If He Ever Cries (manxman / boyxboy)

Chapter 3

-Chapter 3-

Is he worth all this, is it a simple yes?

Cause if you have to think, it’s fucked

Feels like you loved him more, than he loved you

And you wish you’d never met

—This Isn't Everything You Are, Snow Patrol

Traffic lights turned red as he approached them. Cars cruised about, way below the max speed limit. He checked the time. Six forty-three—about twenty minutes since he talked to Kaiden.

The city's night traffic conspired to keep him from reaching his destination. The car zigzagged it's way through the two-lane road known as Ashford Avenue—where buildings, cars, and pigeons were too many, and trees and parking space too scarce. He dodged other drivers that apparently had all the time in the world to get to their own destinations.

His heart beat skipped with every car that flashed more intense brake lights at him. He could feel it pulsating inside his ears and around his eyes, so much that his vision dotted with black spots. Two hands tightened and rolled around the steering wheel to the point of white knuckles. "Why is the damn jerk slowing down? There's no need to slow down."

Just concentrate...and breathe.

As time ticked away, he left less and less space between his car and the car in front of him, making the inertia jerk him forward whenever he stepped on the brakes when the other car's rear end came dangerously close. But that didn't do anything to quicken the pace. Once in front of Ivy Tower, he parked the car in the first spot he found and prayed to the gods to guard it for him.

It was good that the building's security guard was acquainted to him from all the times he had been there before. He only had to act cool, tap on the counter, wait for the guy to lift his gaze from his iPhone, and then run like he meant it once the man was out of sight.

The stairs flew behind him, two at a time. The usual route was through the elevator, but who would risk a second waiting for it to arrive if it didn't open the moment he pressed the button? Five floors later he had no idea how he got there without fainting halfway.

Sneakers squeaked in the hallway that lead to Kaiden's place. His heart beat sounded in his head. And he felt like he was in one of those dreams, that no matter how fast he thought he was running, he wasn't advancing much.

The door that rattled under his hands served as his brakes.

Eric found the spare key in his pocket. But it wouldn't align with the keyhole.

* * *

A chill ran down his spine. His eyes were closed tight, but tears managed to come through. The glass still hung in front of his mouth, shaking in Kaiden's grip. His jaw trembled in his effort to keep control of his body. But the mouth was sealed shut. Bitterness spread out on his tongue with the pills sitting there, as the seconds became minutes and he hadn't swallowed yet.

Fear crept up his feet, making his breathing create small ripples on the water in the glass. The room kept spinning around him and he grabbed the edge of the counter for support. Sweat dampened his forehead as he fought both the desire to move forward and the impulse to retreat—to end it all, say good bye to this world, or hold on to the strands of his miserable life.

He squeezed his eyes and pressed the glass harder against his lips, as if that action would will the water to get in his mouth and the pills to go down his throat by themselves.