Tell Me A Lie

Chapter 30

     "Hi sir," I said, passing by Jai's dad who sat at the sofa.

    I smiled as he looked over at me, seeming surprised. But as our eyes met, he smiled back. It was a sad smile, but it was nice knowing he wasn't in his traumatized zone as usual.

     Jai walked over to me and suddenly put an arm around my shoulders. I was surprised and somewhat embarrassed, but I allowed Jai to lead me to door. Even as his dad watched us, I enjoyed having Jai's arm around me.

     "Bye dad," Jai said, opening his front door. "I'll do the grocery shopping today, okay?"

    "Okay," his dad simply said. "Thank you."

    Jai gave his dad a sad smile and went outside. I waved at Jai's dad and then followed Jai to his car. It was Monday, which meant we had school.

    Once the both of us were settled in Jai's car, I asked, "You do the grocery shopping?"

    "Yeah." Jai shrugged, looking uncomfortable. "My dad... He doesn't like to leave the house. He's kind of paranoid and all, so I let him be."

    My eyes softened as I thought about yesterday. I didn't blame Jai's dad for being paranoid. And, I didn't blame Jai for being fucked up. It made sense. Their past was cruel and it saddened me to know that one horrible incident could ruin someone's life.

    As Jai began to drive us to school, I thought about the past few days. It had been an emotional roller coaster for the both of us. Tears were shed, kisses were exhanged, and hearts were broken. So much had happened, but this had definitely brought us closer. It had torn down any wall we had between us, and now I felt like we were one. One loving, breathing body who shared one mind.

     We soon reached school after minute of silence and we exited Jai's car. Looking at our old school in front of us, I felt alienated. After the days spent wishing everything was different, I nearly forgotten I had this constant. This school I could care less about, but was the one place I also didn't hate.

     As I thought about this, suddenly a hand was in mine. The fingers of the hand intertwined with mine and my heart froze as I looked up and saw Jai smiling down at me. Without a second thought, a smile bloomed on my face as I squeezed his hand.

     "We have English first period," Jai said, smiling so brightly my heart melted. "Let's go."

    "Okay," I said back, also smiling brightly.

     Jai began to walk and hand-in-hand, we went to class together. Eyes were on us as we walked through the crowded hallways and I felt awkward, but to my surprise, everyone seemed happy to see us like this. They all smiled and even though I knew most of them were disappointed that Jai was touching another girl, I was happy to notice I wasn't receiving any death glares. So far, things were okay. As okay as they could be, at least.

*****

     Class was almost ending and Jai's hand was still in mine. We held hands on top of my table and no one really cared. No one gossiped or stared, which I enjoyed. I enjoyed it because I needed to get used to this, and having an audience would only make it harder.

    I actually didn't expect this. Even though Jai and I confessed our feelings and even made out, I didn't think anything would change. Other than having a mutual understanding that we liked each other, I thought we would go on with our - not so - regular lives. This was pleasant due to that.

     Looking down at our hands, I smiled as Jai rubbed his thumb against the back of my hand. His hand was cold - as usual - but that was perfect for me. Perfect for someone who was always so heated and needed to cool down.

     "So, I wasn't sure if I needed to ask you this," Jai said suddenly. "But will you be my girlfriend."

    My eyes flew up to him, surprised by his sudden question. I shouldn't have been with everything that had happened, but I was.

     My heart skipped a beat and to my surprise, I felt fear fill me. Anxiousness at the thought of how I was no good for Jai. I was too fucked up and knowing Jai could get better one day, I would be holding him back. I would only bring him down and that was not what he needed. He needed someone who was complete and could fit with his broken puzzle piece.

     But, how could two broken pieces fit so perfectly together, I thought as I looked back at his hand. Holding his hand felt like something I had been doing my entire life. It felt like second nature and that was everything with Jai. From the way we talked, touched, and related to each other, we fit so well together. Maybe I was no good for him, but there was no denying we did fit. Whether it was in a good way or not was the question.

     "Um... If you're actually thinking about rejecting me then this is embarrassing as fuck," Jai said, snapping me out of my thoughts.

     "You can do better," I blurted out, without a second thought. "Trust me when I say you can."

     Jai groaned. "Don't tell me you don't see that you're perfect for me. Didn't we get past this already?"

"Jai," I said quietly. "I'm no good for you."

"But how could this feel so right?"

I couldn't help but smile as the corner of his lip lifted up. That was the thing with Jai. Even when I hit rock bottom, he could still get me to smile. I loved him, but that meant I wanted the best for him.

"Jai, I'm serious," I said, smile dropping. "You... You deserve someone who can teach you happiness. Someone who could teach you to look at the good in this world. That's not me and it will never be me."

"I don't need you to teach me happiness," Jai said, shaking his head. "Scarlett, you give me the happiness I lacked for years. I told you that."

"But Jai-"

"And you've changed me. I don't know if you know this, but you're changing me for the better," Jai continued. "I used to keep everything bottled up, even the incident with my mom. I never talked about it after explaining it to the police and I just let it devour me. But then, you came along and right before I could get shredded by that demon in me, you helped me let it out. Slowly, I let everything out and now I'm left feeling as if I can finally breathe."

I was surprised by Jai's words. All this time I thought he had only been helping me, but it seemed like it worked both ways. Somehow I had helped Jai. I had helped him let out the demons killing him by making him open up, and the thought had my heart warming up. But still, I wasn't sure.

"Jai..." I said, growing nervous. "I can't give you the fairytale romance everyone deserves. Romance isn't in my cards."

"I don't want a fairytale," Jai said, eyes softening. "I want what we have now. I want to laugh and talk and feel the closest thing to happiness when I'm with you. I want to have you fitting with me physically so perfectly that I feel like I'm not alone in this cruel world. I don't care if we don't kiss in the rain or get to meet each other's parents. I don't care if the wounds of our heart bleed at times. What I want is you. Just you at my side for as long as we're alive."

Jai looked so serious and so genuine that my heart melted. I flushed at his words, knowing that was the sweetest thing anyone has ever told me. It was nice. So nice to have someone care about you this much. After years of feeling like I was a waste of space, his words brought tears to my eyes.

Jai was right. We weren't perfect, but instead fucked up. There were issues no one could fix and we couldn't do normal things that lovers did, but that was okay. Just having each other was perfect enough.

So, I said, "Yes."

"Yes?" Jai looked confused.

I broke out into a smile, feeling suddenly giddy about the whole thing. "Yes, I'll be your girlfriend."

Jai broke out into a grin and we were suddenly hugging. Without a care in the world in that mere second, I allowed myself to feel a small bit of happiness. It was nice. Really nice to finally get something you wanted. So despite every other problem in my life, my heart felt light for a single moment.