Fix Me

Alive Again

Josh's POV

Sarah and I are lying in my bed, and I can't believe how happy we both are feeling. "You know I love you?" I say, without hesitation.

"I know. I feel so safe with you, like I'm not a fragile piece of porcelain." She sighs into my bare chest.

"Have you ever heard the song, porcelain? I wrote it a long time ago, but it's good." Sarah shakes her head and I gape at her, sarcastically. She laughs and I sit up and grab my guitar from under the bed. Taped to the side are some lyrics and chords. I read them and smile.

"Oh, yeah I wrote a song. Well, the beginnings of one." She laughs, timidly. I shrug and start playing the intro to porcelain.

You thought by now you'd have it figured out, you can't erase the way it pulls when seasons change. It hurts sometimes to find where you begin, but you are perfect porcelain.

The slow and simple melody of tears you cannot keep from me it's alright if you don't know what you need.

I smile at Sarah, and see tears rolling down her cheeks. I continue to play the song, Hoping that they're tears of happiness.

I'm right here when you need someone to see, it's not speak or forever hold your peace. It's alright to take time and find where you've been, you are perfect porcelain.

The slow and simple melody of tears you cannot keep from me it's alright if you don't know what you need.

When your heart releases, you won't fall pieces you'll let those old diseases lie! And your heart releases, you won't fall to pieces and your breath comes crashing in like perfect porcelain.

The slow and simple melody of tears you cannot keep from me it's alright if you don't know what you need.

I finish the song and look up at Sarah to see her wiping away even more tears. "That was beautiful, Josh. I wish you had written it for me . . ."

"D'you know who I wrote it for?" I ask her, hoping she'll say Amanda so that I can shoot her down.

"Your past self?" She asks. Damn, she's good. I only nod and hand her the guitar.

"Now you play me a song!" When she picks up the guitar she looks so afraid of what she's about to do. I still have never heard her play or sing.

"This is . . . this is by Panic at the Disco." She smiles sadly. Oh my god, I didn't think it was possible for her to even mention her once favourite band, let alone sing one of their songs. I'm proud of her for overcoming the grief from her past.

I was fine just a guy living on my own, waiting for the sky to fall, then you called and changed it all, doll. Velvet lips and the eyes to pull me in, we both know you'd already win, mm you're original sin.

You fooled me once with your eyes now honey, you fooled me twice with your lies and I say, Sarah smiles like Sarah doesn't care, she lives in her world so unaware, does she know that my destiny lies with her? Sarah, oh Sarah, are you saving me?

I gawk at her for a minute and then start to laugh uncontrollably. "Talk about being self confident," I tease pushing her gently.

"Ha yeah . . . I don't know I just thought, hey, let's play my old favourite song." She smiles, and it's a wonder that the song isn't written about her.

I pull her closer and kiss her around the guitar. "Do you want to . . ?" I ask, not even sure what she might say.

"I don't know, I'm afraid." She blushes and puts my guitar back under the bed.

"Whatever you want, porcelain." I'm not sure why it came out, but I love the nickname.

"I trust you, Josh. More than anyone, even sometimes Ryan and Tanner. But I just don't know if I'm ready for that." I hug her and kiss her cheek.

"It's alright. I can wait." She looks as if she is weighing options in her head and finally just looks up at me with a small grin. She pulls me in for a kiss and, damn that song described it perfectly: velvety and soft. It makes me feel alive again.