You Can Make It (Gus De St Jeor, Ryland & Rocky Lynch & Shawn Mendes (Book 1)

Can't do this

ok so this isn't edited and most of this story probably wont be.

my age and name is the same in this but most of the other stuff about 'Maya' will be made up

Really Hope You Like It

I sit down on the couch I'm in Colorado spending Christmas with Rocky and his family. Rocky and I have been best friends for about 5 years now, and even though I'm 15 and he's 21 we connect really well, age doesn't matter to either of us when it comes to this friendship. I didn't eat breakfast this morning though no one knows that, I couldn't sleep last night because I was thinking about Gus and my parents and brother, so I came down stairs at 5 in the morning, so I just told everyone I already ate, I'm just grateful Rocky wasn't in the room when I did because I cant lie to him. I was thinking about Gus most of last night because I'm in love with him and have been since 2
years ago when we first met, but I've never done anything because I'm older then him and there no way he'd ever like me anyway. Rocky is the only one that knows about how I feel and he's always trying to get me to tell Gus and telling me Gus likes me back, but I just don't believe him. Gus and me are good friends we text a lot and hang out quite often, but I know he'd never think of me as a girlfriend. I was thinking about my parents and brother because I was missing them, they died about 3 years ago around this time, so Christmas was always hard for me. For the past 3 years I spent it with my grandparents and cousin but this year I really wanted to be with Rocky because he was the only person who could always make me feel better. One more reason I didn't think Gus and me would ever happen is because I know that I push people I love away ever since my family died. Rocky is the only one that I haven't, I'm too scared to let anyone else in because I'm afraid they'll leave me. I close your eyes trying to hold back the tears that have built up by thinking of my family. The couch dips slightly and I feel an arm go round your shoulders I know immediately its Gus, but I keep my eyes closed not wanting him to see me cry, no one in the Lynch family or anyone related to them has ever seen me cry, Rocky is the only person you let see me cry. I didn't let anyone see me cry at the funeral I waited till after when Rocky and I were alone, then I broke down while he held me. Gus knew this time was really hard for me and he always tried to make sure I was ok. He was probably the second person I were closets to.

He pulls me towards him slightly so I'm leaning into his side; his other hand comes to one of mine and gives it a small squeeze. I open my eyes even though I know they are watery, and give Gus a small smile.

"You ready to go?" he asks softly knowing that I'd just leave if he asked how I was going, I give him a small nod and he gets up holding his hand out to me, I take it and he pulls me up slipping his arm around my waist as we both make our way to the door. We grab our jackets then head out to the van.

Everyone but Rocky is already out there waiting.

"Where's Rock?" i ask the group as Gus and I both slid in to the van. Gus is next to the window and I'm in the middle leaving the seat beside me for Rocky.

"He's just getting his beanie" Ross tells me I nod giving him a small thank you smile, and then take out my phone looking at my notifications, I feel tears start to pool my eyes as I read the latest comments on my instagram post, I've always gotten bits and pieces of hate being Rocky's best friend, and then a bit more when Gus and I hung out more often. Bu know cause the R5 family know I'm spending Christmas with them all they are send me more and more hate, the stuff about me only doing it for fame and stuff like that doesn't get to me. It's the calling me fat or ugly or stuff like that, it hurts me cause I'm very self-conscious but only Rocky and Gus know that. I sigh turning of my phone and turning my body slightly towards Gus pulling my legs up on top of his and curling into his side. Everything's just becoming to much at the moment, the hate this whole Gus thing and the fact that my family died at this time. I feel Gus slip his arm around me pulling me closer, I wrap one of my arms around he's front and my hand finds his holding it tight. I'm so close to breaking down, I really want to get out of this car, cause I'm freaking out I feel like I'm going to have a panic/anxiety attack soon and I don't want to have it in front of everyone. I really want to cuddle up with Rocky but I know if I do that when he comes he's going to know something's wrong straight away just by the way I'm acting.

"You ok?" Gus asks me softly so none of the others can hear. I don't answer just burry my head further into him. I know that he's going to know something's up now because normally I'd answer him but I can't trust my voice.

"Sorry guys I couldn't find my beanie" I hear Rocky's voice and not a minute later feel him sit next to me then hear the door slam shut. My breath hitches a bit knowing I'll be stuck here for another 15-20 minutes. I'm just praying Rocky doesn't want to talk to me.

"Maya?" he asks giving me a small nudge, I shoo his hand away.

"You ok?" he asks, I don't answer, I feel Gus move slightly then Rocky's hand on my back as he leans in closer to me.

"Maya, what's wrong?" he asks softly I feel tears stinging my eyes and I turn quickly stuffing my face into Rocky's chest I didn't want my tears to fall on Gus because then he'd know I'm crying. I feel Rocky's arms tighten around me.

"Hey it's ok, I'm here, whatever's wrong I'll help fix it ok" he says his voice soft so only I can hear. I just push my head further into his chest, taking in his sent and calming down a little.

"Maya you wanna tell me what's wrong" he asks after about 10 minutes I shake my head tears still burring my eyes, I haven't let them fall yet because I know the minute I do I'll break down into sobs.

"Maya... come on" Rocky says trying to move me so I can meet his eyes,

"Not now" I says so softly its barely a whisper. I hear him sigh,

"Ok but once we get out you and I are going to sit somewhere and your gonna tell me what's up" he tells me, I just nod though I know the minute I get the chance I'm going to run off somewhere until its time for dinner. My parents had a place up here and after they died it became mine, Rocky doesn't know that it still belongs to me and I have a key so, the minute no one is looking I'm going to head over to the house and stay until I know dinner will be ready at the Lynch's cabin. The car stops and everyone gets out. I stand close to Rocky looking at the ground.

"Ok lets go get something to eat then we'll go staking for a but then you boys can play hockey" Stormie says as we all make our way to our favourite restaurant here.

"Are you gonna play hockey with us this time?" Gordy asks me as I walk at the back Gus on one side and Gordy on the other, Rocky is chasing Ross because he dumped snow on Rocky's head

"Gordy!" Gus hisses I know how to play Ice Hockey I used to play all the time with Luke who was my older brother but ever since he died I don't play it took me a year just to start ice staking again.

"Sorry" Gordy mutters.

"I forget Maya" I turn to face him.

"It's fine Gor" I say softly using my nick name for him he nods then walks a bit quicker to catch up with Gill and Ellington.

"Maya?" Gus says after a minute or two.

"Yeah?" I say but keep my eyes on the restaurant, which is only about 10 meters away now.

"What was wrong, back in the car?" I sigh looking down.

"You don't have to tell me, I... I just know your upset and I hate seeing you like that" he says quietly we've both stopped talking now and his hands grab mine pulling me closer to him.

"I...I- I, I can't do this right now I say" tears prick my eyes as I quickly pull my hands from his grip and turn around and start sprinting towards my cabin.

OK thats the first chapter let me know what you think

and if you have any ideas for Lifeguard let me know