where I don't think about you. But I hope that wherever it is you are - whether it be overhead watching down on me, or somewhere else - that you are happy.

Because you made the ultimate sacrifice.

And I love you.