Life After Mockingjay

Chapter Twenty Six; All That Matters

Peeta's POV

"It's not real." I whisper over and over again, trying to bring myself into the reality that Katniss is safe, and she will be in my arms soon.

I look over at the clock. It reads "5:47 a.m." These past nights have been nothing but torture. Though I'd never blame Katniss, I've been on the verge of having a flashback. Not having her with me at night has affected me terribly. She always used to be here to help me through, but now her side of the bed has nothing but her sweet scent.

I shake my head and run my hands through my hair. I drag myself out of bed, knowing I won't find any more sleep, even though I need it. I creep over to Willow's room to check on her. Knowing she is safe has always made me feel better.

I peer through the door and watch her closely. She rolls around quite a bit; just like Katniss. It's fascinating-children that is. She never fails to amaze me. I still can't believe I'll have another little one running around soon.

As I turn to leave, Willow wakes up and calls for me.

"Daddy?" She whispers, her voice sounding distraught.

"What's wrong, Little Bird?" I ask as I tip toe over to her bed. I've found myself catching on to Katniss' nickname.

"I can't sleep." She starts. "I miss mommy." She reaches her arms out, and I pick her up. She rests her head on my shoulder and let's out a small cry.

Although Willow is only almost three, she's so wise. She knows that Katniss is not well. I wish I could take her pain away. She was so close to Katniss, and I feel like I can't make her happy. Only Katniss can.

"I miss her too, Willow. I miss her too." I whisper over and over again, trying to stay strong myself. Not having Katniss around is hell, but nothing hurts more than to see my daughter upset. She slowly begins to calm down, hiccuping every once in a while.

I carry her down stairs to the kitchen, where I set her down at the kitchen table and place her teddy bear in her arms. "How about I make us some hot cocoa?" I ask her with a smile, trying to lighten the mood.

"Okay, Daddy." She says to me as she shivers slightly. I wrap a blanket around her and kiss the top of her head.

I hand her some of the hot cocoa in her sippy cup; which has been cooled down by a few ice cubes. The last thing I need is Willow hurting herself on my watch.

"I can take you when I go to see Mama today." I say to Willow with a smile.

"I can come?" She squeals, quickly transforming into her bubbly self again.

I'd only taken Willow to see Katniss a few times, partly because every time we have to leave, she throws a fit and is upset the rest of the night. But Katniss only has another day or two in the hospital, so I want Willow to see her.

"Of course." I say as I kiss her cheek.

+++

I carry Willow down the small corridor to Katniss' room. Dr. Aurelius had informed me that she was able to come home today, and seeing the look on Willow's face made the news even more uplifting. She only had a day left, but I couldn't wait one more night.

I open the door to her room, excited to tell her the news, to find her not there.

"Stay here, Willow." I whisper as I sit her down on the bed. She does as I say, and I go to the small bathroom that is next door to her room.

I open the door slowly, and find Katniss throwing up. I approach her, and she jumps slightly, but she knows that it is me as soon as I begin to make circular motions on her back. "Hey.." I whisper as I hold her hair back the best of my ability.

After heaving up whatever she had eaten the day before, she turns to me, tears forming at the corner of her eyes.

"Are you sick?" I ask her softly, knowing for sure that she isn't. Her stomach is beginning to show more clearly. For almost four months, she is definitely smaller than she was with Willow, but if you know her, you can tell she is pregnant. I've felt terrible keeping the pregnancy from Katniss, but I need to find a way to tell her at the right time. I had Doctor Aurelius promise not to tell her.

She shakes her head.

"Well I have some good news." I say, offering her a smile.

"I have news too." She says with a gulp as she washes herself up. She looks so much better than before; almost the same old Katniss. The glow in her eyes has returned, and her smile is slowly, but certainly finding its way back onto her gorgeous face. There is just one emotion that I know she feels. I can tell just by her facial expression; fear.

"What is it?" I ask as I lead her back to her room, my hand on her back.

She stops for a moment, taking in a deep breathe and closing her eyes, before crashing apart right in front of me. "I can't stay strong right now, Peeta." She quivers.

"Hey.." I coo as I pull her into my embrace. "What's wrong?" I stroke her tangled hair, trying my best to calm her down.

"I don't know what to do!" She cries, tightening her grip around me.

"You can tell me." I say, holding her frail body tightly. "It will be okay."

"I-" She starts, chortling out her nervousness." "I'm late." She chokes out, making her look up at me and shake her head.

"I'm pregnant, Peeta." She whispers. "I had a feeling this whole time- the sickness, weight gain in my stomach area, even though I can't keep down a piece of bread.. " She stops to take a small breath. "And now I'm late... I- I'm pregnant."

I say nothing. I look into her deep grey eyes and nod my head slowly. Katniss knows that she's pregnant. Finally. I can't help but feel a constant guilt that I knew and didn't tell her.

"I knew." I finally manage to breathe. "The doctors knew and they told me when you were first here. I wanted to wait for a good time to tell you. I'm sorry it's just.. I knew you'd be scared and-"

I try to finish, but I am cut off by Katniss reaching for my hand and giving it a squeeze.

"Peeta, don't feel bad." She whispers, nodding her head in reassurance and wiping her tears away. "I'm scared... No.. Actually, I'm terrified, but I'm happy. I'm better now, and I'm ready to have another child with you. At least I'm not upset, or mad. I guess.. we were just meant to have another child."

It feels as if all the weight in the world is lifted off of my shoulders. I embrace her in a hug, and it feels like I may never let go. It's not until Willow somehow finds her way out of the room and squeals in delight at the sight of Katniss and I that we let go of each other.

+++

"Are you sure you're comfortable?" I ask Katniss worriedly as I fluff her pillows up, covering her with blankets.

"I'm fine, Peeta!" She says jokingly. "You don't need to do all of this, I'm just happy to be home."

I look down at Willow, who is sound asleep across from Katniss on the couch. We hadn't been home ten minutes, and she passed out.

"Okay, okay." I say with a warm smile as I wrap my arms around her. "I just want to make you feel as good as possible."

"Just being home with you and Willow makes me the most happy woman alive." She says as she entwines our fingers.

"I love you." I whisper as I kiss her softly.

"I love you too.. So much. And Willow, and the baby."