BETTER THAN I CAN EVER HOPE FOR IN MY ENTIRE LIFE Book Four

Bella thought she lost Edward

                                        Bpov

 I was dreaming of every time Edward had spent together. The good and bad. When we were in school. How I felt about him then. Then I could hear Edward but it seemed like his voice was so far away.
"I'm sorry Bella I should've of talk to you before this happen. If anything this was my fault and I pushed you to this. I didn't mean for it to go this far." I open my eyes and Edward was looking down at my wrist with tears falling from his eyes.

 "I love you  Bella. Only if you really knew how much. I know you promised you wouldn't do this but I want you to know I understand and forgive you." Tears started to fall from eyes and I took my hand and gently put it to the side of his face. He closed his eyes and leaned into my hand. He opened his eyes and looked at me and then laid his head on my stomach. I ran my hand through his hair. "I can't lose you Bella. You're my life." I forced him to look up at me and I started to sign.

 I thought I already lost you. I could not stand it no more of you not talking to me, not even being in the same room with you. I mean it felt like you couldn't stand looking at me anymore or being in the same room with me. I am so sorry Edward. Edward grabbed my hands. "Don't even say your sorry Bella, because it should be me that apologizes to you. I did this to you. I pushed you off the edge that you were already standing on. I'm so so sorry for that. The things that was going through my head after you told me that a week ago. I should of never pushed you away." I sat up slowly and wrapped my arms around Edward as tight as I could.

I turned and whispered in his ear. "I love you!" I maybe not able to speak it outloud but I needed him to know with my words that I loved him."

 He pulled his head away and looked at me. "I love you to." He pressed his lips to mine and softly gave me a quick kiss. "Mommy you're awake!" I turned my head and look down at Thomas then back up to Edward.
He bent down and picked up Thomas. "What can I tell you. He feels the same way I do and wouldn't stop crying unless I brought him with me."

I smiled and giggled and then signed. Like father like son. I opened my arms for Thomas and he hugged me as Edward chuckled. "What mommy say?" Thomas asked. "That you're just like me." Edward told him. "Yep, just like my daddy. Can not stand being away from mommy." I giggled.

"Will talk more later when we can be alone." I nodded. I knew we still needed to talk. For the fear of losing Edward is great and I'm still on that edge.

                                      Epov

A few days later Bella got to come home and we had a house full. I took Thomas to my job to get a permit for a Christmas tree. I got asked 20 questions before I got out of there. Thomas and I were walking around the woods until he came back up to me and grabbed my good hand and tried to pull me.

I had talk my dad into putting a brace on my wrist and hand. It was driving me nuts I couldn't do anything with it. "Daddy I found the perfect tree. Mommy will love it." He told me. "Okay buddy I'm coming." I chuckled as I followed him.  Bella and I still haven't talked. No one will even let us near each other and it's starting to make me angry. I haven't seen her since we got home and I don't even know how Bella is feeling all about this.

"See daddy it's perfect." I looked to where Thomas was standing. It was tall and very fluffy. It was a blue spruce.

"You did good son it's perfect. Mommy will love it." I got it cut down and put it  in the back of the truck. When we got home April ran outside to us. "We're so glad your home Edward." I looked at her confused as I took the tree out of the back of the truck.

"What is it now April?" I asked her carrying the tree and setting it against the deck. "It's Bella she won't let anyone in the bedroom."
As we walked into the house I heard crashing noises. "What the hell is going?" I asked. "Son we're sorry but Bella started signing to us thinking that you left her for good. We tried to tell her it wasn't true."

"IF YOU LET ME IN THE ROOM DAYS AGO AND LET US TALK NONE OF THIS WOULD OF EVER HAPPEN." I went back out the front door and went around the house to our bedroom and dug my key out and unlocked the padlock to the door to walkout area.

I walked up to the door and heard Bella scream out. When I got the door open she was on her knees crying. I kneeled down and wrapped my arms around her. "Baby I'm here, I didn't leave you." Bella fell back against and just screamed to the top of her lungs. I got up and grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around her. I picked her up and took her out the way I came in.

I put her in the passenger side of the truck and buckled her in and shut the door. My dad and mother come running out with Thomas tagging behind. I kneeled down to Thomas. "Where you taking mommy?"

"We just need to go for a little bit and talk. I need you to be a big boy and help Grandma and Rose take care of Julie can you do that for me son?"

"Yes daddy!" He ran back to my mother and hugged her leg. "Just don't dad. I do not want to hear excuses. We need to do this. You asked me that night to fix this. Well that's what I'm going to try and do. But I can't do it when no one will let me. I have to do for us dad or there will be no more us and I just can't live with myself if that happens and I lose her."

My dad nods and I turn and jump into the truck. As I was driving Bella was still screaming out and kept signing I lost him. I took a deep breath and pulled over the truck. I unbuckled Thomas's car seat and set it behind the seat. I unbuckled Bella and slid her next to me and buckled her back in. I got back up to speed and wrapped my arm around Bella and pulled her against my side.

I finally stopped after I was driving along the back roads for awhile.
I got out and went over to the passenger side of the truck and got in.
I unbuckled the seat belt on Bella and pulled her on my lap. "Bella stop baby you didn't lose me. I'm right here." After about a half-hour she finally stopped and looked up at me. "I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere. Not ever. I need you as much as you need. I do not know why it took me so long to see that."

 She just looked at me. "I couldn't leave you even if I wanted to Bella. That first time you took your life you took my heart with you that day."
I took a deep breath. "Then when Billy stabbed you and you died. I died with you. God I wished a million times I can turn back time and told you before that first time you took your life how I felt. How I still feel. But it feels like all I'm doing is breaking your heart."

I buried my face in her hair. "I'm so sorry Bella when you needed me the most I turned my back on you and I shouldn't of done that." Bella reached up and cupped the side of my face. I looked down at her.

She pulled her hands away and started signing. I have not seen you in days. "I know baby and I'm sorry for that. I tried to get into you but noone will let me." She signed again. Why didn't you push hard to see me or demand? "I didn't want to make a scene in front of the kids. I think I did a good enough job of that taking you out of the house." Bella turned her head away.

 I took my hand and gently turned it back to me. "Don't turn away from me. I feel bad enough. Just please don't ever leave me Bella by killing yourself even if it was me that pushed you. I couldn't live with myself if you ever did that." She wrapped her arms around me and started crying. "Baby I love you so much. Please forgive me!"

I do not own all the characters in my story Stephanie Meyers does.

I own the rest of the characters and story.