Till The End Of My Days

Pleading

"I've decided." I sat opposite Ezra, it is the first time we have made conversation since meeting. My coffee has gone cold and my head was sore. It was a dull ache and I began to feel thankful for that as I know that soon enough having just a dull ache in my head will feel like heaven.
"On what?" Ezra asked upon drinking the last sip of his beverage. He wasn't a slow drinker and I know that he only took the snail pace he was now to try and give me more time to talk. I see right through him.
"I don't wish to go through all the pain. However I don't want to be prodded by needles, too much work. I know there's pills, I'd be willing to take those instead. It would take a while but I'd much rather have the comfort."
This was all sprung upon Ezra and he tried quickly to think of an argument in his head but of course it is my life not his, I am a legal adult who can make their own choices. My life and death I want to control.
"You need time to think about what you're saying Aria." The man slipped his hand across the table placing it on top of mine, I flinched and pulled back. I wasn't angry, I just felt ignored. He was not listening to what I was saying- I have thought about it. It's been all that's going round my mind.
"Well Ezra I don't have time do i?" It was a harsh thing to say but then again the truth is always a lot harder to take. Ezra just looked away his face growing paler, I didn't want to end our time together like this. I didn't want to constantly fight until I've had enough and then leave him without saying how much I do adore him.
"But up till then I will take it day by day. I want everything, my whole life to carry on as normal."
To this he agreed, it was the right decision. I didn't want to pity myself and waste the time I had left. I wanted to carry on like normal and when the time came then I would be able to say goodbye without the feeling of desperation.
"The last day however I would like to be by myself, no visitors and I'd prefer no family."
Ezra's took in a deep breath almost falling backwards.
"You'll be able to get the day off work won't you?" Relief hit him as he nodded and actually held onto my hand this time, my fingers felt like blocks of ice and the warmth of Ezra was a nice feeling.
"I am very sure they won't mind."
I pause before holding on tighter to the mans hands, they're much larger than mine and somehow when I hold onto them a feeling of safety comes along with it. "When I say by myself that meant you included, if that is not a bother." I wanted the ground to swallow me up right here right now, the decline was going to be hard but having to say goodbye to the only person I had ever loved was going to be much harder. Every memory of me will soon be replaced with new people, new friends. I just hope that maybe I will be there at the back of his brain, just a memory of us. Not like I am going to be when I have to leave but of the good times when i was here to stay.