KISMET: Into Love

Chapter One : Just Another Shadow

"If you can't see anything beautiful about yourself get a better mirror, look a little closer, stare a little longer - because there's something inside you that made you keep trying despite everyone who told you to quit."
- Shane Koyczan

"When you can't see your worth, remember that you are a work in progress. Be patient with yourself."
- Note to self

- CLIO -

Cameras. Shutter sound. Flashes.
I was in the middle of it, striking different poses between flashes.

"Smile." The voice from the crowd commended. I flashed the sweetest smile i could. "Brilliant. Brilliant." And so we proceeded. "Turn on the sides. Wonderful. Excellent. Excellent. Now, some sexiness."

I automatically followed, tilting my head on the side angle, my gaze fixed on the camera lenses while giving away a sultry smile.

"It's a wrap!" The director finally declared. "Nice job guys," the director continued as I went by my table. "We will keep you posted with our schedules and updates."

Everybody clapped and cheered for joy. It was a successful photoshoot and everyone is happy with how the day had gone. I, myself is happy with it.

We're done. I'am starting to fix my stuff when a glowing lady approached,
"Hi Ms. Clio, Im a fan." She stated. "Can I have a selfie?" The girl is radiantly beautiful, perhaps the same age as mine. For a minute, i was starstruck, which is funny because im a star myself.
"Sure." I said smiling. We took picture together.
"You are really beautiful Ms. Clio." She commented.
I can't help to smile, "You yourself is pretty.. " I looked at her, inquiring.
"Kelsie, my name is Kelsie," she answered promptly.
I smiled at her, "Kelsie, nice name."
"Thanks Ms. Clio, they are right about you. You are beautiful inside and out."

I smiled again, this time a bittersweet smile. My heart feeling heavier than it usually was, I wish Am really is..

"Clio, darling.." We were interrupted by the voice coming in, that was Director Jin. Swaying his hips as he approached us. Kelsie bid goodbye to give way to the coming director. Jin kissed me on the cheeks, "that was superb, you're amazing!"

I had worked a lot of times with Jin, he surely knows how to appreciate the efforts of the people working with him. And one of the rare people in this industry that knows how to walk the talk.

"Thanks Jin, you're such a flatterer."
"No, Im not." He said, "you wouldn't be a superstar for nothing." I just laugh softly. "It was an amazing shoot." He continued. "And ohh, i heard you are having a movie in the making?"
"Yes, I do. We actually gonna start shooting by tomorrow."
"Such a jam-packed sched for a superstar."
I laughed, "Stop calling me superstar Jin. It feels awkward."
"The same humble girl that you are." He said laughing. "Anyways, we'll send you the copy of our magazine issue this month. Im sure this is gonna be superb. Having you featured, it'll be sold out in day time." By that, he kissed me goodbye. I smiled at him at he went away. "Looking forward to your upcoming movie, superstar!" He finally teased before heading out the photo studio.

Superstar. Leaving an echo on my mind.

- * - * -

"Yes Direc, we will be there by 9am tomorrow." It is Ellie, my director in the upcoming movie. "Yes yes, im sure." I said, trying to sound as breezy as possible. "Nothing to worry about. Okay, sure. I will see you tomorrow."

As the conversation ended, I placed the phone on the side table. It had been a long day yet it felt like it wasn't enough. After the whole day photo shoot, I headed home to fix the things I need for our shooting starting tomorrow. I looked at the file of thick paper on my side table. To Save a Life. It reads, our movie script. Shooting day will be tomorrow and Batanes, a northern island of the Philippines, will it be. With its beautiful landscape, unadulterated scenery of the sea and its exotic appeal, Batanes is a lovely place to be. Im suppose to be excited about it. I let out a deep sigh before facing the mirror at the other side of my bed.

It is one of the many moments that I feel numb. I looked at myself in the mirror, removing the remaining traces of my make up and letting my hair loose. Looking intently, as if the girl in front of me is a stranger, somebody I have never known. I tried to smile, looking through the eyes that was fixed on mine. The smile cannot hide the deep empty vacuum in her eyes. There was longing for something, for someone. Those dark brown eyes never been so blue, always asking but never finding. I try to recall who that girl was, where she was but I just couldn't remember. In the course of time, many things had change.

Being a star didn't lessen the burden. I had been in so many different roles, indulged myself in different scenes, buried myself deep in different story plot that I no longer know who Am really is. Like my own self is buried deep into the lime light. Like I'am living in what the people think I'am, a star in their pedestal. Yet through the glitter and prestige of this industry, my heart's so dull. Admire by the eyes of many but not by my own eyes. Known by most but not by my own self.

You are beautiful inside and out. I smiled bitterly at that thought. It was not just something Kelsie had said and the way she said that I cant take it off my mind. Mostly, it was the same words that came from the lips of somebody I have known from the heart. You are beautiful inside and out, Clio. It echoed, retracing memories from the past, the sweet smile and lovely gaze from the only one that really knows me inside and out.

Wish I could believe that with all my heart. Long time ago I did, but not now. My gaze still fixed on the mirror, searching. I wish I could see that myself, for I'am just another shadow vanishing in the dark.