Life After Mockingjay

Chapter Thirty Nine; Even

I walk down the small corridor that leads to the therapy room that Dr. Aurelius and I will be in. I watch all of the people around me. Some are dressed normally, but others have obviously never gotten over the ridiculous Capitol wear. It's strange, really, seeing the Capitol again. I get many states. Some people try to hide it, but most look down at Rye in awe, their faces lighting up when they see me.

I walk into a small room, uncomfortably as a nurse stares at me awkwardly. I offer her a smile, but she doesn't return it.

"Dr. Aurelius will be here in fifteen minutes." She says, slamming the door behind her.

I jump as the door slams, and sure enough, Rye starts to scream at the top of his lungs, squirming in my arms and never seeming to stop.

I bob him up and down, shushing him as I kiss his little forehead. He calms down slightly, pulling at my long hair dangling in front of his face.

"Do you like that hair?" I whisper, poking his nose slightly and grinning... "I wonder what daddy and your sister, Willow are doing." I whisper, stroking his tufts of blonde hair. "I bet Willow is having a great time, but I'm not so sure about daddy."

He stares up at me. I know he has no idea what I'm talking about, but it's nice to have someone to vent to when Peeta isn't around. I know that someday, he'll be understanding and kind just like his father. I know that some day, I'll have real conversations with him.

"Katniss, hello!" Dr. Aurelius says, coming into the mall room and placing a clipboard and pen onto a desk in front of my hospital bed. "How have you been?"

"I'm okay." I say subtly, dreading the fact that I will have to tell him my problems and feelings. I stare down at Rye. He has not a care in the world. His big gray eyes gaze at me, and I smile at him.

Dr. Aurelius scribbles something down on his clipboard, and he turns to me. His eyes don't leave me. I swear, they're cutting through my skin, seeping into my god damn soul. "Is everything okay?" I ask, my voice shaken. I look down at the ground to avoid the tension.

"Katniss, do you want to do this?" He asks after what feels like years of torture.

"I wouldn't be here if it wasn't important to me."

"Yes, well... It seems like you're still being that stubborn 18 year old I met with in the Capitol."

"I'll always be stubborn." I feel myself grin. "I'm doing this for Willow and Rye, not so much myself."

"I see." He says, nodding. "Well, Im first going to prescribe you some anti depressants, along with pills to control the brain activity during your sleep. This will keep the nightmares from occurring repeatedly. I want to talk with you a lot this week... Get to know you more than I ever really have. I want to look inside of Katniss Everdeen and feel some sort of understanding."

"What do you mean, understanding?"

Dr. Aurelius chuckles, filing through papers on his desk. "I want to understand you in a way that maybe you don't even know."

I nod, biting my lip. I know these next few weeks aren't going to be fun, but if I try my hardest, I know I can get through this.

+++

I reach over to find the side of the bed Peeta once laid empty. I sit up, checking on Rye in the bassinet beside me. He is fast asleep, sucking on his pacifier. I smile, untangling myself from the covers and walking out of our room.

There is only one place that Peeta would be around here. The rooftop.

A few years ago, the old tribute center was converted into a large hotel. During my week long visit to Dr. Aurelius, we were given a hotel room here of all places.

I walk up the steps cautiously, careful not to be loud or wake anyone up. Sure enough, I find Peeta sitting in the same place we once had our first real conversation.

I sigh, approaching him slowly and wrapping my arms around him. He takes my hand and kisses it softly.

"I remember the first time we came up here." I whisper, sitting across from him and grasping his hand. "It feels like just yesterday."

"Now look at us." He says, a crooked grin forming on his face. "Our two children are just downstairs."

"It's crazy how life works." I murmur, kissing his hand softly. "I wouldn't want it any other way."

He stares off into the distance. The Capitol late at night has always been crazy, but now that there are no games, a lot less people are out. There are many teenagers and young adults out partying, living their life as any Capitol citizen would. That's something I guess has never changed.

"I love you, Peeta." I whisper, breaking the silence. "I feel as if I say it too much... like it doesn't have as much meaning."

"It's always had meaning". He says, leaning over to me and kissing my temple.

"Good." I sigh, nodding. "I don't say it out of habit, but I say it because I love you more than anyone in this world. You are my rock, my best friend. I don't know what I'd do without you, Peeta."

"I love you, Katniss." He murmurs. "And I'm definitely not saying that out of habit."

I smile, nodding to him. For about an hour we sit in silence, staring off into the streets of the Capitol. It's then, though, something comes to mind.

"You know, I'll never stop owing you."

"Why is that?" He asks, looking confused.

I sigh, chuckling to myself. "When you gave me the bread all of those years ago, I wanted to make it up to you. I felt like I owed you. And then, in the games, you saved me, Peeta. I owed you for that too. And now, years later, you've given me two beautiful children and made me the happiest woman alive. I'll never stop owing you for that."

"You've made me happy. You gave me love. That's all I've ever needed. I think you've made it up to me long before you could realize."

I smile, kissing his jawline gently, running my hand through his hair.

"I love you, Peeta Mellark."