Loving Luke | muke [c]

Nineteen

The day Ashton and Calum met marked a big day in my life. It was, obviously, a much bigger day for the two of them, who crossed eyes in a busy coffee shop in the City Business District. But it was a big day for me, nonetheless. I, the young man with no soulmate, had to give up a best friend a second time because of a stupid black ink symbol somewhere on a body part. In Ashton and Calum's case, an ankle. I had to watch first hand, for a second time, as the person I had grown attached to grew attached to someone else. Someone they had never met, someone they had never even seen before, but that all of a sudden were a whole lot more important than I had ever been.

I wasn't sure if it was selfish of me to feel the way I did, but I couldn't help it. I had tried so hard to be happy for Luke back when I was seventeen, it felt like I had wasted all my energy on that one single person. When the time came to endure the whole Cashton romance, I was having none of it. Watching them be so happy around each other made me want to cringe. The way they could talk with nothing but their eyes made me want to cry. The way they spent hours sitting on my living room couch (before Calum moved in) in the late hours of the morning talking about their life dreams made me want to scream. The way the two of them looked at each other when Ashton handed Calum a key to our apartment and then proceeded to formally ask him to move in (I already knew about that considering we had discussed it and Ashton had asked for my permission) made me want to move out.

It took a very long for me to get used to the idea that my life would always turn out the same way. Whoever I met, whoever I got attached to who had yet to find their soulmate, would eventually find their soulmate. The outcome would forever be same as it was with Luke and then Ashton and there was no point in me wallowing in self pity. That was the way things were, and it was something I would have to learn to brush off and move on from. Everyone around me would fall in love and I would watch them do so, only dreaming about the day it would happen to me. I would have to find happiness elsewhere: in my studies, in my family, in my job. I was destined to live this way and there was nothing I could do about it. It was when I finally accepted that, that watching Ashton and Calum became easier for me. That was when I realised there was no point in me wishing anything but happiness for the both of them. Because I would gain nothing from any different outcome to their relationship.

Ashton sat across from me at the table, eyes focusing on his phone as he typed away. I didn't bother speaking, finding that whatever I said would go completely unnoticed by the curly haired man. I could see he was frowning, biting down on the inside of his cheek, and by the distressed look in his eyes, I could tell he was fighting with someone. My first guess was obviously Calum, but the thought of soulmates getting into arguments was something foreign to me. Everything about soulmates was foreign to me, but this was something I didn't think was even possible. Soulmates, in my head at least, were supposed to love each other unconditionally, to be in love with every little thing about their partner. Fights just didn't seem right.

He sighed, locking his phone and tossing it onto the small table. Crossing his arms, Ashton frowned, looking out of the window. We were sitting up on the second floor of the Dome restaurant just across the road from my old apartment (now only Calum and Ashton's), getting the familiar feeling we used to get when walking the way down here for dinner when we got paid. I smelled of dog piss and I felt like a layer of dirt covered my entire body, but when Ashton asked me if I wanted to come in for a sandwich, I couldn't say no. I just didn't think the atmosphere would be as bad as it really was.

"You have no idea how lucky you are," Ashton shook his head, hazel eyes flickering to me as I eyed him curiously. "To just not have a soulmate."

I tilted my head, watching as Ashton picked up his glass of Coke and took a long sip. "How so?"

Ashton shrugged, clicking his tongue as he did so. "Things just get so complicated. It's an eternal battle between feeling happy and feeling completely miserable. I always find myself wondering what my life would be like if I hadn't found Calum, you know? Or if we weren't soulmates and things just stayed the way they are with you. If we were just very good friends."