Life After Mockingjay

Chapter Twenty Seven; This Conversation Isn't Over

"When I found him.." I whisper, my voice breaking with every word. "I- I didn't know what to do. He was just hanging there.. Dead. It was just an all too familiar sight. All I could think of was all of the days we had stayed in that very spot; hunting, messing around, laughing.. He didn't deserve to die. No one does, but he really didn't."

Johanna reaches out and squeezes my hand, trying to keep herself from breaking down. It's not many times that I have seen Johanna cry. Maybe once or twice, but she's strong. Definitely stronger than me.

"I can't help but think that it is my fault. If I didn't snap at him.... But his bombs killed Prim. The killings go on, and on." I say softly, my voice fading out into nothing.

Johanna lifts her head after staring down at at her lap for what seems like hours. "I'm sorry I never came to see you." She says, beginning to cry and putting her head on my shoulder. "I've been so busy with the kids and I had to help with the funeral service I-"

"It's okay." I cut her off, my voice shaken. "Don't feel bad."

The truth is, I wouldn't have wanted to see Johanna anyway. I didn't want to see anyone but Peeta. I wouldn't even let Haymitch or Effie see me.

I hate when people see me weak and vulnerable. I feel as if they're frowning upon me, and they're watching me make a fool of myself.

Maybe, it's because after returning to 12, I didn't have any intentions of getting better. Haymitch saw me empty and shallow too much already. This time was different. I wanted to get better physically and mentally. I needed to. For my daughter and Peeta.

The weeks I spent in the hospital were terrible. The only thing that could make me feel the slightest bit better was knowing Peeta was by my side.

I'd wake from nightmares every night, screaming for Gale to stop, Prim to run, or somehow trying to pry hijacked Peeta's hands off of my neck.

And though it's taken me so long, I'm finally thankful for Dr. Aurelius. After all the times he helped me, I actually realize how much he's done. Without him, I don't know if I'd be alive. The amount of pain building up inside of me was unbearable.

I've been home for a few weeks, and needless to say, I'm normal for the most part. I don't want to hurt myself, my nightmares aren't as frequent, and I'm finally trying to enjoy life again.

Of course, Dr. Aurelius recommended we talk on the phone once a week, in which Peeta insisted I agree.

Somehow, I've managed to make real of my pregnancy. I'm four months pregnant with another Mellark, and I am the happiest I can be. I had no intentions of getting pregnant again, but I'm not angry. Nor was I when I found out I was pregnant with Willow. I guess I just have my own way of coping with things.

Johanna recollects herself, and sits up. "I'm sorry." She breathes. "I just needed a break down moment."

"No- don't be sorry. It's okay." I say with a nod.

Johanna and I sit in silence, something I've hated for as long as I can remember. Nonetheless, my feelings have been bottled up inside of me for the longest time. Perhaps it's time to open up more.

"I'm scared." I sigh, breaking the silence. "About the baby."

"Don't be." Johanna says as she perks up. "You're doing fantastic with Willow."

I look over at Willow and Rowan; playing together with stuffed animals as Kai and Jax run around them.

I shake my head and let out a short sigh. "You of all people should know I'm great at second guessing myself."

+++

I see Peeta walk in the lounge, his hair ruffled and apron covered in flower as I sit and play a game I invented for the amusement of my three year old daughter.

"Lunch is about ready, you two." Peeta murmurs with a sly grin on his face. Willow throws her arms up in the air and runs full force to the kitchen, wanting to be the first person at the table.

"But first." Peeta says as he lifts Willow up and brings her back over to the settee and taking a seat by both of us. He shoots me a look and raises his eyebrows. When he does this, I get the connection.

"We have something to tell you, little bird." I finish Peeta's sentence as I bite my lip. Peeta pulls Willow onto his lap and wraps his arm around her little body.

"What is it, Mommy?" Willow exclaims, eager to hear what I have to say. I only hope she acts positively towards the news. That's all Peeta and I ask from her.

"Well.." I say, trying to think of a good way to tell her. "Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy."

"What?" Willow asks confusedly. "Did you eat a baby?"

I look over to Peeta, who is holding in his laughter. I let out a soft chuckle before continuing. "No, Sweetie. I didn't eat the baby. Your younger sister, or brother, is growing right now, Willow. You're going to be a big sister."

Willow's eyes widen, realization finally overcoming her. "Big sister?!" She chirps.

"Yes, Willow. A big sister! But you will have to wait five more months before your younger brother or sister comes out of my tummy." I answer and she turns to face Peeta.

"Daddy, how will it come out of mommy's tummy?" Willow asks Peeta and his eyes widen.

"Yeah, Daddy, how will it come out of my tummy?" I quip, a smart grin on my face. Thank goodness she didn't ask how the baby got in my tummy.

"When the baby is ready, we will take mommy to the hospital. The doctors will help, and poof! The baby will be born." He says and turns to me and mouths the words 'was that good?'

Willow answers for me when she gives him a nod of intent. "Will I go to Uncle Haymitch's house?"

"Yes, sweetie, you will." I say with a small giggle.

"I think lunch is ready, now." Peeta says and Willow squeals in excitement and runs to the table as fast as she can. As she disappears, Peeta helps me up from the settee.

As we begin to walk into the kitchen, Willow comes rushing back out. "Mommy, how'd the baby get into your tummy?" She asks. I flush beet red, and Peeta kneels down to her.

"Now, Willow." He starts. "That's a story for another time. Let's go have lunch." When Willow walks back into the kitchen, I stand up from the couch again.

Peeta pulls me into an embrace, and we share a kiss full of blushes and laughter. "Oh, what did we do, Katniss?"

"Don't you dare say I'm pure, Peeta." I tell him laughing. "Because you and I know that isn't the case anymore." I lean my head onto his shoulder, appreciating the happiness that I feel.

"Mama! Daddy! I'm hungry!" Willow complains from the kitchen.

"Coming, princess." Peeta replies back.

"This conversation isn't over, Katniss Mellark." Peeta murmurs. "It continues tonight." He whispers with a smirk before we join our hungry daughter for lunch.