If He Ever Cries (manxman / boyxboy)

Chapter 9

-Chapter 9-

There is a darkness deep in you

A frightening magic I cling to

—You're All I Have, Snow Patrol

Time passed with the speed of a sloth. And like a sloth, he dragged himself through life. No changes. Almost static. When he cared to notice, though, he was twenty years and six days old. His stubble had grown longer than he had ever let it go. A surprise to find how a couple millimeters of hair around his mouth made him look so damn old.

Hair flipped out from under the unfashionable cap that he wore backwards. Khaki shorts and a dark, oversized tee completed the statement. He could count on his underwear to add a splash of color to an otherwise gray life.

He must be a hilarious companion right now. Especially to crazy-hormonal-Kristina, who dragged him there under threat of making him wear a hot-pink, sequined tuxedo for her wedding if he didn't agree to come.

Silly woman.

It was hard to deny her anything. Stubborn like a mule. If Kaiden weren't so mopey, he would have found it fun to watch her play dress up. Who would have thought wedding dresses had to be ordered ten years in advance. Though it was a small wedding, with only family and close friends, she made it mandatory to hide the belly. Like she was that pregnant.

How big will she be four months in? He couldn't imagine her looking pregnant. As in all inflated and walking funny with a hand pressing on the center of her back. She would probably not look like that yet at the time of the wedding. That didn't stop her, though. From fretting over the cut of the dress, or how it squeezed her boobs up.

"How about this one." She came out the fitting room with the twentieth dress she tried on. The salesperson held the edge of the train. Kristina walked around for him. The weightless fabric lifted in ripples. She looked like she was floating.

A funny feeling spread on Kaiden's scalp and he leaned forward, resting his arms on his knees. "You look like an angel, Kris. I think this one kicks the butts of all the others."

"You think Danny is gonna like it?"

"You'll knock the air out of him."

She looked up and away. "Shit, Kai. You're making me cry." And ran fingertips under her eyes.

"I'm serious."

He understood it well, how Kristina was the obvious pick between them two. Not that he ever thought he stood a chance. Spending time with her was easy. They could talk for hours about anything, and he wouldn't be checking the time every fifteen minutes. At times, when he stopped to think about it, a warm feeling spread inside of him. Then the unease of guilt.

And guilt, mixed with jealousy, regret, hate, sorrow, confusion, etc, etc, etc—squeezed his heart as he heard the darnest question when they were back in the parked car.

"Would you be my Man of Honor, Kai?"

He snapped to look at her without an answer.

"I know I'm stretching my luck here. But it would make me beyond happy if you accept. You're my little brother, and my friend, and I love you so much. And I want you to be part of this with me. It just feels right, right here." She tapped her chest and he looked away, out his window.

He had stopped hearing her at "luck". The "no fucking way" response got stuck with splinters inside his throat. His involvement with the wedding was supposed to end that day, when they exited that store.