A Pinch of Kerry

Men Games

[At the hospital]

I had been at the hospital for atleast a week. Everyday James had come over. I wondered if he had liked me, but I wasn't really worried about it. He seemed very sick and its a bit selfish, but I wouldn't be able to handle a dying boyfriend. That, and how do I know he's single? I just focused on getting better. I'm somewhat of an heirest and my art work sells so I wasn't worried about paying for much. Every now and then doctors would come in and do test and check up on me. The nurse with the nice scrubs came in.

"Hiya Suga" She said.

She sounded just like my grandma.

"Somebody's mighty chipper today."

"You gettin outta here today, suga."

"You're happy I'm leaving?"

"Yes. You been in this hospital too long. You losin weight and I know you's got you a boyfriend. It ain't no fun to be stuck in here."

I laughed. "I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you too, suga. Got anybody I need to call to pick you up?"

"No ma'am. I've got it." I smiled.

"Well alright, I'll be back with your discharge papers."

As soon as she left, James came in. It felt like he had been waiting for her to leave or she sent him. He sat in his usual chair and stared. He looked a little off. It was hard to read him, so I couldn't depict between the "I'm sad" face and the "Hi......" Face. It was awkward.

I spoke first, "Something bothering you?"

He looked up at me and smiled. He had perfect teeth with look liked hand made facial features. Why is someone as attractive as him here by himself ? This question slightly made me throw up a red flag.

He started to speak, "You're beautiful."

"My beauty making you upset?" I joked.

He smirked a little, "Naw. Its just....I don't know."

His face was somewhat readable. It was so much in his brain, but so little words. He wanted to say something, but his words were not being audible. I didn't know what to think.....or to say.

"Um.....I'm leaving today."

He looked at me. This time, with sadness in his eyes.

"Uhh, thats great." He tried to hide his expression.

What was up with him? I didn't wanna say mysterious, but more as, misunderstood. We never really spoke about why he was here. We just laughed and talked about our life. For the most part his life was as screwed up as mine. It kept bothering me that, that one fact I didn't know. He told me about his family. He told me about how he hated school. He told me what he did for a living. He even told me about how his bestfriend was murdered walking home from a part time job. He scarred me a little because he went into detail. We talked a lot. Was I being greedy for knowledge about something that wasn't any of my business? If I was......I still had to know.

"So.....how'd you get here again?"

He had told me it was his appendix, but I knew he was lying.

"Oh um, nothing major. An um uh....appendix. My appendix." He finished.

I just stared into his eyes. I searched for the correct answer or for the correct answer to pour out of him. His eyes were cold. If they matched the person inside, they might not be as pretty.

"Why are you staring at me like that?" He tried to brush it off.

"James......I've helped you when you had your episode in the hallway. We've talked ever since.....You have yet to tell me the truth. I thought we were friends." I spoke.

"I-I told you......"

I continued to stare him down until he felt the piercing of my eyes. The mere concern in my eyes.

"Don't I deserve-.."

He got up abruptly, "YOU DON'T DESERVE ANYTHING. YOU'RE FEARLESS. YOU BARELY DESERVE LIFE. WHAT THE HELL MAKES YOU THINK YOU DESERVE THE TRUTH? WE'RE NOT FRIENDS."

He just left, refusing to face me. It was nothing I had said or done. My eyes not only pierced through him, but it hit a nerve. I hit a very sensitive nerve. I felt bad. He gave you enough information, you just had to ask for more? And what did he mean by all that? The whole time I'm spilling everything about me to him and he's judging me? Maybe men just aren't for me. I can't even open my mouth let alone my heart without me being stoned. I just couldn't wait to get home. The nurse was right. I need some sunlight. Some sunlight and real food. I got out a bed and put on clothes, my real clothes.

A little later the nurse enters with my papers.

"Here ya go, Suga. Just sign and you'll be on your way." She smiled.

"Yes. So ready to go home." I smiled. I finished signing the papers and gave them back to her. I figured instead of driving back I'd just walk. I hugged the nurse, got my stuff and was on my way. I was walking through pediatrics trying to get to the elevator. All the kids were so cute. I pressed the button for the elevator and waited. The doors open and John is standing there. I just get on and don't say anthing. It didn't help that the elevator is REALLY slow. I just prayed it didn't stop working. I could feel his eyes on me, just staring. I turn to look at him and he gets closer to me. I kind of back up. Then, he pulls me into him. He felt so good. He was so warm. I couldn't do this though. I won't be played by both brothers. Maybe John and I could be friends, thats it. I pulled out of this hold he had me in. We just stared.

I finally spoke, "I can't do this......"

"I know," he said as he moved closer and closer to me. I backed and backed, but the elevator was but so big. Before I knew it I was against the wall.

"I know," he said as he caressed me and ran his lips down my neck. He started pulling on my clothes, but I pushed him.

"I can't. I-I can't." The doors opened and I just got off the elevator.

"KERRY," He shouted.

I just kept walking. I am not a play toy. I may be single, but I am not a whore.

"Hey!" Someone grabbed me by the arm.

It was James.

"Hey....." I said a little low.

"I-I'm sorry. I just....I don't know."

"Find me when you find your words."

I was tired. I just turned around and kept walking. He thought he could just scream at me and judge me and I just welcome him back? Its not even about the screaming. Its about the fact that he made me feel safe in a danger zone. I sighed. Men are really not my forte.