Till The End Of My Days

Decline

Every second that passes I feel myself become weaker, this is not an exaggeration. I am beginning to lose myself, just yesterday when doing the simplest task of making myself a coffee I ended in dropping the mug and burning my hand on the boiling water. This is when Ezra decided that I must be watched over at every second, he has taken off a month from his work. I told him that is too much time, I won't need that much.
Spencer delivered the pills no more than 2 days ago. They sit beside my bed yet every night Ezra hides them, he is scared and I understand why yet I would not leave him without warning. Well I intend on not doing so.
"It's not fair." Ezra says pulling me out of my trance, I was watching the droplets of rain race down the window finding it quiet fascinating. The things I had never noticed before occupied my mind the most now.
"What isn't?" I asked yet deep in my heart I knew the answer.
"Why you?" His hands are frantically tapping against his leg and it makes me smile, I used to do that when I became angry yet now I don't feel the emotion at all. Maybe one day it will come back
"You could say that about anyone Ezra."
He walks over to me and tucks a strand of hair behind my ear, I just smile and look back out the window. It had began to hurt to even look at him anymore. I didn't want it to end this way
"I love you Aria." I stand and finally look directly at him, he hasn't shaven and wears the same clothes every day. He's scared to miss a second of anything I do.
"I love you too."

I don't sleep anymore. Well not at night time anyway. I can't. My mind is filled with unanswered questions and the occasional worry. Because of this Ezra doesn't sleep either, he will when I'm with my family or friends but when I'm with him he won't close his eyes at all. Maybe it's because he's scared of opening them and me not being able to. Nothing has got much worse apart from occasionally falling every so often, I don't hit the ground but I stumble quite a bit. Ezra is always standing close grabbing me before anything major can happen. I don't know what I would do without him and in some sense I feel guilt for all of this. If I had gone to the doctors earlier or just hadn't got involved with him he would not have to go through this heartache. I beat myself up everytime I see his red, puffy eyes. He cries a lot more now but only when he is by himself, we both are trying to keep brave faces but now we are soon going to break into a thousand pieces. The sad thing is that I won't be able to be put back together.