Finding Me, A Jian Story | COMPLETE

The Pieces Put Together

When I woke up, Kian wasn't beside me.

I guess that night's over.

I got up and stretched, noticing my hand had bandages all over it. Did Kian wrap it? How did I not wake up?

I shuffled to the kitchen, hoping Kian hasn't left for some reason. I honestly forget why I was mad at him.

I sighed with relief when I saw him on the couch watching morning cartoons. He's a kid at heart, a breath of fresh air in the real world. That's just another reason why I love him so much.

"You what?"

I shot my head up and stared at him. I what? What's he talking about?

"What?"

"Nothin'" he mumbled, playing with his fingers. Okay, weird. I sat down beside him and wrapped him in a hug.

He never let go.

•••

Jc walked out of his room like a zombie. He was mumbling something to himself. I heard "a breath of fresh air", so I assumed he was going to go outside, but then he looked at me and whispered "That's why I love em' so much." Did he mean me? No, he's straight. "'Em" probably meant a group of people, maybe the fans? I don't know. But it's definitely not me.

"You what?" I questioned aloud. Maybe it was me. Maybe he does like me.

"What?" He asked, clearly confused. I instantly dismissed the thought. He wasn't even talking to me, he was talking to himself. Why would he whisper to himself about loving me? Obviously he was talking about something else.

"Nothin'" I muttered. Half of me wanted to cuddle him and half of me wanted to run away and never come back.

He sat down beside me and wrapped an arm around me. My heart exploded and I gave him a bear hug.

I never want to let go. I thought.

So I didn't.

I breathed in his scent. He even smelled like adventure. Like a journey waiting to happen, like pine, the beach, and home combined. My eyes stung as I tried to hold in the tears. He's so much... More than me. He wants to explore the world, find new things, he hates settling in one place. And here's me, not wanting to stay away from home for more than a month.

He needs someone who can keep up with him, who loves what he loves, and he needs someone that's a girl, because he would never like a boy. He's never going to like me. I'm the opposite of what he wants, or what he needs.

I'm just me.

And me sucks.

Jc randomly pulled away from me and stared at me. I looked anywhere but at him. I don't want to cry.

• Okay, I just typed in "cey" on accident when I was spelling "cry", and if autocorrected it to "Cruze". Wtf. •

"Are you okay?" He asked softly.

Of course I'm not you fucker, I wouldn't cry unless I was.

"Okay then." He chuckled.

Whoops, must've said that out loud.

"Yeah, you did."

"Fuck."

"Seriously, though, are you okay?" He cupped my face gently. I feel like I'm in a dream.