e n d t a p e s

S E V E N T E E N

"We walk as tall as the skyline, and we have roots like the trees but then your eyes start to wander, cause they weren't looking at me, you weren't looking for me,"

- Haunting; Halsey.

°°°

I shouted and kicked the dustbins outside of the bar. Nate came out and looked at me.

“Lucas,” he called.

“Fuck!” I shouted and kicked the dustbin once again. I didn’t realise that all of the people in the bar were looking at me. Nate watched me warily and I walked to my car and drove home. I slammed the door behind me and my anger is ringing. I walked inside the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror.

Forget it, Luke. Forget me!

“Ahhh!” I yelled and punched the mirror. The glass scattered and shattered on the sink and ground. I stumbled on the floor with bleeding knuckles. Luckily that I was in the bathroom so nobody can hear me screaming. I opened up the shower and the water filled my body. My knuckles still bleeding, but my heart ached more than anything. Elle’s eyes when she’s mad—I could see that she’s not just mad but she’s sad too. I know that eyes. I know her.

•••

E L L E

The next day I woke up and dragged myself in the bathroom. My eyes looked horrible from last night. I washed my face and brushed my teeth. I took a quick shower and changed into sweatshirt and knee-length jeans. I throw my back pack over my shoulder and drove to school. The first three classes I didn’t see Luke, good sign for me. Most of the students looked at me and whispered to each other. I guess that they knew about the last night thing so I just ignored them. In cafeteria, I walked to our usual table and settled down beside Nate.

“Are you okay?” Chloe asked and I hummed.

“You look thin, Ellie,” Dana noticed.

“Why the hell he’s still sitting with Ryan?” Chloe asked. I know that she’s talking about Luke.

“I don’t have appetite to eat, I’ll just go to library,” I said and walked out from the cafeteria.  I walked to the school park and settled down on the bench. I cried again.

“Hey, miss? Are you okay?” someone asked. I looked up and saw Taylor.

“Oh, Ellie? I never thought that I’ll see you here,” he said.

“Oh—I just—” I said, wiped my tears.

“No, it’s okay, I know,” he said, sitting down beside me.

“Feels good to be back to school?” he asked.

“It feels worse,” I said, laughed.

“I can see that,” he said.

“I left your notebook at home. I guess I can make it to your house and return it to you back,” I said.

“No! I’ll come to your house. My house is seriously far from school and your house,” he said, smiled.

“So kind of you,” I said.

“Kind is my middle name. I got to go, see you in class,” he said.

“Okay,” I said and he walked away. I sighed and hugged my knees to my chest.

“Hey,” another voiced called out. I looked up and saw Arthur.

“What are you doing here?” I asked.

“I saw you walked out from the cafeteria,” he said.

“And you followed me down here,” I finished his sentence.

“Not exactly, I stopped by Mrs. Carlos’ room for my paper,” he said. I didn’t respond.

“Are you crying?” he asked.

Isn’t it obvious? I wanted to roll my eyes but I just denied him.

“What? No—”

“It’s okay to cry you know,” he said. Then, I cried again.

•••

L U K E

I saw Elle walked inside the cafeteria. I know that she doesn’t want to see me so I slide into the chair beside Ryan. Ryan watched me warily. Then, Elle stood up and walked out from the cafeteria. I sighed and throw my head back.

“Dude, this is wrong,” Ryan said.

“What?” I snapped.

“Why did you sit here?”

“So, I can’t?”

“Not like that, just I don’t know what’s your problem with Ellie but dude, you did it wrong.”

“Whatever, Ryan.” It’s time for Gym class and I walked to the gym for change my clothes. The class went well and I changed back to my clothes before heading to the next class. Nate walked in the locker room and stood in front of me.

“Today’s was quite slow and you looked fuck up,” he said.

“I know how I look, Nate,” I snapped.

“I’m just saying, you don’t have to grow horns on me,” he said. I wear back my shoes and tied the shoelaces.

“God, Lucas! What’s wrong with you and Ellie?” he asked.

“I fucked up, Nate,” I said, sighed.

“What? You banged her?” he asked, surprised. I glared at him and his face immediately hardened.

“Oh, no? Sorry,” he said.

“I hooked up with Serena,” I said.

“Oh, Sere—you what? Serena Williams?” he asked, shocked and I nodded.

“Since when?” he asked.

“Two weeks ago,” I said.

“Two weeks—fucking what? That’s the day after spring dance—”

“I know!” I snapped. All of the students walked out from the locker room hurriedly. After all cleared, Nate glared at me.

“YOU ASKED HER FOR A DANCE! YOU GROWLED AT ME WHEN I SAID I’LL BANG HER IF SHE’S NOT OUR ELLIE AND NOW YOU BETRAYED HER? You bastard!” he said, pinned me up on the wall.

“Me? Betraying her?”

“Yes! She loves you for fucking’s sake, Lucas. God, please grown up! You hurt her!” Nate snapped.

“I don’t hurt her!”

“Then why she’s crying before she left and coming to school with thin figure? You cheated on her!”

“How can I cheated on her even I’m not even hook up with her?” I said.

“You cheated on her as friend!”

“What’s wrong with you Nate?” I asked.

“No! What’s wrong with you? Look, once again you hurt her, I won’t hesitate to break your neck and grill your balls! I mean it Lucas,” he said and unpinned me from the wall.

My bandaged knuckles hurt and I hold it in pain. Fuck it! I kicked the locker beside me and panting in anger.