Life After Mockingjay

Chapter Forty One; Tell Her

Five Year Time Jump

I lay nestled in between Peeta and our five year old son. Rye holds me close, and Peeta's arms are wrapped around me protectively. Last night, I had my first nightmare in months. It was horrid, but nothing I haven't experienced before. Prim again. But this time, Prim, Rye, and Willow died right in front of my eyes.

Rye is still confused as ever. Any time that I have a nightmare, though, he comes to Peeta and I's room to make sure I am okay. He always ends up crawling in bed with us, but I don't mind. As long as one of my children is close to me, I know that they are both safe.

Willow distances herself when I have nightmares. She's apologized multiple times, explaining that she hates seeing me that way and she is too scared to comfort me. I don't blame her. She reminds me of myself when I was so young, so gentle.

Willow knows of the games. She learned of them in school, and she knows Peeta and I played a role in them. Though, she doesn't know every small detail. Children aren't taught of their gruesome events until later years, and I am perfectly okay with that. Peeta and I will tell her of everything when the time is right.

The day she came home from school looking at me differently was the day I knew that she found out. Peeta and I sent Rye to Haymitch's house, and we sat her down for what felt like hours. We all shared tears, but she took it harder than I had thought she would. I will never be able to un hear her terrified voice, asking over and over again why I would kill someone. She was only six at the time. I felt as if I had already taken her youth from her.

"Mom?" I hear a faint voice whisper from the doorway. I look over to see Willow, her long brown hair in a perfect braid down her back as her piercing blue eyes stare at me. I sit up, motioning for her to come forward.

"Good morning, little bird." I whisper, pulling her into a hug. She rests her head in the crook of my neck, sighing deeply.

"Are you okay now?" She asks, her voice shaken. "I- I heard you but I just... I was too scared I-"

"I'm fine, Willow," I insist, wiping the tears falling from her eyes. "You know that I get nightmares, sweetie. I don't want to scare you."

She lets out a short sob, squeezing me tighter. "I just want you to be okay."

"I'm okay, honey." I whisper, rubbing her back reassuringly. "I promise."

She nods, pulling away from our embrace and rubbing her eyes. "I'm sorry, Mom."

"You have nothing to be sorry for."

"Willow?" Peeta asks, sitting up. "What's wrong, birdie?"

"She's okay," I say, offering him a smile. "I just scared her last night." Willow crawls into bed next to me, giving Peeta a hug. I bump Rye with my hand softly, shaking him. "Get up, Rye. It's time for school."

Rye groans, sitting up and stretching his arms. I ruffle his hair with my hand and give him a soft kiss on the cheek.

+++

"I have to go to the bakery today, Katniss. Are you going to be okay alone here today?"

"I'll be fine," I say, taking a sip of my tea. "I have to run to the hob to pick up a few winter blankets. Rye keeps complaining that his room is too cold now that the nights are getting colder.

"Winter finally." Peeta says with a smile. "Willow will be thrilled."

"Maybe we should've named her 'Snow' instead of 'Willow'" I say, attempting to make a joke. "The girl loves building snowmen."

To my surprise, Peeta chuckles, taking a bite of his muffin. "Very funny, Katniss." He says, biting his lip.

"I actually wanted to talk to you about Willow today.." I say, concern in my voice. Peeta acknowledges it right away and sits down, nodding.

"Is everything okay?" He asks, grasping my hand and kissing it softly. "Is she okay?"

"She's fine, Peeta, it's just... I think it's time to tell her."

"About the games?"

"No-" I start. "Well, yes, about the games, but everything. Not just that we played a role in them. She needs to know all of the details."

"Are you sure it's not too early?" Peeta asks, shaking his head. "She's only eight, can't we hold off for a few years?"

"She's almost nine, Peeta." I whisper. "She's so confused, and she's asking questions about my nightmares. I don't want to keep lying to her- I can't."

"Do you remember the last time we talked about the games with her? She looked at us like we were murderers."

"We are, Peeta!" I say, completely flustered. "I- I didn't mean it like that, I just meant that... We did kill people, Peeta, and she needs to understand why... Do you remember what you told me the first time Willow realized I had nightmares?"

Peeta pulls me into a hug, kissing my forehead softly. "We'll make them understand in ways that will make them stronger."

"That's right." I whisper, kissing his jawline and grasping his hand. "She's going to find out sooner or later- about the rebellion, the hijacking, why I act the way I do. She should hear it from us, not from the school teacher or kids on the playground."

"I agree, I'm just... I'm just scared of what she'll think of me."

"I am too, but we will get through this together."

"That's what you and I do." He whispers back, giving me a crooked smile. "But..." He starts, his voice turning more serious again. "What if she doesn't understand the hijacking... What if she thinks I'll hurt her? I don't know what I'll do."

"This is Willow were talking about, Peeta. She adores you." He nods. I hope I've made him feel better about the whole idea. "I love you." I whisper, resting my head on his chest, letting myself listen to his heartbeat.