We're Alright Though [Trigger Warning:self-harm And Drinking.] [Ashley Purdy]

All the hate goes to my dick

As soon and Emma and I get to the signing tent the guys stand up and hand us our stuff. "Where we going now?" I ask Cc. "Well the show starts in ten so we need to go get ready." I smile and walk over to Ash. "What's up with Emma?" He asks gesturing towards her. She's talking with Andy and shifting around uncomfortably.

"Umm i-i don't know." He looks at me in confusion then nods. "Alright guys lets go!" Their manager yells from outside the tent. Ash grabs my hand and I slip on my aviators and walk with the guys. I take constant glances at Emma and Andy. She's smiling like never before. I smile.

I'm glad that Andy makes her happy. I get a few dirty looks from people but I return them. Ashley laughs. "You're good at that." I smile. "Years of practice bro." He shakes his head. "Did you just call me bro?" He smiles looking at me. "Yes. Yes I did. Would you rather me call you boo?"

I smirk. "Bro sounds good." We laugh and joke around some more. I let go of Ashley's hand and walk over and grab Emma's. She looks at me and laughs. "Tag!" I say jumping away from her. "Really rocky?! We're 17!" I laugh.

"And?" She smiles and runs after me. "Cc!" I yell grabbing his arm. "Help me!" He laughs and shakes his head. "You're on your own for this one Amethyst." He says as Emma touches my arm. "Tag bitch!" She yells and runs over to Andy. He laughs.

"Fuck you Coma!" I yell smiling and running over to Emma. We play tag until we get to the stage. We run backstage with the guys and watch them get ready. "I kinda miss all the war paint." I say to Ash when their done. "Maybe one day girl." I laugh and kiss Ashley before they run on stage. Emma and I sing along with every song they play.

Right as they finish I am bulletproof, Andy grabs the mike and walks to the front of the stage. "What's up Atlanta!" He screams. The crowd screams back. "How the fuck are you guys!?!" He asks the crowd louder then before. "Ok before we play our next song. We have two fucking amazing, kick ass girls backstage!

How many of you guys want to meet them?!" Andy yells thrusting the mike towards the crowd. They cheer and scream. I look at Emma and she laughs. "Just don't pass out ok?" She says grabbing my hands. "Ok." I say smiling. All I've ever wanted to do is go onstage with Bvb and now..I'm going onstage because I'm friends with them. Holy shit fuck.

Im pulled from my thoughts when Andy comes backstage to get us. "You guys wanna?" He asks looking at both of us. I look at Emma then back at Andy and smile. "Fuck yes!" We say in unison. He laughs. When Cc sees us coming on stage he yells, "Fuck yeah!"

And once again the crowd screams. Andy grabs Emma's hand and Ashley grabs mine. "These beautiful girls are Emma, my girlfriend," he gestures towards her and she blushes. I laugh.

"And this is Amethyst." He says, Ashley pulling me into his hip and kissing me. I actually didn't think the crowd could get any louder but I was proven wrong. Very wrong.

"Can we take a minute to appreciate how fucking sexy my girlfriend is?" Ashley yells into his mike. I blush and hide my face in His shoulder. They all laugh. "What do you want us to play?" Andy asks looking at Emma and I. Emma whispers something to me and I smile. She whispers it to Andy and he laughs.

After he thanks us we head of stage. "This is World of Sacrifice!" Andy says and they start playing it. I smile. "Well I guess its out there." I say laughing. Emma smiles. The guys play 4 more songs before they run off stage. The rest of the guys go to a room to clean up and hang out. Emma sits next to Andy and he hugs her.

I smile and start to walk over to the room but before I can take a step someone grabs my arm. I let out a small yelp as I'm twisted around and pressed against a wall. I hear a door closes and I look to the right of me. "You are so hot when you blush."

He growls as he walks up to me. "Ash what're you-" I'm cut off as he kisses me roughly. I instantly kiss him back. My hands snake around his neck and his wrap around my waist. I smile. My body burns at his touch. I kiss him harder but we are interrupted by someone banging on the door.

He pulls away. We catch out breath. "Can't catch a break can we." I laugh and he smirks. We walk to the door and Ash opens it. "What were you guys doing?" Emma asks crossing her arms and smiling. "I was showing her some bass stuff. "

Ash says confidently. "Mhmm." She says laughing. "I'll smack the 'mhmm' right out your mouth." I say under my breath. Ashley laughs. "What do you guys wanna do?" Jinxx asks. "Strip club!!!" Jake and Ashley yell. The guys all laugh.

"Male strip club!!" Emma and I yell back. Everyone laughs again. Cc grows quiet and begins to shift around uncomfortably. He looks away when I look at him. I furrow my eyebrows and sigh. Shaking my head and turning back to the rest of the guys. "But no really. What are we going to do?" Emma asks.

"We could go see a film!" The guys laugh and look at me. "What?" "The way you said 'film'. And the fact that you said film." Andy says laughing. "Oh. Yeah, that's how I say it." I say innocently. They laugh.

"Where are you from again?" Jake asks. "South Shields, its a town on the mouth of the Tyne river." (Ok so people from south shields normally say film and not movie. And they pronounce it 'fil-um') "oh cool! We had a show their once." I smile. "What movie do you guys want to see?" "What about a horror movie?"

Jinxx suggests. "Yeah!" We all chime. Cc smiles nervously. I take a deep breath in and excuse myself from the group. I grab Cc's arm and drag him behind a corner. "What's wrong?" I ask crossing my arms. "Nothing?" I shake my head.

"Don't fucking lie go me. What's wrong?" I ask again. His face softens. "Since we brought up the strip club shit you've been acting kinda weird." I say. "The male strip club...that's when you got all weird...and every time we hang out you're always eyeing some guy. And when you were helping me this morning..with the makeup. You didn't once look at my boobs or anything. Not that I'm mad about that. I'm just saying most guys would be staring. you weren't. And you never do."

He looks at me. Fear in his eyes. "Cc...you can tell me anything you know that?" I whisper. A tear rolls down his cheek. "I-im gay..." He says so quietly that I could barely hear it. I smile. "Hey look at me." He looks at me tears threatening to spill over. "Have you told anyone?"

I ask softly. "Yes. Jinxx knows. He's been helping me. I've just..im scared people will judge and hate me." I feel tears come to my eyes. "Christian." I say cupping his face. He sniffles. "Don't you ever be afraid of who you are. People will always have something to say. Weather you're straight, gay, lesbian, bi. It doesn't matter. You are you and you are perfect."

He smiles. "Remember what I always say?" He smiles. "Haters gonna hate.." I laugh a little and feel a tear roll down my cheek. "Be confident ok. Just be yourself. It's easier that way." I say smiling. He smiles back and hugs me. "I'm always gonna be here for you. I love you Cc. Don't forget that ok?" I say into his chest.

"Ok." We pull away. "Let's go." I say and wipe my eye. As does Cc. We walk back Jinxx gives us a questioning look and Cc mouths 'she knows.' He smiles and nods. "No we should see world war z!" Jake says. I laugh. Ashley shakes his head. "Fine." I grab Ashley's hand as we walk out of the venue. "What happened with you and Cc?" He asks. "I just asked him what I should get Jake for his birthday."

I lied remembering that Jake turns 30 next week. He nods. "Oh. Ok." He says jeleousy pangs his voice. I smile. We get to the car and I sit with ash and Jake on the other side of me. I lean my head on Ashley's shoulder. He kisses my forehead. I smile and begin to mindlessly trace patterns on his leg. The ride to the theater is filled with Ashley and Jake fighting about world war z and everybody laughing. 'This is nice.' I think to myself. 'Don't get used to the love bitch.' The voice in my head interrupts.

I close my eyes in an attempt to get rid of the demon in my mind. 'You can't do anything right and you don't deserve anyone you whore' she says. Stop. Please just stop. "Hey." Ashley says striking my cheek. "You ok?" I open my eyes. No I'm not. I'm a fuck up and I'm scared.

I can't do anything right and the voice in my head keeps trying to kill me. It tells me I'm not good enough and that you won't stay and I want to believe it. I don't know why I just do. I can't do it. I just can't I'm to far gone and to scared. I want to say that. I want to tell him but all that comes out are two words. Two words that I say every day. "I'm fine."