Forever (GirlXGirl)

Chapter One

Her soft, pink hair flows through my fingers as silky, full lips lightly graze my neck, sending shivers down my spine. My hands roam her body, from her amazing, smooth and perky breasts, down her toned stomach and around to her round, perfect butt. I squeeze and she breathes heavily in my ear, sending shivers down my stomach and in between my legs. As if she knows exactly what I am feeling, Melody's hand makes its way down there as well, stopping along the way to trace small circles around my breasts and belly button. She traces the outline of my clitoris outside of my panties, driving me utterly insane before quickly sneaking her fingers inside of me.

"I love you Harper." She breathes in my ear, the words could send me straight to heaven as they make fireworks shoot up every part of my body. I moan and switch the position so that I'm hovering over her, she smiles up at me, that beautiful smile that makes me want to die. Our fingers explore each other, and my mind races. We roll around for what feels like hours, never actually getting to the deed itself but doing just about everything other than that. We learn each other's bodies and each other's curves, getting to know each other better than we know ourselves.

I hold her close, never wanting to let go. Her skin is so soft, beautiful and milky. I run my fingers along every inch of skin that they can find. Melody let's out a light moan in my ear, letting me know that everything I am doing is right. She kisses me, a desperate kiss, as if she needs it, as if she will die without it. My brain swirls in ecstasy.
I have her, I finally have her. Melody is on my arms, and she's all mine, and I am never letting go.'

                                                                             •••

I wake up suddenly, swearing and clutching onto my blanket as if it was going to save me from the room spinning me into oblivion.

A wet dream?
Seriously?
What am I a thirteen year old boy?
I swing my legs off of the side of my bed and put my head into my lap, attempting to regain at least a small shred of reality. I press the bottoms of my feet directly on the floor, and start to feel a little more grounded. 

Why is this happening to me? Out of the millions of people on this Earth that my mind could have decided to fixate on, it had to be a girl? And not just any girl, a girl who has a reputation, and not a good one. Just the thought of Melody makes me mind race, which then makes my stomach turn thinking about how the people in my life would react if they ever knew my dirty little secret.

I stumble into the bathroom, not even one hundred percent sure that I'm awake, and turn the water on full blast. I start grabbing quickly at the water and shoving it into my face like I'm in a skin care commercial. I turn of the faucet and look into the mirror, hoping for some kind of miraculous change.

Nope. Still gay.

Looking down at my floor I see that I am surrounded by a small pool of water. Well, that is definitely not an effective way to wash your face, they should show the after math of the face washing in skin care commercials, because this is certainly not conducive to a blemish free visage. I grab a towel and slowly clean up the water, hoping that the longer I take the more tired I will be by the time I make my way back into the room, because right now I'm so wired I could run around the block a few times. 

As I clean I think about how, out of all of the people in my family I had to be the only one who turned out gay. Well, at least on my moms side anyways, I would have to know who my father even was before I could speculate the sexual preferences of that side of the family. Either way it just seems so unfair. I have no one to turn to, no one I could even think about telling. Well if I'm being honest, Declan wouldn't be the worst  person on Earth to open up to. I'm just so nervous about anyone else finding out. Just thinking about saying the words out loud makes me feel like I'm going to puke. 

When I walk back to my room I see that it's two in the morning, great. I'm pretty sure that after that I'm not going to be able to get any sleep. I realize once I start to relax my body into my bed that my heart is still racing a million miles a minute. I lay my head on my pillow and force my eyes to close, but all I can see is Melody's smooth skin underneath my finger tips, the way that the peach fuzz on her arms stood up on end as my fingers left behind goosebumps makes it hard for me to catch my breath. I turn over and yank my blanket over my head, but the sound of my bed moving only pushes me further into the fantasies of my dreams, and it's like I can hear Melody's moans ringing in my head. Almost like a siren calling her sailor to sea.

It's like I'm being attacked by my own mind, every corner I try to turn down to think about something else just leads me right back to her. Have I mentioned that I've barely even talked to the girl before!? If this is a part of the whole teenage hormone thing than someone please just put me out of my misery because I can't handle it. I feel sweat slowly forming in my palms as I desperately try to think of anything else but the way the soft sheets felt underneath our bodies as we rolled around on them.

I laugh at anyone who says that being gay is a choice, because I would give anything not to feel like this anymore, to just be a normal teenage girl. As long as I'm having sex dreams about a girl in my class that goal is not going to be achieved. 

I've never been in love before, I mean I've never even been in anything close to a relationship before unless you count the time that Wesley Collins kissed me underneath the slide at Recess, and then kicked sand in my face. I don't. Anyways I don't know what love is, but I'm pretty sure this must be what it feels like, or at least some small portion of it. Or maybe I'm just going crazy and Melody is my first victim in my obsessive downward spiral into insanity. That's honestly the more likely option.

I let out a groan and throw myself back onto the bed. The closest we've even come to having contact with each other is me maybe, almost intentionally grazing her hair in class, love has to be too strong of a word. Yet, every time I close my eyes her face completely invades my mind. Either I have to learn how to control my psycho teen hormones and forget about that tight jean wearing jezebel, or I admit to myself that I'm a freak. Admit to my friends and family that I'm a freak. That's the thought that really sends shivers down my spine.

I pull out my phone and send Declan a text, hoping that maybe he will be awake, or maybe the text will wake him up. I decide that if he answers he will be the first one that I come out to, because I just can't keep all of this inside anymore, I'm going to give myself an aneurism. I'm so desperate for someone to talk to that I almost think about texting Jade but I shake that thought away the second it enters my head. I could only imagine the shit that she would give me if she ever find out, and then of course within a matter of an hour the rest of the school would be fully informed. High School is hard enough, I don't need any added stress, especially not my last year in that hell hole.

I wait around for a text, but nothing comes through, so I decide to attempt to counsel myself, which I must admit I'm not great at. As I try repeating the words "you are not a lesbian" over and over again in my head, as if it's some spell that if I say enough will come true, I feel my eyes finally grow heavy and I drift off to sleep.