Tell Me A Lie

Chapter 26

I was trying to draw, but my hands were too shaky. In my hand was a pencil and I was supposed to be creating a piece of art that was worth half my mark, but I couldn't. What happened between my dad and I had really shaken me up.

I could still visualize it perfectly. My dad coming at me, his hands around my neck, and then me fighting for my life. Me then giving up, wishing death would just take me away. It hadn't and now I was here, stricken with nerves that left me pale and shaking.

I hated my dad. I hated what he had done to me and I hated how scared I'd been of him. He had the ability to hurt me and I had to ability to do nothing. Nothing, but watch him and my mom ruin my life. It was frustrating, sad, and my entire day was spent wishing death would do me a favour and take me to its home.

I stared at the blank piece of paper in front of me and became surprise as a silhouette of a person covered it suddenly. Looking to my right, I saw Jared standing there. Concern was written all over his face and I sighed, knowing I didn't want to deal with him - ever.

"Scarlett..." Jared began, his voice gentle.

"What?" I asked flatly. "Didn't I tell you not to talk to me?"

I was being harsh, but right now I didn't want to deal with anyone. I just wanted to be alone to drown in misery, but Jared was in the way. He needed to leave.

"Scarlett, I know why you're pushing me away," he said, his voice growing more confident. "I think I understand you now."

"Really? Please tell me about myself," I said, giving him a bitter smile.

He stared at me for a second, studying me as if I was fragile. His eyes then looked as if they confirmed something and they softened up, seeming sad.

"Scarlett, you're depressed," Jared said.

My eyes widened. "What?"

"You're depressed," he repeated, his tone serious. "I don't know about suicidal, but I know depressed. You hate life and you're miserable. You push people away because you're permanently wounded and you think your wound could spread."

I stared at him, stunned by his word. Depressed. Everyone knew the word, but I had never associated it with myself. That was because I wasn't depressed. Maybe I did feel those things he said, but I was not depressed. Miserable and realistic, but I was not a label. Once again, Jared proved himself not to be wise.

"I'm not depressed," I said, eyes hardening. "Jared, you know nothing about me. Don't stamp a label on me."

"Scarlett, you're such a bitter person," Jared said, his voice careful as if he was trying not to hurt me. "You always look so down and your pale with fear constantly. You push people away and getting you to smile isn't easy. Those are all linked to depression."

"Or maybe, that's who I am," I said. "Maybe I'm just bitter and not a people person. Maybe I just don't like smiling."

Jared exhaled tiredly. He shook his head and I watched him, growing annoyed. What he said was insane. I was a lot of things, but depressed wasn't one of them. Depression was a label that meant you were an illness. Someone who needed help and medication. I didn't need either.

"Scarlett, you're in denial." His eyes softened. "But I'm going to help you. Listen to me."

"Huh?"

"Depression only exists because you're not in the right state of mind," Jared said. "You think everything sucks and you don't look at the positives. You don't think about how beautiful the sky is or how wonderful your friends are. You only think about irrelevant things that happen that have hurt you and you don't move on from them. You let them linger in your heart and that's why you're miserable. You got to learn to think better and move on."

"What the fuck?"

"Depression doesn't exist. It's just trickery of the mind." He smiled. "Just change your point of view. Change your life style and things will get better. You'll see the light in the world you turned black. Okay, Scarlett?"

"You think I turned the world black?" I asked, stunned by everything he said. "You think I can get 'better' by simply changing my state of mind?"

"Of course."

At those words, I found my veins boiling with anger. Everything he had said was so fucking stupid. So fucking ignorant, too. Jared knew nothing. Nothing about me and my mind. How dare he act like he could help me.

"You're a dumbass!" I snapped, then lowered my voice as people looked at us. "I didn't fucking make this world black. People did. Fucking people who ruined my life. Who hurt me constantly and make everything seem temporary. Changing my point of view won't change that. I can pretend and think those people are good, but that won't stop them from causing pain. Get that?"

"There has to be a reason they hurt you." Jared began to frown. "No one is cruel for no reason."

"Maybe not in your world, but in my world people are cruel for the sake of being cruel." I felt my heart pound against my chest. "They like to create pain and leave victims in their wake, not caring about the consequences."

"Scarlett, I-"

"You know nothing! I shouted. "Your life is perfectly fine so you can never understand what it's like to be me. So don't try to be me. Don't try to act like you understand me. Just fucking leave me alone."

I flushed as I noticed I attracted attention. Exhaling my frustration out, I just glared at Jared. This was his fault. He made me snap and that wasn't something I did.

"Scarlett," Jared said, looking surprised. "I... I want to help you."

"I don't need help," I shot back, annoyed. "I've been alive for seventeen years and I know this is all life has to offer. I've accepted it and I'm fine."

He stared at me, looking unsure of what to do. My chest was rising and falling as I tried to calm myself down. This week had been horrible. My life was falling apart and I just really needed Jared to leave. He nor anyone could help me and I understood that. It was a part of being fucked up.

"Scarlett, talk to me at the very least," he said. "Let it out."

I took a deep breath in, willing myself to calm down. I was done for today. Done for the rest of this stupid week.

"Do you really want to help me?" I asked, forcing a smile.

Jared nodded, looking eager. The  enthusiasm in his eyes almost hurt to see, but I ignored it.

"Then get the fuck out of my life," I said. "Leave me alone."

His eyes widened and he winced at the tone I used. I sat where I was expressionless, wishing he would just leave me alone. I wished everyone would just leave me alone.

"Scarlett..." he said, his voice shaky.

"Please," I said, suddenly exhausted. "Do this, for me."

As soon as those words flew out of my mouth, he nodded. He turned around and walked off, leaving me surprised. I was angry at him, but I was thankful he had listened. Without much of a fight he had obeyed me.

Shaking my head, I went back to drowning in misery. Everything currently sucked and I was exhausted. So exhausted of everything and everyone in my life. Once again, I learned that people hurt and it was better to avoid them.