Loving Luke | muke [c]

Seventeen

Luke loved his birthday. It was the one day of the year that the blond always had a smile on his face. It was the one day of the year everyone forgot about their problems, forgot everything that was wrong in the world and focused solemnly on the happy blond. There was always something about Luke's smile when he woke up on his birthday; it was my favourite smile in the world. I would purposely sleep over at Luke's house every single year, making sure to wake before him and see his lips stretch into the brightest, most beautiful smile I have ever seen in my whole entire life. His happiness was, and had always been, everything to me.

On Luke's 11th birthday, he woke up smiling so bright. I asked him what had happened for him to be so happy; happier than usual. He looked up at the ceiling, shaking his head slightly as he attempted to contain his smile. "This time in ten years," He whispered, glancing down at the anchor tattoo on his wrist. "I will be spending my birthday with my soulmate."

I didn't know if that had been a soulmate instinct, if that was something everyone felt when they turned eleven, or if it was just something Luke wanted to reassure himself of. Finding his soulmate had always been important to him, so I simply smiled. I told him he most likely would. I asked him, however, if I would still be spending his 21st birthday by his side. He turned over to me in bed, pulling the bedsheets further up his skinny body. He closed his eyes, letting his lips twitch into a tiny smile. By that point in my life, I still didn't know if my soulmate tattoo would appear. I didn't know what I felt for Luke or if I even liked liked boys. But looking at him smile like that, I knew I wanted to be in Luke's life forever. Independent of anything.

"Of course you will, Mikey." Luke assured me, opening his eyes. As we looked into each other's eyes, that was the first time in my life that I felt the desire to kiss someone on the lips. I didn't, though. "We will spend every single one of our birthdays together until we die." 

It was now eleven years later. Luke had spent four birthdays away from me and he now had no more birthdays with his soulmate. I lay in my own bed, too scared to go into Luke's bedroom and not find him smiling the way he usually did on the 16th of July. I wondered if, when Luke said that eleven years ago, he knew that eleven years from then he'd never have another birthday with his soulmate. I wondered if he simply decided to ignore that warning that could possibly destroy his happiness, in the same way I ignored every single warning that I should not get involved with Luke. I wondered if that would come back to bite me in the ass like it did with Luke.

I could hear the birds chirping outside, unaware of the heavy atmosphere that lingered around our small California bungalow. I forced myself out of bed, trying to get prepared for whatever it was that waited for me behind my closed bedroom door. I glanced at the clock sitting on my nightstand, seeing I still had quite a while before having to head to Uni. That gave me the perfect excuse to make my best friend some breakfast, even if my cooking abilities were nothing compared to his. That was the only thing I could even think of doing to assure Luke would wake up with a smile, even if it were fake. I was desperate to see him smile.

I pushed myself to make him some eggs along with some Pop Tarts that I burnt unsuccessfully. Sighing heavily, I tried once more, this time with toast that was made to perfection. I was proud of myself for that, even though it had taken me every single fibre of my being to make them right. I envied Luke for making cooking look so easy. I fried up some bacon and put all of it on his plate, pouring some of his favourite apple juice into a glass. Gulping down as I went, I made my way towards Luke's bedroom, trying not to be too positive that Luke would wake up happy. I had to prepare myself for the worst, but as I pushed the door open with my foot and Luke's eyes opened slowly, I could see his face instantly light up.

"Happy Birthday!" I exclaimed, carefully placing his glass and plate on the bedside table. Without much warning, I jumped on top of him, hearing the blond squeak as he took my face between his soft hands. He looked up at me, nudging our noses together before pecking my lips. We hadn't gone farther than that, but every time Luke's lips came in contact with mine, it felt like a whole new experience all over again. The butterflies exploded in my stomach with no exception whatsoever.

"Thank you." He giggled, pushing me off him as he reached for his plate.

"I'll be back from Uni at around three today." I announced, biting the inside of my cheek as I slid beneath the covers. That had been the first night I had slept on my own bed, and the longing for Luke's bed and Luke's body next to mine had kept me awake all night. I knew I needed that segregation between us for my own good, but being away from him now was even more painful than five years ago. Luke nodded, humming in response. "I still have to go and pick up your birthday present, but we'll go to dinner at your parents before that, alright?"

"Do we really have to go?" Luke sighed, looking down at me with pleading eyes. I frowned.

"What's wrong?" I asked cautiously. "You love birthday dinners." My mind refused to acknowledge the fact that Luke was most likely missing Ale. The thought of me not being enough for him on his birthday would be enough to kill me right there. I needed to be enough.

"I know," He huffed, swallowing his bite off the bacon sandwich before shaking his head. "It just feels weird. This is my first birthday dinner in, what, five years? Feels like it's just being done because everyone thinks I'll be dead by my birthday next year."

"That's because you've been in Melbourne the past five years, Luke." I frowned, scooting closer to the blond and leaning into him. I felt Luke's head rest on top of mine. The warmth that spread through my body at the action made me smile. "And I'm pretty sure you'd be having a birthday dinner even if you weren't sick. Speaking of which, you have to take your meds."

"I know." He cleared his throat. "Mike?"

"Yes?"

"Do you think I'll die before I'm thirty?"

I paused, looking up to see Luke frowning down at his food. And just like that, every bit of happiness I was feeling came crashing down as I spotted the first tear slowly making it's way down Luke's cheek. I was quick to take Luke's plate from his lap, allowing the blond to pull his knees up as he cried harder. I desperately moved his arms away from his face, getting him to look up at me. This was the first time in so many years that I had seen Luke cry, and I was trying so hard to not cry along with him.

"I think you'll die when you're old." I assured him. "I think you'll live a full life, independent of this illness."

"My life can't be full without a soulmate." Luke whispered, looking away from me as he wiped his eyes. That struck me like a knife to the heart. I swallowed hard, looking down at my own hands.

"Of course it can." I whispered as I shrugged. "My life is full without a soulmate. My life is full with you."

My whole being was hoping for Luke to turn to me, to smile and tell me that he, too, could be full with me. It was yet another stab to the heart as Luke cried harder, pulling his wrists away from my grip as he covered his face. If I didn't know Luke any better, I'd think that what I had said had only made things worse, that Luke had caught onto my undeniable feelings for him. But Luke was clueless and he'd continue to be. To him, I knew what I had said had been interpreted as something a best friend would say, not a best-friend-who's-secretly-in-love-with-you. 

"You haven't met your soulmate, Mike." He shook his head. "You don't understand how empty life is without them."

I remained quiet, knowing that if I opened my mouth to speak, I'd say something wrong. Luke was right. I hadn't met my soulmate and I didn't understand how empty life could be without them. But I did understand how empty life could be without Luke, and this time around, I wasn't willing to try and comprehend it all over again. I wouldn't let him go. He was broken, and I was adamant to be the one to pick up his pieces, even if he didn't pick up my own in return.

~~~

i have so many stories planned for the near future! some of them are already posted and some are not, but now that i have finished stalker squad, paris is going to start being updated and farrrk i'm excited!!

thanks for 11k btw ☺️