If He Ever Cries (manxman / boyxboy)

Chapter 16

-Chapter 16-

I'm so tired of being here

Suppressed by all my childish fears

And if you have to leave

I wish that you would just leave

'Cause your presence still lingers here

And it won't leave me alone

—My Immortal, Evanescence

Lost in a place with no way to think, nothing to see, no way to hide. The sharpness of his senses heightened, and the scent of the loved one intoxicating. The feel. The closeness. Arms that came around his back, and held his head captive against the beatings of a heart he had never heard before. A thumb stroked his hair. And he was trapped.

It wasn't him in those arms, but barren land. The one who was empty inside and didn't care to dare. To give it all away. Because it didn't matter. To live or cease to exist. There was no point in trying. No point in denying.

His back touched the wall and he didn't fight it. Fingertips brushed his hair away, tucked it behind his ear. They traced a line beside the stitches that marred his face. And he closed his eyes, letting his face sink deeper in the warmth of the hand that caressed and cupped his cheek, just like he remembered.

The tear stains swept under the tender kisses that showered his face, and he clawed harder on the shirt that was tight in his fists. The trail of kisses went wetter and wetter down his jaw, his chin, around his face, and up to his ear. Hands that knew where to touch snaked behind Kaiden's neck and slowly down his back to grab firm on his ass. Hot bursts of air tickled his ear as the wall pressed harder behind him and the unceremonious passion made itself known to his thigh.

“I've missed you,” huffed into his ear. Daniel's hot lips grabbed his earlobe and let it slip off to catch it with the tip of his tongue. Nips and teases sent his heart rate to the sky. He knew what he was doing. And Kaiden didn't fight it. “I'm going insane...every day.”

His fists left the crumpled shirt and slid down, slowly tracing their way by memory. They went around to the back, and pressed open palms on the curve of Daniel's bottom, bringing their centers together, and to hell with everything else.

Daniel's hips snapped forward, and Kaiden encouraged with a roll of his own, when the man pressed him harder against the wall. The hand that was behind his neck grabbed his face in that way he loved. His lips prepared for the invasion. Daniel's eyes met his. Kaiden couldn't tell what he saw there. The deep frown and the glossiness were both new. “I lost it. Today, I lost it. But couldn't say anything.” Then his face was a sea of confusion when he found his chin tightly secured against Daniel's shoulder as the man crushed them together, locked in an embrace that toppled Kaiden's mind over.

Who was this man he had never met before? It was all he had wanted for a long time. Not a profession of love. Not a promise of an eternal bond. Something much simple. To hear Daniel say that he cared, and know that he was not just a convenience. This was not quite that, but close enough. He waited for his heart to swell—for the joy to explode in his chest.

There was nothing. Barren land. Nothing. Only ache.

Kaiden was lost for what to feel, and his voice was not with him, so he remained silent. He pulled away and slid his hands up behind Daniel's head. His fingers mingled with the familiar softness of the man's hair. He pulled closer and touched his lips to Daniel's forehead, and took in the fragrance that brought back the memories. Of things that could have been his, if life were different. His eyes said it to Daniel—You have no idea how much I loved you—and he planted a kiss on the stubbly chin.