We're Alright Though [Trigger Warning:self-harm And Drinking.] [Ashley Purdy]

Kitchen sink

Austin's POV

I woke up to the sound of a monitor beeping rhythmically. My eyes scan the room looking for the other guys but I'm just greeted with the cold sense of alone. well, not completely alone. I look at the pale girl in the bed. Emma has been stable for about 6 hours.

   Which is the longest so far. Andy left for the first time tonight. What time was it? What day? I look around for my phone, I grab it off the table next to me and look at the time. 4am. I slowly get up and walk quietly over to the bed. Her face is pale, her hair complimenting her milky white skin. I've only talked to her a few times, when she was awake. Shes funny, smart, and kind. Sarcasm seems to be her first language though.

   but it's always entertaining to see her and Cc get on each other. But she always becomes sad when Andy wakes up or walks in the room. It's like every time she sees him, shes reminded of what's happened. And as much as she tries to push it away, you can tell that shes dying inside.

  It's been about a week since Ame was in here. The other guys know where she is but I haven't bothered to ask, knowing they won't tell me for her sake and mine. Its weird without her. I stare at the door hoping she'll walk through and her and Emma will go back to what it was like, whatever it was. My mind wills for the door handle to twist.

  As if they could hear my thoughts, Jake, Jinxx and Alan walk back in. I signal for them to be quiet and they nod as they sit down. "she still stable?" Alan asks staring at the pale ginger in front of us. "Yeah, about 6 hours now." I mutter rubbing my eyes. None of us speak for about 3 minutes, letting only the sounds of her breathing and heart beat.

   Finally Alan breathes in to break the silence. "You should go to the hotel. It looks like you haven't slept in days." I laugh. "It's cause I haven't. I can't. Not without knowing where she is and if she's okay." It's takes them a second to realize who I'm talking about. "Shes okay. She can protect herself." He says trying to comfort me. My head hangs in my hands as I become aware of my heart's pace.

  It does this when I talk about her. I haven't made an attempt to find her though. No one has. If she doesn't want to be found, she won't be. But. I think that she secretly wants to be found. Maybe she hopes that someone, one of us, will find her and save her...probably not, this girl would never ask for help.

  "Go to the hotel Aus." I look up at Alan who is standing above me. "I'm fi-" he slams his hand down on the desk. "Dammit Austin just go to the hotel! We have a show in 13 hours and you haven't slept or sound checked in 3 days so fucking go sleep." I grab the keys to the car we rented and push him out of my way.

  "I hate you Ashby." I say opening the door. He laughs lightly and shoves me out the door. I laugh. My laugh fades to an uncomfortable cough as I walk out of the hospital and the cold, bitter air hits me immediately. I fold my arms and walk to the rental car. It's black exterior is shiny and new, I open the door and the scent of the new leather fills the air.

   It pleases me, the small things always do. I get in and start it, sitting there for a second with my hands on the wheel. I grip the wheel tightly and stare blankly at the tree to my right, it's branches swaying violently in the wind. I hate this weather, the white noise from the wind makes me more aware of my own thoughts, my own breathing and heartbeat.

  Things I often try to ignore. I shake my head and begin to drive to the hotel. Before I know it I'm collapsing on the bed out of sudden, overwhelming exhaustion.

Ameythyst's P.O.V

Harley's swallows me as I jump on it. The fuzzy blankets and soft pillows help me relax. I lay there and for a second, just one second, I forget about what's happened. But it doesn't last and I am again, consciously aware of what I've done. I killed the damn baby. I made her do it. It's my fault.

  I don't react to these thoughts as I've had them daily. I sit up and turn her TV on. The Friends theme plays and I smile. I hear Harley, over the running shower, laugh in the bathroom. She's always taken surprisingly long showers, the nurses hated it. They kept thinking she drowned herself.
I sit there watching TV for a few hours.

  Watching Monica and Chandler and how they love each other that much. But, I realize something. I've pushed it back so many times but I finally decide to let it go. His face flashed in my mind and I close my eyes. I love him. No, you don't.

  I love him and I won't admit it. Because he hurt me and he's dying so I can't love him. Some higher power decided that I can't be with him because...I don't know. We aren't supposed to be together, I'm not supposed to love him! That isn't how is supposed to go!! But I do! God dammit I love him more than anything.

  I see him and remember how good he was until that one night. And...I love him and I've only ever loved him and- wait....Michael...And Austin....I'm hurting them too. Oh god. I can't just go back. The next time I see austin he'll just be hurt and angry and when Michael comes back....Oh god. I'm such a bitch. I'm no good.

  All I ever do is fuck things up so why should I go back... I'll make everything just that much worse. God, I miss the other guys though, it's only been a week or so but I still miss them. Even thought they know where I am I told them.not to visit me or anything. And I -

  "You wanna go to warped tomorrow?" I say as Harley come out of the bathroom. "Uh..What?" She sits down next to me, her wet hair dripping on the duvet. "warped, tomorrow. Do you want to go?" She looks at me, stunned but doesn't mention anything.

  "Yeah, if you want to." She smiles. I nod. "I'm gonna go buy some thing really fast, uh..I'll be back." I say standing up and stretching. "Okay, get me something?" I smile and nod.

*Skipping the store and the car ride there and back cause I'm a lazy mother fucker*

I close the door and see Harley's mom standing in the kitchen. I smile at her and run up the stairs. Harley is still watching TV but her hair is almost dry now as she absent mindedly runs the hair dryer over her hair. I laugh and throw her Oreos and chocolate milk at her.

  She jumps when they hit her bed but sees the Oreos and smiles. "Thanks love." I flip her off and laugh. Sitting down on the floor, I spread the contents of the two bags I have on the floor. Bleach, hair dye, makeup, some clothes and some food.

  Harley looks at the hair dye. "Uh, why? You just re-dyed it like 2 weeks ago.." I nod. "Yeah, but less people will notice me if my hair is different and I have different clothes. They wouldn't expect me to wear shorts or a crop top." I say holding up the fabrics.

  She nods back. I stand and grab the hair dye and bleach. I walk into the bathroom and begin to mix the bleach. "Wanna help me?" I ask her, sectioning off my hair. I hear her walk towards the bathroom door, she slowly opens it as she stuffs another Oreo in her mouth.

   I look at her questioningly and laugh. She grabs some glovessss the other dye brush that's on the counter and we start to lather the bleach onto my now short hair. We let it sit and then I wash it out. Not bothering to dry it, we start to mix the blue and silver dyes. I smile and plop some dye on my head and laugh.

  After a few hours, we finally reach our final result. I run my hands through my short, smokey blue hair. Admiring the shade and the length. I smile and skip out of the bathroom. I look down and see my new clothes. I decide to try them on, just to see how much makeup I need to cover my scars.

  I quickly put it on and look in the mirror. I look nothing like myself. The old me, the one they will be looking for, would never even approach the thought of shorts or a crop top. I strip the clothes off and jump into a onesie I bought the other day. I climb into bed next to Harley.

  "Please wake up on time tomorrow morning." She says laughing and shutting the lights off. I smile even though she can't see it. Tomorrow, I will see Ashley and all of the guys again. I will keep my distance. Because that's the right thing to do. It's what I have to do.
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Right?