markson: discoveries

19: Uncertainty

It took an hour and a half before Jackson was pulling into the parking lot in front of Daegu Central Hospital. The drive was long, and the entire time his mind was filled with worry. Some about Sojin, but more about Mark. Was it wrong to leave Mark to go see Sojin in the hospital, was it wrong to visit her at all? Was it wrong to be worried about her, or to not like that she was upset? Was it wrong that he hadn't told Mark where he was going? Jackson didn't know, he spent the entire ride having a mental argument with himself about whether he should be driving to Daegu at all. But in the end there he was, climbing out of his parked car and walking in, asking the receptionist which hall would lead him to room 206. He thanked her after she pointed him to the hall to a hall to the right and began towards it. He stopped in front of the closed door. Room 206.

It'd been years since he'd seen Sojin, years since he'd seen the woman that he had adored, that he'd fallen in love with. He didn't know if he was ready to see her again. He didn't know if he should, as he did have a boyfriend who he loved at home waiting for him. But he told himself that he wasn't doing this as Sojin's past lover. He was just doing this as a friend. Someone who cared about her and that was all. Nothing more, no feelings involved. He was just there to be there for her, so she wouldn't be alone. That was all.

And he turned the doorknob.

Inside, laying on the white linen sheets, was the girl Jackson still had to admit was so beautiful, even though she'd broken his heart. The way her chocolate brown bangs fell just above her eyes, loose waves draping across her shoulders. Her petite little nose and pink lips. Jackson could never deny that she was absolutely stunning.

Her eyes had been shut when he walked in, but as soon as she heard footsteps her eyes fluttered open, and a weak smile spread on her thin lips. "Jackson.." She mumbled softly, voice cracking with an emotion Jackson couldn't decipher.

"Sojin," Jackson replied, voice soft and quiet as he sat on a chair beside the bed. Sojin looked terrible, not in an ugly way, but in a sickly way. Her skin was pale, she looked like she'd lost an unhealthy amount of weight, and even the slightest movements seemed to give her pain. She seemed miserable. Jackson hated to see her like that.

"I didn't think you would come, really," The girl whispered softly as she looked down at her hands, that were folded together on her lap.

"Of course I came, Sojin, of course," Jackson replied, though his words seemed a bit, guilty in a way. As if he was guilty to be there with her.

There was silence for a minute or so before Jackson heard a soft sniffle and looked up to see Sojin, tears trickling down her pale cheeks. "I m-missed you.. I missed you so much.." She said, voice nearly inaudible as she sniffled.

Jackson's hand reached up to lightly wipe the tears off of Sojin's cheeks, before his hand moved to take her small, delicate, fragile hand in his own large one, lacing their fingers together. He knew that always used to calm Sojin down. "I missed you too," He replied but guilt still sounded in his tone. He wished he didn't miss Sojin, he had Mark, but somehow he'd still always missed Sojin, ever since the day she walked out of his life.

Soon, her tears slowed. And she began to talk, she spoke softly, as if not to break the peaceful atmosphere. "You treated me better than anyone else ever has, Jackson. You always cared, you were always there for me, you knew just what to say and I loved that Jackson, I've missed it.." She explained. "I don't know what I was ever thinking to leave you.." She said the last part in a faint, sad whisper.

Jackson didn't know what to say. He was left speechless by Sojin's words. If she had told him this a month or two after she'd left him, Jackson would've gladly scooped her back into his arms and picked right up where they left off. But no, now it was different. He'd found someone different. He'd fallen in love with someone else and he found true happiness in them, and he wasn't messing that up.

"I've missed you a lot Sojin, I've missed being with you, and I'm sorry but I can't say I'd take you back. I.. I have a boyfriend Sojin, and I really love him and I don't want to mess it up this time," Jackson said, voice gentle, sincere.

Sojin looked to him with a soft, sad smile, and just nodded lightly. "I knew you were too good of a steal to not be with someone, I knew you'd find someone who could love you just right," She replied simply. "And that's okay. Can you just be with me, here, for now? I really just don't want to be alone here.. It scares me a lot, all that's going on with my health.. And the doctors and the tests and.. I just need someone here sometimes to hug me and tell me its going to be okay.." Sojin rambled lightly and Jackson nodded, a soft grin on his lips.

"I think I could do that," Jackson said as he lightly squeezed Sojin's hand. She understood. Of course she did, really. Jackson really shouldn't have expected much else, Sojin really was one of the sweetest girls he'd ever met, that was why he'd fallen for her before, it seemed she was just the same, now. Sojin sent him a light smile in return.

That afternoon Sojin fell asleep held in Jackson's arms. And after a while he left the hospital, leaving a note on the bedside table with a promise to return tomorrow.

//authornim.
hehe who knows where this will go.
I do.
and btw ily k?