Someone better |l.h|

38

Luke didn't answer my phone before I had called him five times. It was kind of suprising when he did answer it. "Hello?" he mumbled into the phone, voice filled with sleep. I rolled my eyes, getting pissed by just hearing his voice. "Hey, Luke." I said, trying to remain calm. "Oh, uh hey babe. What's up?" he asked, sounding kind of suprised to hear my voice, like he didn't expect it to be me that called. I snorted, he had the guts to just pretend like nothing had happened between us. 

"What's up?" I asked, laughing bitterly. I could imagine the look on Luke's face, Confused with eyebrows furrowed. "Uh, yeah? What's up?" he asked again. I rolled my eyes, feeling more angry at each second. "Well, what's up? Hmm let me see, you're ignoring my calls for weeks and then when you finally call me you're fucking drunk?" I snapped. I could hear him sigh on the other side. "Look. Babe, I've just been extremely busy these weeks. I'm sorry for not calling." he said. I sighed, biting my lip. I knew he would use that as an excuse, but I wasn't having it. Why would I talk with Ashton, Calum and even Michael three times a week if they were so busy? Why would they tell me that they didn't know why he wouldn't answer my calls? 

"Why are you lying Luke? Honestly, I'm sick of this. Is it something I have done? It's fucking hard not being able to talk to you and do you know how you've made me feel the last couple of weeks when you've ignored me? Fuck you Luke for telling me you're busy when I talk to and even skype with Ashton, Calum and Michael three times a week!".

After I had said that, it was so quiet that I was scared Luke had hung up on me. I bit my lip, trying to tell myself not to cry. It wasn't worth it. "I just want to know why you're ignoring me. Is it because you're tired of me?" I whispered. I could hear him breathing on the other side, sighing lowly. "I-it's not that. I would never get tired of you." Luke whispered back. I rolled my eyes, feeling tears fall down my cheek. I cursed under my breath for allowing myself to cry because of this. "Then why? Can't you just be honest?" I asked, my voice cracking. 

It took minutes before I heard him clear his throat. "It's just so fucking difficult okay? I hate not being able to see you every day and I just- hearing your voice just makes it worse when I can't be there with you!". I didn't know if I wanted to yell, cry or laugh at what he just said. "And so you thought it would be easier to just ignore me? Not talk to each other for months at all? Did you really think that would be the best solution? People change, Luke. I don't know if I would have really known you if we didn't talk for months." I stated. Luke just sighed. "I don't know what I thought okay? I just.. I don't like being away from you!" he yelled into the phone, voice cracking at the end too.

I furrowed my eyebrows, wiping under my eyes. "It's too fucking hard." he sobbed, making a sob escape my lips too. "Y-you didn't even try." I coughed out, hugging my knees closer to my chest. "I fucking tried! I listened to every one of your voicemails and was always about to call you, but I backed out of it every time. I just- I can't do this.". I closed my eyes, feeling my heart break at what he was telling me now. I didn't know what to say. Was he telling me he couldn't be in a relationship with me anymore? I let out another sob, hating myself for crying over this. I should have been pissed off like Harry told me to be. I should have been strong, showed him what he missed. Because even though he said he tried, he didn't really try. Did he think it was easy for me just to take up my phone and call him? It wasn't easy, it wasn't supposed to. He told me that, but he couldn't even bring himself to try it out before he backed out. "Fuck you, Luke." I sobbed, feeling more tears fall down my face. It felt like a knife was stabbing it's way trough my chest and I hated feeling like this. Feeling so vulnerable. 

"Just say it." I begged, knowing what he was about to say. I was scared to hear him say it. I didn't imagine it being this quick. He let out a shaky breath. "I-I'm sorry princess." he whispered. I shook my head, having trouble breathing because of my sobs. "Don't call me that.". He sighed and I pictured him sitting on his bed, staring down at his hand with a frown on his beautiful face while his other hand was running trough his hair in frustration. He was probably playing nervously with his lip ring. 

"I love you, so fucking much. You know that?" he asked. I laughed bitterly. "Then you shouldn't even think about breaking up with me you coward. You keep telling yourself that you tried, but you didn't. Just get it over with, Luke. Hurt me more than you already have.". "I- never meant to hurt you." he sobbed. I scoffed, biting the inside of my cheek so I didn't say anything else. I wanted to hang up the phone, call Harry and just eat ice cream and cry into his shoulder while he would tell me how much of a jerk Luke is. 

"This is also difficult." Luke mumbled. "Yet, you still chose to do this instead of calling me which was difficult too." I muttered. Luke sighed. "You make me sound like such a douche.". I laughed again. "But you are, a fucking coward of a douche.". "I'm sorry! I'm so fucking sorry Victoria!" he sobbed again. I closed my eyes yet again, not saying anything. I wanted this converstation to end, I was too exhausted to keep this on. "I think we should break up. I want you to be happy, I want to be happy and this long distance relationship makes me feel like I'm trapped, it's making me feel more sad than happy now and that's not right. I love you, but I think it would be best to end this now. Please take care princess." he whispered. I didn't know if he expected a response from me, but he didn't get one. All he got was the silence when I hung up.

It felt worse than I imagined to hear him say that. Was he serious? Did he feel more sad than happy with me? I was blaming myself already even though I knew it wasn't my fault. My hands were shaking when I dialed Harry's number and when he finally answered, all he heard was my sobbing and he told me he was already on his way.

When he finally came though, he had his arms full of movies, ice cream and skittles. He let all of it go when he saw me and hugged me tightly to his chest, telling me to calm down. I knew he hated seeing me like this and I hated feeling like this, but I couldn't do anything about it either. I wished that I could be in control over my own feelings, but that was just a silly thought.

Harry pulled me with him to the couch where he wrapped his arms around me again, trying to comfort me. It was nice that he didn't rush me into talking before I was ready. I just needed to calm down first. When I called Luke, I didn't ever imagine that he would end up breaking up with me, I thought he would have a good reason for ignoring me, but he didn't. He was just a coward. 

When I was breathing normally and had stopped crying a bit (at least), Harry asked me softly what was wrong. I wiped under my eyes, shaking my head in frustration. I didn't know if I was more sad or angry at the beautiful blonde boy with those fucking blue eyes that were so easy to get lost in. 

"L-Luke broke up with me." I sobbed out, hating that when I finally relaxed, I had to start crying again. Harry tensed up and I knew he was angry. "Why?" he asked, clenching his jaw. "He told me it was too hard to be in a long distance relationship.". Harry scoffed, shaking his head. "He didn't even try, he just ignored you the whole time!". I nodded, telling him that, that was just what I said. 

"Fuck him. He's such a jerk! I can't belive it. You know what? He's not worth your tears, Vic. He's just a stupid boy who doesn't know what he's missing. I hope he fucking regrets what he did. That son of a bitch. I'm so angry oh my god, if he was here I would kick his ass!". I rolled my eyes at Harry's temper, squeezing his hand. "As you said, Harry. He's not worth it." I whispered, my voice cracking. Harry gave me a sad smile, cupping my face. "Promise me you won't blame yourself okay? It's just his fault, who the fuck does he think he is? Tells you he has tried when he doesn't even make an effort to call you? Screw him, you'll find someone better.". I just nodded, hoping he was right. 

"I don't want to talk about him anymore. I want ice cream, I want to watch batman and I want to cuddle with my best friend." I whispered. Harry chuckled, nodding as he found the ice cream and turned on the television. "I think we can make that work.". I smiled a small smile, feeling at least a bit better. I was so thankful to have Harry here.