One Hundred Attempts

Lights Out

The next few days passed without much excitement. Phil and I followed our everyday routine of wake up, cereal, Anime, Twitter/Tumblr, more food, sleep, repeat. That was, until the terrible incident. Okay, it wasn't that terrible. I'm probably being a little dramatic.

I woke up with a start from a series of loud crashes and a small "oops."
I groaned as I got out of bed and saw that it was 9 in the morning. It was far to early to deal with the day.

I walked to the kitchen to find a very frazzled Phil standing in a large mess that consisted of crushed cereal, spilled milk, and a shattered bowl.

"Wait..." I said, staring at the mess then towards phil, "is that my cereal?!"

All of a sudden Phil leaped forward and ran all the way out our front door. without thinking I bolted after him.
"I swear to god, Phil, I am going to eviscerate you!" I yelled after him as we raced down the stairs and out the door.

Phil had stopped to catch his breath outside on the grassy area by the pavement so I took the opportunity to body slam him to the ground. But my tactic was flawed, because suddenly I landed on top of him. We looked at eachother for a second only to burst out into laughter. For a second we locked eyes and I leaned in closer, and closer until our noses were almost touching. I was close enough to kiss him.

Then I remembered we were outside, in a public area and that I was nothing but Phil's friend. I quickly stood up awkwardly and blushed out of pure embarrassment. At least a handful of people had just experienced two full grown men in pajamas and bedhead roll around in the grass.

I clumsily helped Phil up, who was still beaming adorably, and dragged him back inside.

"Wow! I don't think I've ever done that much exercise in may life." exclaimed Phil, "that was so much fun!"

"No it wasn't! it was so humiliating!" I yelled and walked quickly away from him.

"You almost kissed Phil, what the hell where you possibly thinking? I scolded myself, "under no circumstance is that a good thing to do. you let your stupid emotions get in the way."

I got to my bedroom and climbed under the covers like it was a cave. A dark, lonely cave of stupidity and utter carelessness.

After a very long time of childish sulking I heard a soft knock at my door. I grunted to show that I acknowledged it.

Phil walked in with his hands behind his back and a cautious look on his face. I felt terrible for being so immature as to cause such an expression.

"I cleaned up the cereal" Phil muttered in an unsure tone.

I replied with a nod.

"look, I'm sorry for making you feel embarrassed," Phil apologized as he crossed my room to sit on the edge of my bed, "and because of that I went to the store and bought you some Maltesers."

I sat up at this. Not because of the Maltesers, well not all because of the Maltesers, but because I could finally see my inner dilemmas had now hurt Phil when I hadn't intended it.

"Thanks, I'm sorry I was acting stupid. Let's just forget about all of this and go play some Mario Kart."

Phil agreed quickly, so we started up the game. Unfortunately, it didn't last very long.

I was in the middle of annihilating Phil when the screen turned blank and all the lights in our home shut off.

We sat there in silence for a few seconds, unsure of what to do, until I found my phone and turned on its torch.

Phil looked ghostly in the limited lighting. His sharp features were amplified and his pale eyes shone.

"You could tell him now." I thought in my head. So I opened my mouth then closed it, then opened it one more time, only to close it shortly after because I looked like a fish out of water. "Attempt 95." I shuttered.

"Well we can't just sit here all day in our powerless home." Phil finally spoke, "Let's go on a London adventure!"

"Really Phil," I rolled my eyes, but I knew I was going to agree to it anyways. Because who could ever say no to that cute face? "We aren't really adventure seeking individuals usually."

"Come on, it'll be fun!"

"Fine."

I couldn't help but to think that this outing could be the day that I had hoped would come for all these years. It could be the day I finally say
"I am gay."