Fix Me

Skin and Bones

This chapter may be triggering, reader discretion is advised.

Josh's POV

When I get to the hospital, I run up to the check in counter. I'm out of breath and out of sorts, I barely know how I got here. "My-my girlfriend. Sarah Zeal. Where is she?" I ask the woman sitting there.

"Oh my God! You're Josh Ramsay! My daughters are big fans, would it be a trouble to get an autograph?" The nurse gives me a pleading look. Is she really asking for an autograph right now?

"My girlfriend?" I ask, tapping my foot impatiently. Why can't people be serious when they meet someone famous? I'm just like everyone else!

"Oh, right. She's just down this hallway. Do you have contact with her family?" The nurse leads me down a sparkling white hallway with many closed doors. I shake my head.

"I can call her two best friends, Tanner and Ryan. They moved here with Sarah at the beginning of summer." I pull out my cell phone and punch in Ryan's number.

"This is Chum, the fuck you want?" She answers, I never understood why but this is not the time to ask. With urgency I rush out all of the information.

"Call Sarah's mom and brother. She's in the hospital, in a coma. She was in a car accident. Tell Tanner to come right away, too. I'll call the guys." I hang up before Ryan can stop and ask me a million questions.

"Miss. Zeal is right in there." The nurse smiles and opens a door on the left. I see Sarah lying in a bed, hooked up to a heart monitor. At least she doesn't need a breathing apparatus, but she looks so badly bruised from the accident. I run towards her still body.

"Oh God, Sarah." I say, brushing hair out of her face and kissing her forehead.

"Call me if you need anything, or if she wakes up." The nurse says, walking away. Tears pour down my face and I wipe them away. I dial Matt's number next. What do I even tell him?

"Yo, what's wrong?" Matt already knows that something is up. That's just how he is, he can sense the tension.

"Sarah is . . . in a coma." I cry into the phone. I feel a sudden urge deep down in the pit of my stomach. Something that I haven't yearned for in more than ten years.

"Oh shit! OK we'll be right there. Don't do anything stupid." Matt hangs up and I fall to the floor in a heap of defeat. I look around the room and see that there aren't any sharp objects. Of course not, this is a hospital ICU.

I wander out of the room and down the hall to a small bathroom. I reach into my pocket and feel my car keys, sharp enough to cut through skin. I pull up my sleeve and look at the faint lines that already exist. I know this is wrong, but I just can't take the pain. Sarah could die, she's been my life for the past four months, she can't just leave me.

I press the car keys to my wrist and slash, hard. A gash appears, fresh, on my wrist. I clasp my free hand over it and run the cut under cold water, washing away the blood, expertly. I grab a paper towel, dry my wrist and pull my sleeve back down. The pain is gone, and so is the evidence. I wipe the key off one last time and walk out of the bathroom, towards Sarah's room.

"Where the hell were you?" Mike asks, standing up from the chair he was just sitting on.

"The bathroom." I mumble, clumsily.

"Josh, were you . . . let me see your wrists." Matt frowns, pushing up my sleeves. "Shit man! You can't keep doing this to yourself." I find myself at a loss for words, all I can do is shakily cry into Matt's shoulder. Why can't I control myself? I thought I was over this, but it still has its ways of coming back to me. I'm just grateful that Matt has always been there for me through my struggles, especially when I feel like skin and bones.